Kangel's Confessions

Hello blog! And I am so baacck! :D

2012-01-24T21:54:00.008+08:00

Hello?! Kamusta naman?

First post of the year 2012. Eh malay ko ba kung 2012 na nga ang katapusan ng mundo di ba? Eh hala babalik ako sa kangels confessions ko no. Namiss ko bigla magblog. SOBRA.

Eh kung namiss ko, bakit wala akong post? Haha!

Yun lang. I'm reading my past months post and I realized, I became so negative about people. Actually ayoko yun ganun pakiramdam. Ayoko rin ng nega na post no.

That is why...I stop posting. Gusto kong huminga. Mangolekta ulit ng inspirasyon. Count the blessings.

I believe that I should collect nice and warm thoughts and drop off bad ones. Dont worry parang kanila ko lang napagdesisyunan yun. Hahaha

Kidding aside...I want to be more positive about people.

Kaya heto na.....sisimulan ko ito 1st post ko for 2012 with a....... "Bang!"

Kamusta na si Kangel?

Dumating ang Pasko, bagong taon at nagbirthday po ang inyong abang lingkod eh masasabi kong ok naman ako. Good news and bad news came. Pero mas marami pa rin ang blessings na dumadating. Infernes kay Lord, alam nya talaga mambalanse ng buhay. Winner sya dun sa aspect na yun. Will share some highlights.

Si Kangel naging Baklang Parlorista?

Eh ano pa nga ba mga teh? Lagare kung lagare magtrabaho ang lola mo. Daig ko pa ang tumatanggap ng gupit, manicure, pedicure at kulot sa parlor sa may bandang kanto namin. 6 na araw ang trabaho. Curacha. Babaeng walang pahinga. Ako yun. Haha!

Seriously, I got one consultancy job and some raket from time to time. Di naman ako naghihirap. Mind you, pero tumulong na rin ako dahil kaibigan sila ng mga kaibigan ko. And yes, the price is right. Teeeh :D Seriously again, may goal din akong mareplenish ang depleted savings ko. At bonggang sinagot naman ni Lord ang prayers na ito. Medyo matagal ko itong ipinagdasal mga kapatid. Dahil sa last quarter ng 2011 ito nagsidatingan lahat. God has his reasons and plans. Medyo gusto ko na nga i-figure out kung bakit last quarter nya pinadala ang bonggang blessings na ito. Pero siyempre, ako na binigyan, rereklamo pa ako. Kapal naman ng fez ko mga teh. Kaya siyempre tinanggap ko naman ito wholeheartedly.

Thank you Lord. Bongga kayo. xoxo

Christmas at New Year na Pak na Pak!

This is I think the best Christmas and New Year ever. Well sa natatandaan ko. Haha. Medyo may memory gap na ako eh. Mind you I just remember good things. Tend to drop ung mga pangit na memories.

Magmamayabang na ako. Nakumpleto ko ang Simbang gabi. Sinong lalaban? Haha!

I remember pa may isang simbang gabi pa ako na galing akong gimikan , at halos diretso ako after ng event. Guess what? Pagkatapos ng mass eh para kung gustong pumikit ng mata ko forever. Hahahaha!

Kung mahal nyo ang inyong buhay, wag nyong gagawin ang ginawa ko. Di dapat ito tinutularan. Si Lord talaga ang strength ko during the mass. At di ko ito malilimutan dahil halos saktan ko ang sarili ko sa kakukurot ko para di ako makatulog. Halos magdugo ang balat ko. At makiusap ako sa katabi kong parishioner na pakibugbog naman ako - grabe para lang magising.

One of the memorable ones during the simbang gabi series. In short nakumpleto ko. And I got my wish.

Short cut lang...

I got my wish granted this new year. And mind you it is not something expensive. But this is more than that. It's something lasting. :)

Sabi ko sa inyo di ba? It's the best. :D Plus the family that is complete. The sweetest. <3

I'm 29! Yahoo!!!

Ok.

Sige.

Sinong babae ang matutuwa habang nadadagdagan ang edad nya di ba???? Sinooooo?

I think its - Me. :)

I tell you it will never be a perfect experience. But it's been really a blessed journey. Pwede ngang pang-maalaala ang story ng buhay ko. Every chapter has a highlights. Parang may season 1 2 up to n nga.

Honestly....I've been to ups and downs - depression and extreme joy. God allows me experience the best of life not into standards of the world can offer but on his definition of what truly happiness is.

I felt love everyday. In different forms from different creature --- (oo, sa kahit anong nilalang - puno, paligid, hayop at simpleng bagay) Naisip ko - andami palang forms of love.

Parang ganito --- how do you know it is love? Tingin ko love yun kung when everytime you think of that person, you'll happily smile. Kahit ginawan ka ng masama ng taong yun. Kasi you'll remember good things rather than bad ones.

And Jesus Christ never fails to remind of this moment. Kaya naman napupuno ang love tank ko. Not perfectly full. Just enough. Minsan kulang. But God never fails to make it up.

I'm 29 this year. But I realized a lot of things has happened. I became a mature person. Day by day, I learned to experience His wisdom everyday and share it to those who need it.

Si Lord ang bonggang nagbibigay sa akin rason para maging masaya. Hindi perfect. Nalulungkot pa rin ako paminsan minsan. Pero, iba eh. Feel like he's guarding me.

I learned to gave up that area of my life to Him - my love life. Hindi ko alam kung may darating. But he knows perfectly what I want and my need. my hearts deepest desire.

I will just enjoy kung anong meron ako ngayon.

Kaya super happy and mega uber birthday to me. :D Thank you Jesus for giving me another year.

Special tenkyu talaga sa mga bakla sa USAP - ang SEO Devs , Marketing Feeds team esp sa mga boys na nagekek sumayaw na parang debut ko lang. Sa totoo lang maluha-luha ako sa bulalak. Kasi paborito ako ang mga roses. Next time pink ha. Itodo nyo na teh. Pink roses tlaga favorite ko. Hahahaha.

Super thank you sa mga girls din dahil bonggang nagprepare at nagcolaborate. Alam ko hindi ito magagawa ng mga lalaki lang. Wala silang creativity katulad natin. Aja. Thank you Anne,Raine, Jen, Espie, Malou, Michelle, Mariel. :)

Sa mga nag-greet sa FB, twitter at text. Tumawag sa cellphone. Besty Joy - bonggang overseas call. :D Miss na miss ko na yun.

Sa mga FB fans at followers (charot! Hahaha)...joke lang. di ko po sinasadya na iturn off ang bday reminder. Pero nakakatuwa dahil sa dami nyng humabol, parang naging one week celebration ang bday ko. Winner!

Thank you Kiko for the relak gift evarrr. Besssst giftttt! :) God bless!

Muli Salamat. Mahal ko kayo. And God bless you all. :)

Sabi ko naman di ba si Lord marunong mambalanse ng buhay. Check nyo. Reflect.

Maybe God just whispers something to you right now...

A Test of Friendship

2011-11-04T18:55:00.002+08:00

Minsan kailangan mo lang tumahimik. Huminga. Tumahimik ulit. At huminga.

Ang katahimikan ang magbibigay daan sa iyo para makapag-isip ng mga tamang salita na pwedeng sabihin. Kausapin ang Diyos at humingi ng tulong. Para malinawan ka kung ano ang dapat at tamang gawin.

Ngayon, ano pakiramdam mo?

Galit, Awa, Lito, Inis.

Puro negative eh. Sasabihin ko pa ba ang mga nararamdaman ko. Siguro ibabaon ko na lang sa limot.

Palilipasin....

At palalagpasin.

Isang bahagi ng sarili ko na nag-iisip na bigyan sila ng pagkakataon para makapagpaliwanag. Ang sarili ko. Gusto ko rin magpaliwanag. Para makiuso lang. Hehe. After all everybody deserves a second chance. Di ba?

Alam mo yung pakiramdam na yung puso mong pula...eh may nakapalibot na usok na nanunuot sa mga unang layer ng balat ng puso mo. Tapos ang bigat dahil yung usok na yun, hindi nawawala. Andun lang nakapalibot. Naghihintay ng pagkakataon na manuot sa kailaliman.

Yun ang puso ko ngayon.

Sana umalis na yung usok na yun.

Ang bigat sa pakiramdam. Hindi na ako makahinga.

Nakakapagod yung pakiramdam na ito.

- - - - - - - -

A Test of Friendship.

Minsan lang no... may mga expectations ka.

Nag-expect ka.

Eh hindi na-meet.

Sinong may kasalanan?

Hindi ba yung nagkaroon ng expectations?

Siguro nga kasalanan ko. Akala ko....itinigil ko na ang pagiging idealist eh. Eh mukang hindi pa pala.

Akala ko itinigil ko na ang paniniwala sa mga Fairytale. Eh haler. yung post ko nga "Fairytale" pa din ang title.

Bilog ang mundo.

May mga kaibigan akong itinuring kong kaibigan at siguro I overly trust. Even my life. Kaya kong ipagkatiwala sa mga taong ito.

And why is my trust that I give to people just being thrown away like that?

Hindi ko alam. Siguro dahil sa "expectations" ko. Ako talaga siguro yung may kasalanan. nag-expect ako. At hindi nila kayang i-meet. So ako pa rin yung may kasalanan talaga.

Gusto ko sanang tanggapin yun. Oo kasalanan ko.

Pero dahil blog ko ito. Pwedeng magsalita?

First time kong ma-experience na tratuhin na parang basahan sa kalye hinila-hila. Ang pag-isipan ako ng masama na pati pang-aagaw ng boyfriend eh gagawin ko at lastly.... ipasa na parang bola kasi yung isang player eh pagod ng maglaro at gusto ng mamahinga.

Alam nyo ung pakiramdam nun?

The worst feeling for me is -- kaawaan ang sarili.

Ayoko ng ganun pakiramdam. At yun ang naramdaman ko just recently.

Therefore...isa akong bobo at tangang babae. Hinayaan ko ang mga tao na ipa-experience ang ganitong pakiramdam.

Yes. Isa akong taong mahina, tanga at bobo.

Dahil ibinigay ko ang tiwala ko sa mga taong ito ng ganun lang.

"Fairytale"

2011-11-02T21:19:00.004+08:00

Hindi ko masisi ko ang ilang mga tao ay sumuko at mamahinga panandalian sa paghahanap o kahit paghihintay ng pagmamahal.

They been waiting for this all this life. They were rejected many times already. Masakit yun. Yung sakit ba na nakakamanhid.

Kailangan ng oras para maghilom ang mga sugat na dala ng mga di magagandang karanasang ito.

Sa bawat tao na nariringgan ko ng istorya ng buhay na katulad ng ganito, hindi ko maiwasang ikumpara ito sa buhay ko.

I was left alone by those people that I have allowed to enter my life. Siyempre, minahal at itinuring kong isang magandang alaala ang mga oras na nakasama ko ang mga taong ito.

At katulad ng taong nakakwentuhan ko ngayong gabi, parehas kaming naging biktima ng pagkakataon at mga desisyon ginawa namin sa mga buhay namin.

Pero katulad ng sinabi nya, si Lord lang naman ang nakakaalam ng mga bagay na susunod na mangyayari. May dahilan ang lahat. Siguro maiintindihan din namin yun pagdating ng takdang panahon.

Siya yung nagkuwento pero, ako yung nakaramdam ng lungkot. He is sad. He felt hopeless. Like me.

I hope someday, we will be given another shot for love. At sana this time, sa amin kakampi ang tadhana. Kami naman yung next set ng mga taong sasaya. Matagpuan na namin ang mga prinsipe at prinsesa ng mga buhay namin. Sana dumating na sa amin ang katagang - "...and they live happily ever after..."

Sana dumating na nga yun no? Sana. Sana. Sana.

Maniniwala na lang ako. Ito na lang ang meron ako. :)

Reasons to Smile

2011-10-01T12:00:00.002+08:00

Life is perfectly mysterious and unpredictable.

Weeks back, I almost fall in love with a guy. And then last week I just realized, I'm not. It's not love. It's just an emotional attachment.

Today, I realized I am physically attracted to a guy I barely known.

Do I like him? Yes. But am I in love.? No. Maybe not yet.

Blaaah.

Do I want to be in love? Im not sure. I don't know what love is anymore.

But I want to be in love.

My life is complicated as it seems but I'm happy. God has allowed me to experience these things and learn from it.

My God maybe allows it. So I can complete this whole life experience while I'm here on earth.

God is sending me reasons to smile everyday. I may not be the happiest girl with special someone in her life. But I'm contently happy.

I felt like God is looking at me closely. His holy glance is on me. I'm overwhelmed.

Thank you Lord for allowing me to experience new things everyday.For making me smile like you always always do.

Pain and Highschool crush

2011-08-12T20:31:00.004+08:00

May mga tao talagang nagkakatuluyan. At meron naman hindi.

Minsan gusto ko isipin na sana meron na lang tao for me at this moment....at this second.

God's message for me today - You're not alone.

Nakakatakot isipin na hindi ako nag-iisa. Eh sino kasama ko? Haha.

Pero naka-comfort din. I've been single for a long time now. And to hear that message comforts me.

Promise. Totoo naman hindi ako nag-iisa dahil marami tao sa paligid ko. Andyan ang mga totoong kaibigan, officemates, bestfriends at pamilya ko.

Sa totoo lang, hindi naman talaga ako nag-iisa.

Pero siyempre...iba pa rin siguro kung meron may magsasabi na. "You're mine".

At sasabihin ko - acknowledge! hahahaha!

Kidding. Ang sasabihin ko lang simple...

"I'm forever yours" *hearts* :)

Highschool crush

I have this guy that I want....like...gusto...

Pero di pwede. Bakit? Hindi ko alam eh. Ayoko sagutin. Ayoko rin syang ma-expose sa buong blogosphere.

Hindi ko alam ang gagawin. I prayed to the Lord last night na tulungan nya ako.

Pero parang ang gustong sabihin ni Lord. "Alam mo naman ang dapat mong gawin".

Ano nga ba?

Actually alam ko, pero di ko magawa eh. Haay. ewan ko ba. Kailangan ko ng bakasyon at makakilala ulit ng mga tao. Hinid ko malabanan ang sarili ko. Hindi ko kayang ipakita sa taong gusto ko na gusto ko sya. Kahit sa tingin lang.

Buset.

Bakit ba ang galing kong umarte na ok lang lahat no? Bakit ang galing kong magtago ng nararamdaman ko? Bakit walang makahuli sa akin na nagtatago lang ako?

Bakit kaya hindi ko kaya?

Pain

Nung mga nakaraang buwan or weeks yata eh nasabi ko na open ako to feel pain again. At eto nga nararamdaman ko na ngayon, gusto ko ng sumuko.

Yung puso ko parang namamanhid lang na nakalutang sa ere. Ganun yung pakiramdam. Sumisikip ang paghinga ko.

Hindi ko alam kung kailan hihinto itong ganitong pakiramdam. Sana mabilis lang.

Hindi ako sanay maging malungkot.

Ang sakit sakit ng puso ko. *figurative pwede din literal*

Sleep is my friend now.

2011-07-27T09:20:00.006+08:00

I'm not sure kung tama itong ginagawa ko. Pero feeling ko papunta ako malapit sa bangin. At anytime eh pwede akong madulas at tuluyan mahulog. Ito na ba yung start ng adventure ko sa pakikipagmeet sa pain? (read related post: Overcoming pain and abnormal sleep)Hanggang kailan ko makakayanan? Madudurog ba ang puso ko sa sakit na hihilingin ko na rin magpa-bypass operation soon?

Ang sagot. Hindi ko alam. Wala pa naman sakit sa ngayon.... Hmmn. I dont wanna think about it. (Well ngayon lang naisip habang sinusulat ko ito) Pero sa totoo lang, natatakot ako. Kaya ko kaya?

Let's see.

I'm overanalyzing again. Pwedeng pakibatukan ako? Kailangan kong bumalik sa reality at sa tamang pag-iisip. I need to be rational kahit mukang imposible. Dahil sa 80% yata ang dominion ng heart ko vs isip ko. Mas nakakaramdam ako kaysa nag-iisip. (Hindi lang halata...)

Sleep is my friend now.

I sleep well last night. Tingin ko, kailangan kong pagbigyan ang sarili ko to be with this guy. Pero dapat tama lang. Pag sobra, di na naman ako makakatulog. Pag kulang naman, di pa rin ako makakatulog. (Nak ng... di ko na maintindihan ang sarili ko... parang hayskul lang ako.) Tingin ko ang pagdeprive ko sa sarili minsan at pag ko ang nagpapahirap sa akin. Err.

Go with the flow. One day at a time. Bahala na. Kapag nahulog na ako sa malalim na balon at iiyak ako sa sobrang sakit ng damage sa akin, may darating kaya para i-rescue ako?

Ok yan ang hayskul na hopeless romantic na idea. Tama na ito. Haha.

Overcoming pain and abnormal sleep

2011-07-26T00:43:00.005+08:00

For two weeks na yata akong may abnormal sleeping patterns. And yes, for the first time the reason is I am thinking of someone.

Totoo pala yun na kapag may iniisip kang tao, well plus added certain degree ng reasons mo kung why mo sya iniisip - ay mahihirapan ka lang makatulog.

I experience that for almost 2-3 weeks. I am bothered by some face. Hmmmn. Di ko muna sasabihin dito para sa kaligtasan nya. (LOL) Pero higit sa lahat para sa kanyang peace of mind.

Maintriga na kayo pero di ko talaga sasabihin.

Marami na akong sinubukan, napagtanungan at nahingian ng payo. Pero alas! Meron pinadalang anghel ulit sa akin ang langit. And we have unplanned date last Friday lang. I got some answers to my questions. At may ilan akong isi-share sa buong blogosphere.

1. Yung iniisip kong someone is my type na di ko inaamin sa sarili ko. TMI (Too much information). Hanggang dito na lang.

2. In order para makatulog ako, kailangan kong i-accept and idea na type ko sya.

Thank God. I sleep so well after that night.

But I just declared to the whole universe that I officially like this guy. If kung kailan? Hindi ko alam. Ang alam ko lang I like him. Kung magugustuhan nya ako back? Di ko rin alam. Ayoko ng magoveranalyze. But I am right now right? Someone stop me now. Please. Haha.

Running away from pain...

There are some wisdom that's been shared that night. Thru my friend, I realized that I've been running away from pain for a long time. I never experience it personally on that level na naexperience ng iba. Maybe God wants me to feel it and personally overcome it.

I actually admit that I cannot tolerate pain. Kaya nga, kapag parating pa lang yan, inihahanda ko na ang sarili ko. Pinipigilan ko na. Sabi nga nila prevention is better than cure.

But I often forget the character you gain after feeling it. Hindi naman sa pagiging masokista no, pero most people who experience pain on extreme level are actually people who are stronger now. Kumbaga, naipasa na nila yung level na yun eh. At kapag naulit yun sa iyo, you know better how you'll deal with it.

And I've been running for pain for years. I realized that night, that maybe God has been giving to me my ultimate wish because He wants me first to pass this phase. Parang test lang. To personally overcome pain. At pumasa.

Pain is everywhere. Sa lahat ng area, mga kaibigan, pamilya - andun ang pain. Sana, magawa ko na malagpasan ang pain katulad ng mga kaibigan ko. Akala ko, naexperience ko na ang pain dati...dati....at dati pa. Pero,kung ikukumpara ang napagdaaanan ko sa mga napagdaanan ng mga kaibigan ko, sobrang mani lang yung story ko. Sometimes I use their story para mafeel ko ung state na pinakamasakit. Ayun, nararamdaman ko naman. I learned the lesson din. Kaso lang, minsan tingin ko control freak naman ako. Dahil nga, hindi ko na hinahayaan masaktan ang sarili ko. Lalo na sa lovelife. Ayun, kaya wala akong boypren siguro. Hehe. :D

Is Pain = Boyfriend?

I dont know. Kasi para sa akin. Boyfriend = Love. Haha. So..not applicable.

Pero may kasabihan nga, kung ayaw mong masaktan, wala kang karapatang main-love.

So choose wisely.

My take is...

Type ko itong guy na ito. And yes universe, I'm ready to take the challenge to overcome pain. Game naaa! :)

**thanks sis @romzkee for our fridate. :) You really are God sent angel that night. mwah! :)

K-Drama - 49 Days (ABS-CBN - Pure Love)

2011-07-10T22:01:00.007+08:00

On Corporate Blaaah.

2011-06-28T12:10:00.004+08:00

Too much issues sa corporate. Totoo ang kasabihan - "we cant please everyone". Tabi tabi po sa tatamaan. Here are my views on the following concerns.

1. Escalation. Tama na ang isang beses sana na i-escalate. Kuha na ng team eh. Nakakarindi ang maraming escalation. Pinapaingay at pinapalaki ang isang simpleng issue. Kung di nagrespond ang team, eh di escalate nyo sa head/lead/manager. Tick-tock - 9:30 AM

2. Bypass - Kung isa kang head/manager or TL at may gusto kang ipagawa sa ibang team? Sino sa palagay mo ang dapat mong kausapin? Alam mo ba ang sagot? I bet alam mo. Eh di sa ka-level mo din. Hindi ka lalapit agad sa subordinate. Haay buhay. Haay buhay. Tick-tock 9:45 aM

3. Colleagues - Sobra kong naa-admire ang mga yuppies na sa early 20's nila ay humahawak ng malaking responsibilidad. Para silang mga maliliit na ibon na gustong lumipad. Tinuturuan sila ng mga nanay nila, hinahayaan magkamali at bumagsak sa lupa at sa maliit na panahon ay natuto din sila ikampay ang mga pakpak nila. Nakakatuwa ang journey ng learning nila. Ito ang pinakagintong panahon na hindi nila malilimutan forever. Tick-tock 2:15 PM

4. Alam nyo ba ang ano ang mas higit at importante sa tatlo - hope, faith and love. It's loyalty - Wi Mae Ri - Marry Me Mary (K-series)

5. Pasaway na subordinate - Will not discuss this in detail. Delikado. :D

On strength and being still

2011-06-22T23:29:00.004+08:00

I will just stay still. shut my mouth and know that you are God.

God be my strength please. :)

On Commitments - My realizations

2011-06-19T23:12:00.012+08:00

Today, I got God's message from facebook.

On this day, God wants you to know

... that today is a big day for you. Yes, today. Keep your eyes open for a message. It might come in a shape of a bird flying overhead, or a graffiti on a wall, or a phrase said by a passerby, or... Whatever shape it has, this message has been trying to reach you for years, and today is finally the day. Keep your senses open.

At siyempre inalala ko naman ang mga figures at grafitti na pwede kong makita. Clue lang na malaki: Nasa bahay lang ako buong araw. Kanina lang hapon, served mass. Ngayon nag-iisip ako talaga kung ano ung nakita ko text, or whatever figure that could bring the message....

Mga candidates:

1. The Journey Home - a story about a son who cant forgive his father. Tons of biblical messages about forgiveness and God's love and mercy to those who accepts and returns to him. Crying moment ako kanina. Deeply touched with the message of the movie. It moved me. His words touched my heart. Pwedeng ito yung message. Pwede talaga.

2. Reading Today Matters book by John Maxwell gave me and made me thought of these lines:

"If you want something out of your day, you must put something in it. Your talent is what God put in before you were born. Your skills are what you must put in yesterday. Commitment is what you must put in today in order to make today your masterpiece and make a tomorrow a success."

Boom!

Isa pa...Boooooom!

I realized and asked myself when did was the last time I commit into something I really really want.

Actually I dont have problems on committing things. - schedules, deadlines and plans.
I usually prioritize these items everyday naman.

Pero tingin ko nagkulang akong iprioritize ang mga personal needs ko. Well not just lately, but for a longer time na yata. Shesssh.

On tweets

Twice na yata na tiniweet ko ang isang girl na over-bantay at over-effort sa isa sa most interesting guy in the office. I like this guy. Single? YES. Sa wakas. Finally, pwede. Haha.

Kung isa akong bubuyog at si dream guy ay bulaklak, may nakita na akong umaaligid na bubuyog sa paligid nya .(Heto na naman. Lagi na lang ganito...Parang nangyari na rin ito dati)

I know my tendency if to fight with the other bubuyog around. Maging competitive di ba? Kaso...thinking fairly, tingin ko, teritoryo nya na kasi yun eh. Nauna sya. Law of Karma. In short...

Sorry na, pero wala pa akong ginagawa, sumuko na ako Nagdecide ako kasi maliit na lang yung chance. Hindi ako talaga lumalaban ng ganun style. (Hindi ko rin alam kung kailangan kung kailangan lumaban gamit ang style na yun... - kaeklarvarvahan )

Haay buhay. :(

Ayun. Akala ko ok lang yun. But thinking ung sinabi ni pareng Maxwell, tingin ko may mali. Isa-isahin natin:

If you want something out of your day, you must put something in it.

Yung bubuyong na sinabi ko...everyday, isinasalampak nya yung presence nya dun sa most interesting guy in the office.

Ako? Busy. Maraming ginagawa. Di makahinga minsan.

Teka but is this reason enough? Im not sure really. Pero sa totoo lang, I realized wala pa pala naman akong ginagawa. At habang nare-realize ko na wala pala akong ginawa, gusto ko sampalin sarili ko ngayon.

Wala pala ako karapatan mag-rant. Echusera akong palaka. In the first place wala naman akong nainvest. Tapos umaasa ako ng ROI (return of investment). Ano ako hello?

Pero sa linyang ito, inaamin ko, kailangan may gawin ako. Ano ang gagawin ko? Paano?

Your talent is what God put in before you were born. Your skills are what you must put in yesterday.

Ok. Talent? Anong talent ko? Meron akong "talent" kung tutuusin naman. Eh meron din talent ang iba. Hahaha. Ano ang pinagkaiba Tingin ko alam ko na ang kulang.

The Problem

Commitment is what you must put in today in order to make today your masterpiece and make a tomorrow a success.

Commitment. Wala ako nito. Madalas kong pansinin ang mga friends ko na dapat maging committed sila sa work, sa relationship and everything they do. Teka, ibig bang sabihin, wala akong commitment? Meron. Pero not in the area na dapat ko ng pagtuunan ng pansin.

I am not committed in bringing someone in my life right now.

Na-realize ko na wala akong ginagawang effort at all. Bakit? Well. Iniisip ko pa. Teka. Haha

Siguro kasi:
- Nag-effort na ako dati ng bonggang bongga. Ilang beses na rin nag-fail. Napagod ako siguro. I met jerks along the way or people who cant commit because they are not ready. Too young. Not decided. I'm too serious daw (gusto ba nila maglaro ako? haha) In short, di lang talaga ready. haha. (yun na lang muna comment ko.)

Naisip ko kung sa akin ang problem. Pero mukang hindi naman. Hindi pala siguro oras. Mahirap tanggapin yun ah. Pero wala akong magagawa kundi i-convince ang sarili ko. Nag-move on na ang mga tao. Kailangan ko na rin. Di ba?

Wala akong ibang wish kay Lord that one day...isang araw...manalo na ako. And when that time comes, it will be a sweet lifetime victory. Yun na lang pang-motivate. Kailangan. :)

- Napagod ako kaya nasa resting period ako ngayon. Pwede naman magpahinga di ba? Di naman ito for years. Hopefully months lang.

- Wala akong commitment na mag-effort dahil I gave up already. I gave up my life to Jesus. I promised him at the start of the year na sya na bahala sa buhay ko. Siya na bahala mag-control. I did control this area for the last 27 years. Naisip ko kung ibibigay ko sa kanya ang kontrol, alam ko magkakaroon na ako ng direksyon. It is scary and liberating feeling actually. Scary dahil ngayon di ko na alam ang mangyayari. Felt peace somehow the He is in control. Bahala na. Yun ang iniisip ko. Magtitiwala lang ako at maniniwala. Faith,Hope and Love. Ito lang ang baon ko araw araw. I just agree to the Lord na itong area na ito ang hindi mo pwedeng kontrolin - Love.

Wait lang...

Ibig bang sabihin nito di ka na magi-effort? Magi-effort pa din. Malalaman ko naman kung may darating. Mararamdaman ko yun.

Hindi lang talaga ako naghahanap ngayon. So I am not committed to do anything.

Pero upon reading these lines, hindi ko alam kung bakit. Kailangan ko na bang kumilos. Yun ba yung message?

Ang maging committed ako ulit? Hehe.

Lord please give me signs for an answer.... :)

The day I got braces!

2011-04-26T18:33:00.004+08:00

Akala nyo ba masaya?

Akala nyo fashionable?

Akala nyo ba nakakatuwa?

Akala nyo ba talaga?!!!!!

Wala na akong magagawa.

Magastos. Uncomfortable. Masakit.

Andito na ito eh. All the pain are worth the wait.

Shushunod na lang muna ako sa agosh. ;) Hahahaha!

Lenten Reflections 2011

2011-04-26T00:19:00.020+08:00

Happy Easter everyone! :)

I am not sure what to write. But I just wanna share the very message of God told me just today in the mass.

“I died for you so you can live….”

I realized that what Jesus did on the cross was a gift.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. Ephesians 2:8-9

Sino pa ba ang makakapantay sa ginawa? This wonderful gift just save humanity lang naman. :D

A.M.N.E.S.I.A.

Totoo nga ang sinabi ni Father Daniel na ang pinakamatagal at sa tingin kong pinakamalalang sakit ng tao ay ang Amnesia.

We as human often forgets the things God has given us.

And sometimes when we choose to sin, we think that we are in debt with our Holy God. Judgement: Guilty!

That's what I did. I felt and thought that I am.

Just this holy week, I haven’t choose a sacrifice to offer to Jesus. I stayed and bummed in the house all day (sorry sa mga nag-stay din sa house that's not my point...). My point is I felt really guilty because I know I can do more for him.

But every time, this feeling of guiltiness creeps in, God has never failed me to secure me of His words.

The Promise

Oo na makulit lang ako.

Gusto ko lang bumawi. I know it's by my own works that I am saved. Pero dahil si Jesus lang naman ang Lord ng buhay ko, I did make a promise.

Na:

- Babawi ako on the next days and weeks to come.

- I will try to live Maundy Thursday and Good Friday till Easter Sunday every day of my life. This time I will try harder by the grace of God.

- When I sin. I will always choose to repent. Babalik at babalik ako pa rin sa kanya. :)

Guys Holy week should not be one week or 40 days fasting and praying. But I think the very essence ng Holy week for us Christian is:

To remember what Christ did for on the cross us everyday of our lives.

Guys...let's all kill our amnesia. Hehe. :)

Amen.

Photo Credit: http://prayerbookforreligious.blogspot.com

One of so many reasons.... :)

2011-03-31T00:38:00.004+08:00

After that crying night, ito na yung pangalawang araw na hindi ako hinahayaan ng Diyos na mag-isa. :)

Thank God for friends.

Going back on track.

2011-03-07T23:46:00.004+08:00

Actually I am not inspired to write. But everything happens for a reason so I clicked and read on my blogpost again and check some articles I wrote. See people's comments on it. And I smiled when I learn that they learn on what I have shared.

Pero ngayon naghahanap naman ako ng inspirasyon. Tingin ko naubos na ang inspirasyon ko. I've been stalled with my current state. What's been happening to me lately?

Jotting it down some things on my head. See my list. (These are the things I am missing out and I am planning to make up)

1. SFC - Been inactive in SFC. For a long time now. I miss my sisses in Sunvalley. I miss the fellowship, late night meetings and just that amazingly spiritual feeling when I'm in with my SFC Sunvalley family. I miss our music ministry. I miss praising together with the people I know would stay the way I know them for the rest of my life. I miss being with a bunch of people who I know would understand my faith. I felt I stopped growing. It is just so hard to grow when you're alone. Growing spiritually I mean.

2. Feast - Alam ko may utang ako dito kay Ate Rhena. At alam ko matagal ko na rin utang ito Lord. Haay. I promise. I'll find time to attend next next week. :)

3. Quiet time - Failing it everyday. And I'm sad because I do always slept late but never had a chance to fulfill just a 15 mins alone with God. :( I know I need to make it up. Like now. Right?

I know I need to clean up and do some fixing. Because right now...I feel like it is all mess. Para lang akong nasanay. No one is being accountable to check or to remind me. I know this is wrong and stuff. But sad I did it. Yung mga ganun. I'm not happy with what I'm going and yes I know I need get back on track soon.

I always believe na it's never too late to go back. To do what is right, repent and change for the better. Sabi nga ni Father Ben sa homily nya last Sunday, the Lord knows you are not perfect, but it your effort to change that counts. After all, alam nya ang laman ng heart natin. Yun naman ang di natin madadaya. So make an effort to change. He will appreciate. Kahit pakonti-konti. Try harder. Not just try. And make sure to learn the gist of it. Store the lesson in your heart. If you let you heart follow it, your mind and body will follow next.

"...for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy." - 1 Peter 1:16

For now...I know I must seek help. And I know also na hindi ko ito kaya mag-isa. I need prayers and to be with people who'll help.

Lord, please send these people to me.

So help me God... :)

I'm going to Korea!

2011-02-23T08:57:00.010+08:00

Faith talks

I've been doing some cleaning up lately. I'm trying to focus myself on some important goals. LOVELIFE not. Nanawa na ako mag-focus sa area na ito. Sabi nga ni Dr. Love dun sa sharing nya sa lector meeting namin, kung will na ng Diyos ang isang bagay na mangyari, kahit na anong pigil ko na hindi ito mangyari, MANGYAYARI sya. Pero mukhang kahit anong will ko sa area na ito na magkaroon eh mukhang hindi pa kalooban ng Diyos. The real challenge sabi nga ni Dr. Love, ay tanggapin ang will na ito ng Diyos para sa buhay mo. Ang naturalesa kasi ng tao eh ay i-resist ito. Paano mo nga ba naman tatanggapin ang isang bagay na hindi mo gusto (pa)?

Maybe love is not yet destined to visit me yet. Mararamdaman ko naman yun kapag andyan na. Kung ano and andyan... (ano talaga...bagay ba ito? haha!) I will appreciate. Darating din yan sa oras na baka di ko pa inaasahan.

Korea is <3
Sinasabi nila na kapag parati mong iniisip ang isang bagay at nag-stay ito sa thoughts mo ng matagal eh ina-attract mo ang bagay na ito sa iyo.

Sa hinaba-haba ba naman ng pangangarap ko. Plus pagkahilig ko pa sa Korean songs....ay heto na nga. Makakapunta na ako ng Korea. Yahoooo! Sa November na ang flight ko. Waaaaaaa!

These nature miracles waits for us in Korea.

Million thanks siyempre sa promofare ng Cebu Pacific (you deserved to be *linkloved*)

The Love Advice from Anonymous (and my new Minimalistic theme)

2011-02-19T18:46:00.005+08:00

Yuck... minimalist daw? hahahah!

I change template. Napapanahon na. Nag-explore ako ng mga useful widgets ni blogger, nag-iba ng layout at kung anu-ano na lang ang sinubok ko para mabuhay ang simpleing minimalistic na theme na ito. Haha!

Well, I also remove spammy comments. And I came across with an advise with Anonymous person. He/She is so nice. Nag-blog sya sa sarili kong blog. Lol.

Sharing this to you all guys. -> http://kangelsconfessions.blogspot.com/2009/01/guys-please-langpost-bday-celebration.html?showComment=1233287640000#c2606629724836045042

Get out. Being in the right place at the right time will surely help a lot. As Cano puts it, "don't expect prince charming to fall on your lap.

Know more about him. Consult the authority. And when I say more, go beyond knowing which org he/she belongs. Get more personal details. His/her waistline perhaps? =p

Be his friend. "Most relationships bloom from friendship."

Learn to decode his/her body language. Listen when he/she is NOT talking.

Let him take a hint, not a declaration, for crying out loud. To put it bluntly, mahiya ka naman! Konting hinhin! But I doubt if this is applicable to men. I think you’ll be more appreciated if you cry out loud how you feel. =)

Surprise him/her. You decide how.

Humor him. I'm not good here. But don't overdo this else you'll end up as best friends. =(

Keep your communication lines open. As for me, this is step one. Haha.

Get enough sleep. Ok. I understand if you can't do this. Haha.

Dream and Psyche yourself. You + Him/Her = Forever. Lol.

Let him/her know more about you. "But don't reveal too much." True.

Think and feel beautiful/good-looking. "Even if you're not. But don't lie to yourself too much."

Advertise - subtly. "Nothing beats word-of-mouth advertising." Make use of you friends, that person's friends, and your common friends.

Entertain other suitors. Assuming you have. =p Men, I tell you, don't do this. And don't court anyone else too.

Be different to be noticed but don't stand out like a sore thumb.

Be nice to his/her friends. "They compose his Recommendation and Approval Committee." Let me warn you though that this may not come off as easy. That's me talking based on experience. Haha.

Read old love letters when your confidence falters. This will remind you that you were, once, adorable.

Be nice to your friends. "They're a perfect better-luck-next-time cheering squad and the best cushion when your efforts fail.

Be nice to yourself. You owe much to yourself. As a rule I have imposed, I always make sure I have enough respect left for myself. And believe me, this saved me so many times. Without this, I'd probable be emo now. Thank goodness. =)1. Don't expect prince charming to fall on your lap. Get out.

Nice no? Sabeeeh ko naman di ba? :)

Reading comments like this makes me wanna go back to blogging more. Yes may twitter na and all. But iba pa rin ang makakilala ng mga tao across WWW space and makakuha ng ganitong wisdom.

God has his own way of sending his messages talaga.

Gutom na ako. Bayee. Sunod ulit. Kailan kaya ung next? haha!

Love Rants and Prayers

2011-02-10T18:12:00.008+08:00

Alam mo ung pakiramdam na halos lahat nagkakadyowa - nagkakaboyfriend at nagkakagirlfriend na. Yung mga mga kaibigan mo pa...mga kakilala....kahit nga yung hindi....yung mga matagal ng naghintay, yung mga nakailan palit na...eh meron ulit bago...

Ang tanong....anong pakiramdam?

Pakshet. Nakakainis...nakakalungkot...at kahit ayoko...may konti akong awang nararamdaman sa sarili ko.

Sabi ko after college... (well honestly kahit nung college) ay papayagan ko na ang sarili ko na magkaroon boyfriend. Pero ganun yata talga. Mukang ayaw pa ng Diyos. (Sana naman gusto nya talaga akong magkaroon)

Gusto ko lang sabihin na nakakalungkot ng sobra. Ayokong magkumpara pero hindi ko maiwasan minsan. :(

Masaya naman ako ngayon. Pero kapag meron talga akong nakikitang kakilala na masaya na ngayon dahil ayun, natupad na ung wish nila to be with someone they love....hindi ko maiwasan ang malungkot. Alam mo yung pakiramdam ng may mabigat na maso yata ang nakadagan sa heart. Alam mo un ang bigat huminga....parang lumiit bigla ang butas ng air sacs ng lungs mo.

Wala akong lakas kundi tanggapin ang mga nakikita ko. At huminga ng malalim. Para lang bumalik sa dati ang paghinga ko. Baka mawala lang ung mabigat na pakiramdam di ba? Pwede naman magwish? Pero sana nga....nawawala na lang.

Ok naman ako pag natatanggap ko na eh. Pero kapag may nakikita akong bagong official couple ulit. Ayan na naman yung pakiramdam. Feeling ko pinagsisigawan sa akin ng dalawa bagong couple ang status ko sa buhay. (Daaaabaaa? Kainis. Haha!)

Alam naman ng Diyos kung ilang beses kong hiniling na dumating na sya sa buhay ko. Pero di pa nya tlaga kalooban eh. Kasi kung gusto nya tlaga at kalooban nya mangyari. Mangyayari yun. Pero baka di pa lang nya tlaga "will". At kung pipilitin ko, ako lang ang mapapagod. I know kasi ginawa ko yun for years. Lumaban ako....naghanap din...tinapon...di sineryoso...sumubok ulit...at naitapon ulit. Well di naman itinapon. Hindi lang talaga siguro kami tinatawag na "click".

Pero di ko naman pinagsisihan yun. Lord can make the best out of everything. Dun naman ako naniniwala. Naniniwala akong kailangan mong magkamali at matuto, magkamali ulit at matuto ulit. At magkamali for the nth time para mabatukan ka na ulit at matuto. Kailangan lang matuto. Learned the lesson to every failure. Hindi ako si Karen ngayon, kung hindi naman ako nagkamali. Again, may rason ang lahat ng bagay.

At dahil naipangako ko na sa sarili ko na sa pagtungtong ko ng 28 years of my existence sa mundo, ay i-embrace ko ang kalooban ng Diyos para sa akin. Panahon na para ipagkatiwala ko ng bongga ang area na ito ng buhay ko. Tingin ko ang lovelife ko ang pinakamatinding may scarcity talaga. Dito sa area na ito bumobongga ang prayer life ko. At heto lang ung tingin kong bongga ang personal wish ko sa sa Kanya. Haay ang description ko talaga eh bongga no? May advantage kasi kapag single ka. Well since alam mong may scarcity na yun sa parte ng buhay mo... maiiyak ka na lang sa kahinaan talaga. Ang Diyos siyempre forever lang waiting for you to call His name. Ayun close na kami talaga. Haha! :D

Haaay. gusto ko lang mag-rant. Ambigat na kasi ng pakiramdam ko. Soooobraaaa. Kaya naman andito ang blog na ito di ba? Sighness. :(

Darating din ang araw maiintindihan ko ang lahat.
Ang lahat ng bagay ay may dahilan. Kailangan ko lang magtiwala. :)

And I will trust.

Jesus, my heart is sad right now. Alam nyo naman pasayahin ako. Kayo na bahala sa akin :)

Being single...

2010-11-26T18:25:00.004+08:00

I always think that being single is the most sad and most frightening feeling of a woman.

But I realized that:

Being single is being happy in spite of the absence of that special someone.
Being single is being stronger in spite of the world showing you that you are alone and you have no one to depend to.
Being single is being faithful when everything falls down, reaping your visions, decreasing your hope and destroying your beliefs on love.

You as a single woman alone makes God favored you more, blessed you more and romance you more.

Having single life is where you open your hands to best of what the world and your loving God can offer. It's how you receive it with open mind and open heart.

Fly like you never did before.

Till then....

The Mcdo Story and a Prayer

2010-11-17T00:01:00.005+08:00

I've been thinking a lot. And I would be pouring out some of them tonight. This time...ipo-post ko na. Gee :D

I was in Zambales with Marketing peeps. Originally team building ito ng Marketing Design. Honored ako, I was invited. I enjoyed. Na-relax ako. After all, I need a break from stress. :)

Many thanks to Marketing :)

But that never stopped me of thinking of my events in the past. Sa totoo lang, ayoko na talaga isipin. I'm not sure why I am keep revisiting these stories of happiness, heartbreaks and realizations. I don't know if I really want to share these. After all, it's not a happy ending.

Pero heto na lang....

- Gusto ko sabihin na it is really not fair. (I know....right?) Gusto ko magalit pero di ko magawa. I just understand. I wanna shout to the world na he should not treat me that way. It is just not fair. It breaks my heart until now. Siguro yun ang totoo. Basta na lang sya nawala, Naiwan ako. Sinong hanging? Sinong tao ang hindi alam kung ano ang tamang dapat na pakiramdam? Sino ba yung hindi alam kung ano ngayon ang dapat gawin?

Ako.

Pero positive ako di ba? Wala naman ako magagawa kundi to move on. Kahit gustuhin ko magalit, wala naman magagawa ang galit ko. I felt pain. Minsan nagre-revisit ang pain. Glad most of the days ok ako. Pero heto pag sinusumpong ako. Lalo na whenever I felt I'm alone. And all I have is my hope, my faith. Ito na lang bala ko. Kung wala ito, isa na akong nauupos na sigarilyo. Dead end na.

Being sad is healthy daw base sa mga books na nabasa ko. Pero ano ba ang dapat gawin sa sadness na parang pakiramdam mo, gusto mo na lang tumigil. Acknowledge mo naman ang lungkot. You just feel sh*t when you feel it. It drains you. Masisi mo ba kung iwish mo na humanap ng solusyon. After all who wants to be hunted by the past? Wala di ba?

At the end of the day, I'll just cry this out and I'll be ok. Sa mga "macho" world ng mga lalaki, ang pag-iyak ay kaduwagan. Buti na lang, babae ako. I can cry whenever I want ng walang nakikialam sa akin. Crying is my release. My last resort to be re-energized. Sasamahan ko na lang ng dasal kay Bro. Best combination! :D Admitting your weakness is the most humbling experience. Because after that, strength naman ni Bro ang papalit. And YES - your life would never be the same again. That is the life I live each day. :)

Habang ginagawa ko ang blog na ito ay nakasalang ang kantang "Never Gonna Let You Go" ni Sergio Mendez. This is the most requested song tonight by yours truly. Pagbigyan nyo na ako. :) YES emo na. Ok pakibatukan na ako now naaah. Haha. :)

The Mcdo Story and a Prayer

Kanina, pagkatapos kong mag-gym sa Slimmers ay dumiretso ako ng Mcdo for a sinful dinner - chicken meal, pineapple juice(pilit), french fries (pilit na regular) at hmmmn... - ang gintong mayonnaise ng Mcdo. Hehe. Yes all fatty. Ubos. Busog. And YES - balewala ang pagburn sa gym. Haha!

Sinasanay ko na ang sarili ko na mag-isa. Sanay na naman. Wala naman problema. Pero alam mo yun, you're hoping... na may kasama ka. Kakwentuhan.

Pero ang hirap kasi magyaya. Kundi mo ililibre, pahirapan dahil magpapaalam pa sa boyfriend or girlfriend. Yun yung mga oras na gusto mong mag-wish na sana maging single lahat ng mga tao. Para walang ganun kalaking effort mag-invite. Sus teh.

In short, I was alone at inatake ako ng pagka-emo. Stop reading this post, kung di nyo na ma-keri ang iba ko pang sasabihin.

Habang nakatingin ako sa mga tao sa paligid ko, usually friends ang lovers sa mga tables, kinausap ko si Bro. And I made a prayer.

I'm not sure if I have remembered it all right, pero parang ganito ang thought....

"Lord, sana wag nyo po akong mapalapit or mag-isip ng matindi kay .... At sana kung hahayaan nyong dumating ang kahit sino sa life ko, sana naman, di na ako dehado. Yung sure ball na Bro... Wala ng hulaan. Yung yun na yun. Pagod na kasi ako eh. Baka di ko na kayanin yun next..."

Ayan, isipin nyo na nasisiraan na ako at gutom lang yan. Haha! But usually with moments like this sa nakikita kong mga nagkalat na lovers, at sa nagmumurang status ko currently as SINGLE, I'm alone, sinong hindi magdadasal para sa karagdagang strength para mabuhay ka sa mundong ibabaw di ba? Tao lang po at napi-pressure din talaga ako. Bah. Sobrang hirap... At hindi ko ito kakayaning mag-isa without the divine powers from Him. He is my source of strength. My ever present help in all troubles... Biblical na ito...sabihan nyo na akong religious...Patay na ang puso ko at kaluluwa ko kung wala si Bro sa buhay ko. And yes, wala ako sa lugar ko ngayon kung hindi dahil sa kanya. :)

I will always be positive. That's one thing I'll promise. I poured a lot of tears tonight. But that's my way of regaining my strength back. Hindi parating ganito ang lahat. I know there is end to this chapter. And new chapter will start for me. I'm not sure when. But I'll just trust Him. After all, He has given what I have right now. I know and I believe in my heart na simula pa lang yun, Hindi pa nagtatapos ang blessings at magagandang bagay na plans nya sa life ko. I will continue to believe this dahil after all, iwan man ako ng lahat, hindi man dumating ang taong matagal ko ng hinihintay.... isa lang ang sureball ko - si Bro ay hindi magpi-fail na tumupad sa lyrics ng kantang - Never Gonna Let You Go.

Because He has never let me go... :) Hanggang ngayon.

Good night and I'm back to blogging guys! :D

Lord, tanong lang....

2010-11-09T23:54:00.005+08:00

Lord, kung daig ng malandi ang maganda....sana maging fair ang mundo sa magaganda na hindi malandi no?

Wala lang... para fair lang di ba? :D

October Random thoughts

2010-10-19T23:27:00.009+08:00

I have this friend, who I really treated someone special to me. At one point he really became that ideal person - my shining armor. But I realize he maybe not my so long expected Knight. :(

***

I have a new crush sa gym. I dont know his name yet. I'm not sure kung gusto ko rin malaman. Wanna keep the mystery. :D *Lord sana hindi siya gay. *PLEEAASSEEE :P *

***

Struggles - sobrang dami. Di ko na mabilang. Lol. But that how I battled with life everyday. I learned from life. I realize I find wisdom in everything I do in every situation I am engaged in. I lost the battle sometimes but most of the time I won. God never fails. He continuously guide and open my eyes (thru my friends).

***

Winning is relative. You win, when you admit your mistakes, when you know how to say sorry and you know how to make amends if necessary.

***

Me: Why is everybody moving on? Parang ako na lang natira.... :(
Frend: Haha. May ganun drama... :D

Conquering Asia :D

2010-09-11T10:07:00.008+08:00

Wala sa plano ang magsulat ako ngayon. Pero to end the procrastination on my side, kailangan ko itong gawin.

Kamusta na ba si kangel after 2 months?

Ok naman ako. Taking one day at a time. Hehe. Hindi ko alam pero parang kinalimutan ko itong blog na ito for a long time. Dahil sa sobrang kabusyhan sa maraming bagay. I started to travel, fly,walk on my own. Well with my very deary friends, I started to explore places. Appreciate God creations more. Enjoy...truly live life for the first time. :D

Hehe.

Enough of drama moments. hehe.

Here is a little summary of things I did so far the last months.
1. First travel - Singapore - Favorite Spots: Sentosa - Universal Studios, Singapore flyer and the very famous Merlion at first splurge shopping of watches. I will never forget the walking forever namin ni Romskee. Hehe. :D

Verified disiplinado ang mga tao. Super saludo ako sa centralized bus system nila. May oras at nasa oras. Very successful city man ang Singapore, wala pa rin talo ang Pilipinas sa pagkakaroon ng warm na tao. Masusungit ang mga tao sa Singapore. Well hindi lahat. But generally medyo hindi sila warm. We have an incident with the Immigration officer, plus yung first hotel - Fragrance Hotel - namin na receptionist na racist and yung 7-11 crew na sinabihan ako na lazy imbes na "slow". People in SG seldom smile.

Gusto ko rin ung MTR nila. Smart architecture. Sealed and daanan ng train. So yung dirt hindi halos makikita sa waiting area. Aircon ang area nila decorated by lots of mall ads and train information.

At ang presyo ng tubig. Ginto. hehe. Mahal ang tubig at almost lahat ng basic needs dun. It's 3 day challenge for us ni Rom. Salamat sa street foods, 7-11 at sa mcdo.

Favorite activity sa Sentosa would be Luge and Skyride. Skyride gave us an overview of the whole city. Sarap sa itaas. Luge gave us a ride of our life. Nakakaadik. :D

Daming turista. Pero parang kalahati ng populasyon ng SG ay mga Indian. Pambihira kahit saan nakikita ko talaga sila.

Nagkaligaw-ligaw kami. Nakita ko ang catharsis moment ni Rom for the first time. Hehehe. Dala na rin ng sobrang pagod sa kalalakad, paghahabol ng oras para masunod ang itinerary.

Nagkita ang dalawang magkaibigan Em-em and Romz. Dun ko natutunan ang pagkain ng noodles with chopsticks and spoon.

We stayed at Budget One Hotel. Walk-in pero ito na yung pinakamura. We love our room. Spacious with 2 comfty beds. :D i love.

2. Hongkong - to be continued.... :)

Another Confession Story.

2010-07-05T18:50:00.007+08:00

Noon:
"Ang tanging lesson na natutunan ko that time is wag kang magpaasa ng lalaking hindi mo naman mahal tlaga. Natutunan ko kasi that time na kung magbibigay ka ng pag-asa that time sa isang taong nagmamahal sa iyo, sasaktan mo ang taong yun sa bandang huli. Pinaasa mo eh. Tapos di mo naman mahal. Kung ako nga naman yun, masakit, niloko ako eh."

Ngayon:
"Naniniwala pa rin ako na di ka dapat magpaasa ng tao kung talagang hindi mo naman ito mahal. Ang kaibahan lang ngayon, naisip ko na hindi naman masama ang kilalanin ang mga taong handang mag-offer ng love na ito sa iyo lalo na at pure at totoo."

Mahaba itong article na ito actually. Madrama din itong post na ito. Pwedeng pang-maalaala mo kaya. So I copy paste the gist. hehe. Usapang love eh. Ganun tlaga. Wag ng komontra. Marami nga nagpapakatanga sa subject na ito. Paminsan eh kasapi ako sa kultong ito. :D

You can email if you are interested sa buong story. (Seryoso ako) :D

Happiness!!! :D

2010-07-03T11:11:00.010+08:00

When God closes door, he will sure open another one for you.

Enough of all the pag-ee-emo mode lately. :P

Nakaka-stress. Haha. Sa sobrang dami kong iniisip, sobrang napupuno na ang utak ko sa pag-iisip ng kung anu-ano na lang. Simula sa pamilya ko, sa trabaho ko at sa ibang trabaho ko, sa mga gastusin ko, sa mga kaibigan ko, sa community ko, sa mga kakulangan ko lately sa quiet times ko, sa lovelife ko, sa mga nakakaasar na tao sa paligid ko (hehehe) , sa mga nakakatuwang tao, sa mga taong nagpagulo ng buhay ko at sa taong nag-aayos ulit neto. Haaaayyy!!!!!

Gusto kong maintindihan ang dahilan kung bakit ang isang bagay or event ay nangyari. At gusto kong ihiwalay ang makukuha kong dahilan sa nature ng taong involved (my subject). Gusto kong i-justify at i-weigh kung ang mga rason na ito.

In short, pinahihirapan ko ang sarili ko. Haha!

OO na. I overanalyze. Masyado akong nag-iisip. At alam ko na pinapagod ko ang sarili ko. :D

Hindi perfect and paga-analyze ko ha. But in the end, I observe na mas nagi-improve and character ko. Humahaba ang pasensya ko. I came to understand the situation fast. Resistance to a certain topic or new ideas/changes became low din dahil sa pagbaba na din ng expectations ko. At dahil dun mas mato-tolerate ko ang lahat ng pagkakamali ng kahit sino :)

Napapatulala na lang ako kapag nasa ganito akong mode. Ang hirap! Haha!
Masarap rin tumunganga at magkaroon ng tulala moments dahil naniniwala ako na ito ang oras na sacred para sa brain hehehe. Ito ang oras na nakakapagrest kahit papaano ang mga brain cells ko na continuously racing sa mga nerve endings ng utak ko para lang mai-interpret ang isang bagay at mga sitwasyones. Haha!

Beyond all the stresses, masaya ako. Because I choose to be happy.

Happiness is a decision. Parang Love lang. Hehe.

Counting the blessings is the best things for me to wake up from the emo mode reality. Kapag feeling ko na inaapi na ako ng mundo at tingin ko ay life is unfair, ito yung best wake-up reality activity na ginagawa ko. Bilangin ang mga bagay na meron ako at natanggap ko kay Lord vs sa wala at hinahangad ko. Magugulat ka sa effect. You'll be peacefully happy.

Sharing an inspirational quote:

I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet. -Anonymous

God is good all the time, friends. He has reasons for giving us trials. We just need to keep the faith.

Hind nya ibibigay ang isang bagay kung hindi natin kaya. :) He knows our limits. And He knows best. And He has the best plans for us set to happen...malay mo next month, next year or malay mo nga naman... bukas? :D

Trust. Trust. Trust.

Believe it will happen.

Be happy. God loves you. God has blessed our lives continuously! :) Tara bilangin natin. :D

June is the Goodbye Month

2010-06-06T23:23:00.003+08:00

It is really hard for me to say goodbye to people I have treasured. But I think what important thing to note here is who are these people I have considered as precious gems. I will treasure them forever.

My cleaning business si Lord sa life ko. People come and go.

June is goodbye month first....because I said goodbye to a very beautiful treasured friend.

Secondly, because I will say goodbye to another friend who made forget the pain I felt with a significant guy in the past. Us did not went well. But I really reallyhope he'll be happy because like me...dumaan din sya sa pain. Gusto ko maging happy sya. :) Hindi naman sya masamang tao.

I'll shut my mouth now. :)

A Blessed Saturday Story.

2010-05-29T17:11:00.006+08:00

Saturday.

For this month lector ako for the 6am mass. Well this is my last for this month. Wala ako sa huwisyo na uma-attend. Pero makailang beses ako ginising ng alarm ko sa phone at sa BB. Natulog ako. Parang yung katawan ko sinasabi matulog pa ako. Pero nung nag-alarm na. Alam ko kailangan ko ng bumangon. I can't miss the mass.

Ang mass ay isang heavenly banquet...isang celebration na isa kami sa pangunahing sponsors. Lector kami so hindi kami pwede mawala. Para na rin nakamiss ka ng paanyaya ng presidente ng US o kaya paanyaya ng isang sikat na Celine Dion sa concert na kumanta sa concert nya. Sa mass, naimbitahan lang naman kami magsalita ng salita ng Diyos....well ng isang Hari lang naman. Si Lord. Di ba. Diyos yun. Hehe. Well, imagine the honor and privilege that we are given. Kaya di talaga pwede umabsent. Unless otherwise may rason siyempre.

Ayun, hindi yun ang kuwento. Something happened to me nung umaga.

Normal ang mass. As usual. The gospel has message to tell. Well hindi nga ako nakapagconcentrate. Something is bothering me. Ang bigat. Feeling ko naipon burden. Sabi ko nga sa tweet, andami ko tanong at mag-uusap kami ni Lord. At feeling ko ito yun. Kailangan ko lang ilabas. Hindi na ako makahinga for days. (Figurative and literal) Nailabas ko na ito sa mga angel friends ko. Pero iba pa rin kapag narelease mo ito thru prayer.

Talking with God is always a wonderful experience esp kapag naririnig mo rin siya.

I was in the adoration room kanina. Hindi pa kasi ako nakuntento sa mass kaya siguro parang hinila ang paa ko sa adoration. Maaga naman natapos si Father sa mass so doon muna ako. Habit na rin kapag maagang natatapos ang Sat mass.

I prayed...well I actually rant to God all my failures and all the sad feeling na nararamdaman ko. I ask for forgiveness for the times na nakalimutan ko sya and for my weakness. For my quiet times forgotten. For procastinating. For such heavy emotions. For not being happy.

God acknowledge. Nakinig siya. Then after that I heard him speak. It was clear. Naririnig ko siya heart ko. Pinaalala nya sa akin ang kanyang big plan sa buhay ko. And during those times in the past that I felt broken but still faithful, unti unti nireveal nya ang plans nya sa buhay ko. I will never be this person ngayon kung hindi dahil kay kanya.

Sinabi nya na magtiwala lang ako. Tinutupad nya ang mga bagay bagay sa takdang panahon. Pero nangyari ang lahat sa tamang pagkakataon. I believe God moves in mysterious ways...touching people, connecting people and bringing his great message in our lives. He said, that He will protect my heart. And he will give my heart to the right person he chooses. He'll make sure of that. Na habang nasa earth ako, I will felt His love....hindi lang directly sa kanya kundi sa taong pinili nya. Sa taong yun ipagkakatiwala nya ang heart ko.

Hearing those words, make me cry. My heart felt God's incredible love. Nakakatunaw. Para akong may knight and shining armor. I really felt secured. At that time, I know lahat ng lungkot ko at burden na dala ng isip at heart ko was released sa kawalan. His love fills me up again. Alam mo yung feeling na na-empty ka. Renewed. Refreshed. Wala na akong maramdaman that time kundi ang umaapaw na happiness at gratitude sa Diyos. Sa Diyos na nagpakita sa akin na sa kabila ng pagkukulang ko sa kanya ay hindi ako iniwan. Never. Not at all.

He lifted me up that morning. It was a fascinating experience. When you hear him talk to you and secure you. Nakakaiyak friends. Sobra. When you God is talking right at your face. His words of protection and love. During that experience, I never felt condemned about the things that I forget to do, my sins and my weaknesses. All I can hear is words of love. Maiiyak ka na lang sa tuwa. Very uplifting experience.

Sabi nya....Be still and know that I am God.

Kapag wala na akong magawang paraan. At dumating yung point na gulung gulo na ako. Yung feeling mo nasa limbo ka at sa maze na hindi ka makalabas. Siya yung nagligtas sa akin. Siya yung nagdirect sa akin kung paano lumabas. He - God the author my life story shown me that everything is possible thru Him.

During that talk. Hindi na ako nagsalita. Just felt his majestic presence. Feeling ko nasa ibang lugar ako. It is a beautiful place I cant describe. Pakiramdam ko wala ako sa mismong adoration. Ayoko mamiss out ang mga sasabihin nya. I remember I occasionally asked questions. Pero konti lang. Kasi tatanungin ko pa lang, parang nasagot na nya.

I dont know kung maniniwala kayo. But the experience was so real to me. And I believe it is. I felt renewed and ok bago pa ako lumabas ng adoration. :)

Hindi bago ang experience na ito sa akin. Well I always talk to him kahit saan actually. Yung kaninang morning kasi ay kakaiba. Meron akong burden for days now that I really cant talk out. Akala ko nga papasanin ko pa ito till next week. Hindi ko na kakayanin. The Lord uplifts me and rescued me. He never fails talaga. Alam nya ang kaya ko lang pasanin. Yung kaya lang dalhin ng heart ko.

Ok na ako. As in I'm back on track. Ako na ulit ito. Hehehe. :)

And I will share with you my happiness guys. Just as the Lord, my Jesus lifted me up. Ngingiti na ako ulit genuinely. At magiging makulit at magiging madaldal. Lols.

I hope this account inspires you today as you read it. This will continuously inspire me forever.

May the Lord be praised. :)

I Never Knew Love

2010-05-27T17:33:00.003+08:00

Here's one of my favorites that I would like to share with you guys. The very lyrics are the words that I would love to sing to the love of my life in the future. Hindi ko man siya kilala today. Hehe. Tara, let's fall in love with the lyrics

Darating na lang yan. Unexpectedly. :)

I Never Knew Love by Lovi Poe.

I open my eyes, only to see
Just how sad this world could be
That I often cry alone… ohh

I look at the sky, longing to see
There’s a chance out there for me
For my heart to be set free

[refrain]
My friends had say that it’s ok
When rainbow’s fade in clouds of gray
But in my heart I know someday
True happiness will come my way

[chorus]
I never knew love till I found you
I’s magic in your smile
Never knew love till I saw you lookin’ in my eyes
And suddenly our sadness disappears
True love has fin’lly shown its smilin’ eyes on me

I’m searching the skies hopin’ to see
If there’s someone out there for me
Who will set my poor heart free

[repeat refrain]

[repeat chorus]

No ones believe that love was just a fairytale
But each time you hold me
Those fairytales come true… on you

[repeat chorus]

Hindi ko man makita ang future basta alam ko lang andyan. He knows better that I am. I really believe that it is all worth the wait. All the pain and scars of the past, soon will vanished. Love love love. <3

On Faith and Silence....

2010-05-21T18:43:00.003+08:00

Less talk... less mistake.

Pero gustung gusto ko ng magsalita. Pramis.

Pero alam mo yun....Hind ko kaya. Lalo na area-ang ito ng buhay ko.

Kahit na gustuhin ko mangyari ang isang bagay. Pero kung alam ko naman na hindi ito siguradong mangyayari, wala akong magagawa. Hanggat wala akong security. Hindi ko ito ma-claim ng bonggang bongga. Inaatake yata akong panghihina ng loob. Gusto ko ng sumuko minsan. Napapagod ako. Noon pa.

But I know there is something in me that keeps me going. It is my faith. Dahil alam ko ang Diyos ko at message ng love nya ay iba ang sinasabi.

Na dapat maging hopeful ako.
Na dapat maging stronger ako.
Na dapat maniwala ako.
Na dapat maging focus ako sa goal.
Na dapat hindi ako mawawalan ng love sa mga taong nakapaligid sa akin.
Na dapat mainlove ako ng paulit ulit.
Na dapat mai-share ko ang faith ko sa iba.
Na dapat hindi mawala ang ngiti ko.
Na dapat magtiwala lang ako.

The Lord keeps pouring his grace on me. Alam nyo ba kung bakit ako single pa hanggang ngayon, because the Lord has never failed to fill in my love tank. Masaya ako at patuloy rin akong nakakapagpasaya ng mga kaibigan at pamilya ko dahil puno ako ng love. (Love love love)

Nagawa kong makuntento sa kung ano ang meron kahit mahirap. Kahit masakit. At kahit minsan eh muka na rin akong tanga. :) Ironic no? Mahirap, masakit at mukhang tanga? Eh bakit ako kuntento di ba? (Haha!)

Because at the end of the day, the Lord never fails to make me SMILE. Maraming bagay at mga events ng buhay ko ang maka-characterize na nagreach out sa akin ang Diyos. He is omnipresent. Andun sya sa lowest at highest point, sa pinakamasaya at pinakamalungkot, sa rebelde days at faithful days. I believe He never left me. Dahil kung iniwan nya ako, wala akong faith at love na meron ako sa knya ngayon. Di ba?

Teka anong point ng article na ito? Haha!

Hindi ko rin alam. Hindi ko rin naman naplano itong article na ito. I can't talk about the other things on my mind. At alam kong si Lord lang ang nakakaalam nun. Kaya I want to focus myself on thinking happy thoughts.

Yun lang ang pwede kong gawin sa ngayon.

Period. :)

Remember David's trust

2010-05-18T18:05:00.002+08:00

I am so troubled right now. Restless. Stressed.

Stressed with so many things in this world. Threat. Worries. Responsibilities. Uncertainties and Sin.

Sobrang bigat ng pakiramdam ko. A lot of thoughts have been running on my head back and forth. Naramdaman ko ang pagod.

I just want someone who will tell everything will be alright. That I dont need to think and be so serious about it. I want my comfort food, my favorite coffee on my table right now. Pero pagud na pagod pa rin ako.

Nalulungkot ako pero I'm keeping the fight still. A friend told me na kaya ko ito...with the grace of the Lord. Pero dumarating lang talaga sa dulo na hindi ko na kaya. Iri-raise ko muna ang white flag.

Pero alam nyo ba what God made me realized today? That I can fight all these things that seem to running as "giants" in my life. And then I read a passage from 1 Samuel 17:33-50. How David shows his trust to our living God.

"The LORD who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine."

⁴⁵ David said to the Philistine, "You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the LORD Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. ⁴⁶ This day the LORD will hand you over to me, and I'll strike you down and cut off your head. Today I will give the carcasses of the Philistine army to the birds of the air and the beasts of the earth, and the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel. ⁴⁷ All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the LORD saves; for the battle is the LORD's, and he will give all of you into our hands."

This trust. I need to remember this David's trust in the Lord. I failed to remember when I'm in the lowest point of my thoughts and concerns.

And the Lord never fails. He pours down his grace upon me like never before. I feel lighter now. Magiging ok na ako. :)

Teka.. God gave us choices...

2010-05-03T23:48:00.007+08:00

I have a lot to say.

But I can't say it. And decide not to rant it out or share it out to the world. For the first time, I managed to just share it to just the closest friends. They know what my mind and heart's struggles are and how I did fight with my immature plans and impulsive thoughts.

Haay. Haay. Haay.

Tungkol saan ba ito? Haha. Secret muna. I can't decide kung hanggang kailan ako ganito. Pero promise magkukuwento din ako. :)

Latest updates kay kangel.

- Double blessings. - SFC service and Lector Schedule sa St Anne. - Matagal akong namahinga sa SFC. Well dahil sa heart issues. (take that figuratively) But I'm ok now. Matagal na. :) Excited na akong maging active again. :) And dun naman sa lector service ko sa aming pinakamamahal na parokya ng St Anne eh kinapalan ko na lang mukha ko at uma-attend na akong meeting. :) So there I have it... a SCHEDULE!! haha. I love being part of the mass celebration. It is really an honor to be used by God as a proclaimer of his word. Felt happy...heavenly happiness. :)

-Opportunities - Madami and growing. Balance sound decision lang kailangan. Di naman kailangan tanggapin ang lahat. Para mapunta rin ito sa iba so by doing that, we are going to bless others.

- Heart - heart pa din. Pero I'm happy right now kung ano yung meron ako ngayon.

Ok need to sign-off. Too sleepy to continue.

Bayeee! :)

Teka...God gave us choices :)

A friend of mine told me that I should learn to live with uncertainties. Dahil kung alam ko na ang lahat ng mangyayari bukas o sa hinaharap, asan ang fun and excitement dun. Our God make that life that way. We are secured already with the good future. Samahan na lang natin ng dasal at faith yan. We need to believe that life would be good. But we don't need to exactly know the details of it. Dahil kung alam mo na...eh di wala na. All is predictable...all is meaningless...You would never felt pain for you to be stronger, you would never met your enemies for the lesson in life they have shared to you. You will never felt alone and decide to ask God's for help if you know kung ano ang next na mangyayari sa buhay mo. Right? So I think ito yung reason. The consequences of these uncertainties make us a better person.

You see life is created that way. Uncertainties lead us to choices. These choices make our life worth living. :)

I believe that happiness can be seen every second if you will just pay attention to it. You will hear the loudest cry of cricket if you decide to listen to it. It is really a matter of choice. Kung saan ka papaimpluwensya...kung saan mo gustong makinig...kung ano ang gusto mong maging desisyon. Having a faith is a choice. Happiness is a choice. Being miserable is a choice. Being fat is a choice. Being beautiful person is a choice. Being you right now is the consequences of your choices in the past.

Remember God allowed you to always have a choice. That's the freedom He gave when He created us humans. Use that choice wisely. It will change you life forever.

Pihikan? For real? (Weh?) - Part 2

2010-04-04T01:48:00.005+08:00

What's the big deal again regarding on this realization? Ewan....Pero di ba? Ano naman ang karapatan kong magmaganda at naging pihikan pa ako ng lagay na ito? Ha?! Haaaaaaa? Kaya hindi ko rin matanggap yung word na pihikan because it doesn't rightfully applies to me. Hindi talaga eh.

Hindi naman ako kagandahan. Tama lang. At hindi ako matalino. Ok lang.

I have just been into sad experiences lang. I personally experienced most of them and heard it from stories' friends. These experiences piled up and made me a person that I am now. Plus plus pa yung golden lecture ng mama at papa ko. Plus plus ung wisdom that was shared by Christian friends in the communities I have been to since college and ngayon...

I don't know if I'm afraid to make mistakes. I can't say that dahil nagtry din ako. Nagkamali din. Nagmukha rin tanga. Life is not perfect for me. I have also been in the dark ages of my life (man hater days ko nung college) baka dun ko nga nakuha ito. Hehe. Theory lang.

So bakit nga ulit PIHIKAN?

You see when you aged (Yes I'm blessed 27 years old), you gain wisdom from the years of experiences and experiences of others na rin. This is the age for me that lessons are learned and applied. Pero siyempre hindi naman bawal ang magcommit ng mistakes from time to time. Tingin ko, yung word na PIHIKAN applies to me dahil I constantly and unconsciously choose people whom I want get near to...to know more well in another level. This criteria doesn't apply to friends. Wala akong criteria dun. Lahat pwede...Kahit sino...kahit ano pa sya....:)

But I'm afraid that no one dares to get to know me more.... you know on that another level that I want. Hindi ko alam. Life is unfair. Or baka may signal din akong sini-send sa kanila kaya sila natatakot. (Monster ba ako? Hehe) This is maybe true.

But on my innocent side of things, I just thought that no one dared. No one tried. (And yes this is sadness.) Because I never meant to make them feel or think that way.

So in short...possible na wala lang talaga. May nagtry pero di nagseryoso. Or they were frightened and no one dared na. Period.

Okay.

Conclusion:

I therefore say na pihikan ako.
- Yes dahil this was the character I am shaped to based from my past experiences and lesson learned from them.
- Yes dahil hindi naman ako nagmamadali.
- Yes dahil wala naman masama dun kung ang pagiging choosy ang magiging isa sa mga crossover decisions ng buhay ko.

Corrections:
- Hindi ako over na pihikan. Dahil wala akong karapatan. Hindi ako kagandahan. (Tama lang. Naman. Haha.)
- Kung yun man ang perception sa akin ng tao dapat ko itong baguhin or bawasan sa paraan nararamdaman at nakikita nila.
- Tingin ko naman, sa sarili kong opinyon, hindi naman talaga ako pihikan. Hindi pa lang talaga dumarating yung makakatapat ko. Hehe. See blog article here.

I rest my case.

Pihikan? For real? (Weh?)

2010-04-02T21:31:00.010+08:00

Nagkita kami ng mga kaibigan ko sa SYKES last March 31, 2010. Gabi. Siyempre after work. Nagkita muna kami ni Emie muna sa megamall tapos naghintay ng taxi sa Podium dahil sa scarcity ng taxi that night. Nakipag-unahan pa kami nun sa isang kasabay namin na guy na naghihintay din ng taxi. Hehe. Buti gentleman. Pinauna na lang kami. Ang sikreto di namin sya nilingon. Hehe. Maraming salamat sa iyo Mr. Stranger. Nakasakay kami at nakaabot sa K-Pointe bldg sa Gilmore ng safe and sound.

Finally after few minutes of waiting, I texted Ate Mye. At habang nagre-review kami ng mga SYKES unforgettable moments, lumabas na sina Makre at siyempre si Ate Mye. With a new face friend nila. I met a new friend. Benj, beautiful like us...you know. lol. At last nakumpleto din ang grupo. We ate sa teriyaki boy c/o ate mye wohooo! Siya ang aming birthday celebrant for the night. Beautiful beautiful. We have kuwento at siyempre mawalawa ba ang kape? Starbucks!!! I love life...well.. I super love coffee lang talaga.

But that's not the whole story yet.

You see whenever I talk with my closest friends we learn from each others chismaks, shared stories and arguments.

Just what I learned again that night. A truth that has been slapped in my face. Maybe I just need to hear it. Straight from the mouth of those people who loved me and laugh at my jokes....

No seriously. I just want to share this.

Ok...

I realized that night na "PIHIKAN" ako. Do you know why it such a big deal? Because I never thought I am. At maraming tao pa ang kailangan mag-comment gently well para itagtag sa akin ang word na PIHIKAN. I wont name them here. Pero paulit ulit ko yun naririnig. Parang nanadya... para magising ako. Para ma-realize ko na sa wakas.

I knew before that I never was. Pero parang gusto ko na maniwala ngayon.

"I admit...PIHIKAN na ako"

Alam nyo ba ang kasabihan na "Acceptance is the first step for healing..." Halaaa. Parang sakit lang ang pagiging pihikan eh no? Haha.

I just need to admit it para lang alam ko. Why? Maybe it can open a door of wisdom for me. That If I am like this person, will I stay to be this person or will I embrace it? Wala lang yung mga ganun tanong. Mahilig lang akong magtanong ng mga crossover questions. Ganito na ako ever since the world began. At sa realizations kung ito, may gagawin akong decision. Soon I will know...

to be continued....

Lenten bits

2010-03-29T21:32:00.005+08:00

Madaming gumugulo sa utak ko ngayon. Hindi ko alam kung dapat kong sabihin. Basta magta-type lang ang kamay ko. Mamaya ko na i-edit ito. Bahala na.

1. Trabaho - Yung "reorg" na nasabi sa akin ng isa kong officemate. Pambihira. Nakakapraning. Parang puzzle na gusto kong hanapan ng sagot. Yoko naaaa. Lord kayo na bahala. Hindi ko alam ang sagot eh :P

2. Spiritual - Well Lenten season does really it's purpose. Alam ko na kailangan bumawi kay Lord. Sobrang dami ko ng hindi ginawa na dapat ay ginawa ko noon pa. Well isusulat ko na lang yung mga gusto kong bawiin. Bawiin meaning bibigyan ko ito ng oras. Ita-tag as HIGH PRIORITY dahil si Lord ang involve dyan. Ito na yung oras na yun. Kailangan kong solusyunan ito. Hindi forever iintindihin ako ni Lord. I know I need to decide for myself. Act on my decision. THIS IS IT. Andami ko ng pinalagpas na oras...ayoko na magpalagpas pa ng oras. Life is short. Kailangan ko talaga bumawi. PERIOD.

Babawi ako sa mga sumusunod:
- Quiet time. I will need to set final time for this. Haay. I hope I may choose a perfect time for this to be followed for the rest of my life.
- Bible reading. Will start Book of Joshua. Thank God I'm moving.
- Will attend monthly meeting for Lector. Been absent for 3 mos in a row.
- To really be "active" in SFC. As in for real na. Walang atrasan.

3. Lovelife - Ah lovelife. Love love love. Nasan ka ba talaga? Lol.

Haay. makatulog na nga. :) Good night.

- "Your will be done on my life."

Love is....

2010-03-15T16:54:00.006+08:00

"Maybe you're just scared, because for once in your life someone actually wants to be with you."
- From the movie A Walk to Remember

love is always patient and kind;

it is never jealous.

love is never boastful or conceited;

it is never rude or selfish,

it does not take offense,

and is not resentful.

love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins,

but delights in the truth.

it is always ready to excuse to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes.

Wala naaa. Nakakaiyak na talaga ito. Love is so simply ideally indulging because of these words from the Bible. This is love as the Lord describes it to be. It's our decision to believe even though the world fails to manifest it...

OK.NAKAKARELATE.AKO. Fine! hahaha. :) I wish there is such kind of love...I wish...

Confession 101: Certified Twitter Addict.

2010-03-13T09:15:00.006+08:00

Ok I can't tweet but I can blog. Sigh! :) (Ang hirap pala talaga ng pinasok...well 2 days left to go!!! I can shout to the world again. I soooooo miss twitter... Confirmed: I am certified twitter addict) I decided to fast tweeting. I decided this is the activity that really consumes my time and one of activities I am addicted to. I just decided to take further step on disciplining myself.

At sa sobrang pagka-addict. Sinulat ko na lang ang mga dapat tweets ko sa blog. Haay. Go!

- Gutom na ako. Offering today's breakfast in replacement of my abstinence dapat last night.
- Fun last night with a dear long lost "pastor" friend of mine. We were reconnected again. Thanks for being generous. I already pray to God to bring back the blessings 10 times. Well I think that's the rule of karma anyway. I miss his super lakas na laughter. Peace hehe. :) Basta.
I missed you pala. And yes sa uulitin. ;) Stay humble and gwapo... Uuuy! Go go go for healthy life. Two years would be long. I can't wait to see you ahem you know. :P hehe. See you soonest Kiko xoxo :)
- Listening to this song again by Sergio Mendez. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako hindi nagsasawa. I claimed this to be my love song for my love life. Someday somehow, it will happen in God's perfect time :)
- Na-observe ko lang bakit ang hilig ng mga boys magtry sa iba't ibang kainan, Observation din sa sarili ko, why do I stick to the same kainan? What's wrong on trying other food places?Conclusion: Wala naman. LOL! It is fun to eat and dine with something new. Challenge and surprises. Loving surprises lately.
- my right shoulders really ache. big time. ouch. :(

My Top 5 (March Reflections '10)

2010-03-09T23:49:00.012+08:00

Just had chismaks with girlfriend Rom last night. Some points were given light to me once again.

1. That we really have a freedom to choose - On choosing the life we want. But do you know what's amazing? Even if we keep on choosing the bad ones, God will turn or make that choice into good. Kahit anu pa yan. Kahit noon pa yan nangyari. Wala lang. ganun lang talaga tayo ka-love ni Lord. :) It is just so sad to hurt God sometimes on choosing the other way around.

2. God knows his sheep. When we get lost and scream to the world how hurt we are, God knows our pain and He lifts us up. He knows exactly who we are because of our hearts. He knows what's in it, whose in it and what garbage we kept inside.

3. Forgiveness is a decision. The moment we decide to forgive, everything - our mind, heart follows. Forgiveness gives you freedom and inner peace.

4. Love will come in the most unexpected way - mysteriously you can never imagined. It may destroy you, build you, and it may be the best and worst feeling ever felt. But you can't insist love. Force love. Love may leave you devastated or on high. But you can't force love to stay if it wants to go. How magically love matches two different or even the same personalities. Love has power of its own. Love removes fear and allow you to live again after the repeated death you had in the past. Love is the total expression of what our Almighty Father feels for us. Unconditional, determined, sacrificial. Love is God. And God is Love.

Love visits our hearts when the right time comes. Especially when God wills it. :) Surely God knows when will our hearts be ready. Because love decides, love commits and love makes happy endings. :)

5. Lessons are really learned whey they are applied in real life problems. You never learn if you keep committing the same mistakes over and over again.

I love the lyrics of the song...Forevermore. It makes me believe in love once again. And there exist this kind of love. Rare, special and simply magic. :)

I just can't believe that you are mine now.

You were just a dream that I once knew
I never thought I would be right for you
I just can't compare you with anything in this world
You're all I need to be here with forevermore

Revelation Day

2010-03-01T09:14:00.006+08:00

Ok I'll start this monday morning with sharing something what happened last week.

I finally manage to attend an assembly sa SFC. I saw him finally at siyempre kinapa ko ang sarili ko kung ok na ako. Nung una siyempre hindi ko sya matingnan. Para akong pasyente na naoperahan sa mata. Ayoko idilat ang mata ko dahil natatakot ako sa malalaman ko. Kung tagumpay ba ang operasyon o hindi. I'm so afraid, na baka ganun pa rin ang pakiramdam ko sa kanya. I'm afraid I would realize I have never moved on...na bulag pa rin ako.

The grace of God helped me that night. He guided me. Nakita ko na sya by then. Pero di ko pa rin sya nilapitan. He seem not to change after months of not seeing him. Childish pa rin ang brod, ex-prospect ko. :)

Hindi ko rin alam pero di ko na rin siya nilapitan. Pero I planned to. Wala na naman kaso kung sino ang mauna. If I will be returning back to SFC, kailangan kong maayos ang relationship ko sa kanya. After all we're brother and sisters in Christ. We became close friends even before pa na magkaroon ako ng special feelings for him. I miss him - aamin na ako. But hep! I realized one thing that night.

That I can never go back. I have given him the chance. Finish line na talaga yun sa amin. If ever na babalik man ang friendship namin, I will be happy to accept it and never looked back sa past. Regalo ko na lang yun sa kanya. I treasured friends as my jewels. I never had a true special someone who cares for me so my full attention was reserved for the people who genuinely trust, love and care for me. :)

I can therefore say....I've moved on. He will always be special pa rin naman. Wala pa naman pinapana si mr. cupid para may makita akong iba. But I have truly forgiven him and myself.

Masarap sa pakiramdam. Now I can truly say I'm ready to go back and serve God again.

Thank you Lord for understanding and for approving my Leave of Absence sa SFC. I know You missed me and miss You too my King. :) I'm ready to rock and roll again! Yiheaaa! :P

*This time you can be sure....* :) :) :)

Flirting 101 and others

2010-02-27T00:10:00.005+08:00

Haaay...stress is me. Pero kung mai-stress tayo...Ma-stress tayo gracefully.

Things may not turn in my way. Pero ganun talaga yun. negastars at meron naman light bearer akong nami-meet everyday. But in the end, I want to see still the positive side of life. After all, I believe I don't live her. I know God wants me to make the best of my choices in life. Staying in darkness should not be long-time option. Nakakaloka yun.

I just want to rant this out. So here.

1. I saw people na nakita ko mula sa baba na tumaas. Then they changed. :( well. something where humility was forgotten...maybe just temporarily lang naman. Kinda sad lang basta.

2. My team...well. they bunch of good high performing people. Ooops. I kid. haha. Ayun, I'm so lucky to have them and see them growing professionally as people which honors trust, responsibility and dedication.

3. I saw in my eyes couple who can't be a couple. Happiness should be not dependent on love. It's a choice. People can be happy if they saw their special someone happy with their choice of their own someone. Maraming isda sa dagat. Bihira yung gusto mong isda. Pero may makikita ka pa rin na halos kasinsarap ng isdang yun. Look for that isda.

4. Ewan ko ba. but if I were given riches or power, gusto ko mawala mga pulubi sa kalsada especially mga bata. Traumatic yun sa kanila. These kids do not belong to streets. They should be home. Pero tingin ko sinabi rin ito ng mga pulitiko, pero wala naman nangyari. Nabulag na yata sila ng power at riches. Parang ayoko nun. I wont be a politician therefore.

5. There is someone bothering me well wait ...2 tao pala ang gumugulo ng mga brain cells ko.
Yung isa, duwag, yung isa naman, testing waters and drama. Ewan ko ba? Hindi ako galit sa mga taong ito. I wonder kung ano ang dahilan kung bakit nila ito ginagawa. Di ko rin kasi alam eh. Affected ako kasi medyo involved akech. Bobo ako sa mga pahiwatig kung meron man. At hindi rin ako marunong nun. Haler kaya nga single pa ako hanggang ngayon. Bagsak ako sa Flirting 101.

GAME! Namiss ko lang sumulat. Namiss ko ang magbroadcast. Sana di kayo nalito. Kasi ako OK lang naman.

Ok wait...

"Pagod ka na ba? Magdamag ka na kasing tumatakbo sa isip ko." :D

Sabi ko baduy, pero kung sa akin sasabihin ito, maniniwala ba kayong matutuwa ako?

Good morning. :)

Lessons in Life 101

2010-02-06T20:14:00.003+08:00

Guys guess what?

What?

Marami akong natutunan sa buhay ko ngayon. I'm learning day by day. At maraming akong mga topic na hindi ko matanggap ngayon na tinatanggap ko na.

Sabado, nasa opisina ako. Workaholic? Hindi...Hindi pa lang dumadating yung sundo ko. Might as well gamitin ang oras para mag-ingay ang mga kamay ko. Gamit ang keyboard...maisisigaw nito ang laman ng isip ko.

Sa pamilya at opisina at maging sa mga kaibigan:

Natutunan ko na ang manahimik kung wala naman akong magandang sasabihin. Natutunan kong tanggapin na ang presensya nila ang nagbibigay kahulugan sa buhay ko. Ang makita sila na walang akong itinatanim na sama ng loob ang mahalaga sa akin sa ngayon. Ang happiness nila ay happiness ko din. Yun ang importante. They may be happy and I am sad. I learned to be happy in my life kapag masaya na rin ang mga taong nasa paligid ko. Gusto kong mahawa ng kasiyahan.
At nakakasawa na maging bitter. di ba?

Sa mga taong inakala kong sobrang mahalaga ako sa buhay nila na hindi naman :D

Salamat at nakilala ko ang mga taong ito. Ang mga taong ito ang nagtuturo sa akin na may mapait na parte ng buhay. Ang pait na ito ang nagpapaalala ng mga daan na tinahak ko para makapunta ako kung saan ako ngayon. Ang mga taong hindi ako sinasadyang saktan na somehow nagbigay sa akin ng mga aral. That life is not really fair. I may fought the battle but not won it. Pero ang importante hindi ako nawalan ng hope. Hope that I will be a better person after this. At yun ang ang magiging weapon at defense ko on my next battle.

Now tell me sobra na bang malalim? Haha!

This article is not advisable public blog readers out there. Hindi nyo yan mage-gets. Pag nagets nyo yan, ibig sabihin kilalang kilala nyo si kangel. :)

Ok back to reality. :)

I'll be Married in Heaven. - my 27th birthday article :) :) :)

2010-01-15T00:11:00.009+08:00

Sige na pagbigyan nyo na ako. Bilang unang post ko sa aking ika-27th year ng lifetime ko sa earth.. Oo eto na. Dali...(Teka lang naman)...Hehe.

Gusto ko lamang sa buhay...

When you really wish for it to happen, i will happen. Samahan mo ng force ng universe at lakas ng prayer mo kay Lord, tingin ko naman ay matutupad ang pinakaasam ng bawat babae na maging pinakamagandang prinsesa sa mata ng kanilang mga prinsipe. Ang araw ng kanilang pinapangarap na panaginip... ang kanilang mga kasal. *hearts*

I have never been sure in my life. I have a confession to make guys...

This 27th year would be my marrying age. But big problem: Wala akong groom.

To self : Malaking problema nga yan.

Flashback

I don't want to remember the hurt, pain and trauma. But that's my past. And that explains ROI I have right now in love. Nalugi ako. Ilang beses ng nalugmok. Bumangon...bumagsak ulit. At bumangon....

Pero my character grew more to become the better person I am right now. Better nga ba? (hehe pwede nyong sabihin sa akin yan...right into my face. pakicorrect na lang ako...nicely. :P )

Well that's all for now. :) Let's not kill the happy mood ng article na ito. :P

Altenative Plan

Sa totoo lang, gusto kong makasal sa taong ito. Pero time and reality check - hindi pa pwede. Dahil firstly, wala pa akong boyfriend, 2nd, wala akong romantic na dini-date kaya hindi ko alam kung meron nga akong prospect, and third according sa mga friends eh nakakaintimidate na raw ako. Actually mas malungkot yung third reason dahil they these romantic opportunities fail agad on an early stage. They easily surrender. Meant or not meant talaga. Yun na lang iniisip ko.

Kaya imposible na akong ikasal ngayon. Di ba? (Agree....)

Siguro kung hindi man ako ikasal sa year ito, i-entertain ko ang idea na baka gusto nga ko ni Bro na mag-take ng another path on which I will be blessed. Ok lang naman yun sa akin. On my 27th year, I promise na i-enjoy ko ang year na ito. I will let myself be open freely. But after this year, I will open myself to the idea na maybe the 2nd path would be a better option. Why? Hindi naman ibibigay sa akin ni Lord yun kung hindi ko kaya. God has blessed me so much, ngayon pa ba ako magkakaroon ng doubt sa kanya?

But God knows my heart's desire naman. Hindi naman sa binibigyan ko si Lord ng deadline. Hehehe. Pero siguro para yun sa sarili ko na rin di ba? To emotionally prepare myself. But this year....gora lang. steady...chill... enjoy...i will let myself feel na babae pala ako. hahaha! :)

And I think this 27th year would be an interesting journey of faith and discovery. Let's see. :) (*Lord alalay lang ha.... :D *)

My 27th birthday wishlist.

- a bag
- a nice pink/blue shirt/blouse - M (LOL)
- pink flowers
- car air freshener (for prince).
- white sandals
- care bears (tender heart)
- Chipmunk stuff toy- Theodore (based from the movie Alvin and the Chipmunks)
- Bugs Bunny stuff toy.
- something memorable (a card, an important something you wanted to share with me or give it to me.)
- something that you think i need.
- something that can make me smile.
- continous wisdom, peace,grace and faith. :)

Acknowledgements

I'll never get tired of saying thanks to people who made my day before during the week and soon after my birthday.

- for Edon - who gave the first gift on my bday.
- for Ian. Tenkyu. tenkyu.
- for SEO team/Marketing International for never getting tired of dinner plans sponsored by anyone from our group. Kaloka. walang natuloy. hahaha!
- for Bossing's happy birthday song
- for my team
- for my family
- for my SYKES friends, SEER, ePac peeps, Vetmed dormates, CMSC 2000 peeps, WBNHS classmates, TLC at marami pang iba. xoxo

- to Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior. For giving me the wonderful gift forever this year. - PRINCE. <3 <3 <3

Sa lahat - *WARM HUG* thanks ha! :)

Happy 27th birthday kangel! :) :) :)

Rumblings

2010-01-08T13:47:00.002+08:00

Been working late this week. Got heard of the bad news na hindi ko alam kung talagang bad. Haay.

Ewan.

Random thoughts 101

2010-01-04T00:12:00.001+08:00

The truth of the matter is...

- It was just a heavy burden for me na magkaroon ng sama ng loob sa ibang tao.
- Medyo matagal ako magtampo. First few days ang heights ng emotion ko. Warning: hindi ako pwedeng makausap. dahil hindi ako matino.
- Kapag nagtatampo ako, I'm usually quiet.
- I cry kapag di ko na kaya. As a sign of release din. At kapag sobrang inis or awa sa sarili.
- I seek resolution after. Kapag ok na ako. Hindi ko kaya ang matagalan tampo.
- I usually do the first move on asking for forgiveness. Hindi ko nga kasi kaya yung matagalan. It's a burden.

Right now, I'm feeling tampo pa rin sa isang tao. Pero...I did the first move. Si Lord kasi...ang lakas sa akin. Nagpromise rin ako to listen to Him. Babawi ako this year sa kanya.

God bless me this week. :)

Happy 2010 and my so called " new year's resolutions"!

2010-01-01T23:48:00.005+08:00

Hehe. Taon-taon na ito. I'll just them write down...

Nagcheck pala ako ng previous blog ko to review ang mga resolutions ko last year? Guess what? Wala pala akong resolution. Odd. Anyways. Hahahaha! Nakalimutan ko. Kaya pala wala akong direksyon last year. LOL!

OK. Start na tayo. :)

My so called "New Year's Resolution"

Baliktarin natin....baka kapag di ako nagseryoso eh maging totoo naman ang naisulat ko. hehehe. Let's see. Pinilit ko itong maging 10 for the sake of year 2010. Sana magkatotoo. :) :) :)

1. Gusto ko pa rin magpataba ng tama. Payat pa rin kasi ako. Kakain ako ng kakain hanggang sa maging ok na ang katawan ko. Hehe.
2. Gusto ko madagdagan ang tiwala ko sa mga tao. Ewan ko ba...hindi kasi ako basta basta nagpapaniwala sa mga tao. Masama yata yun eh. Para kasi they need to prove themselves pa to me na hindi naman tlaga kailangan no.
3. Gusto ko ng matapos ang Bible. Haay ilang taon ko ng new year's resolution ito. Anu beeeh. :) Sana kahit makalahati ko this year. I need a plan. Lord I need help.
4.Gusto kong mabawasan ang pride ko this year. Ewan ko ba. Kung nakakain lang ito....Nai-share ko na sa inyo. Haay.
5. Gusto ko mag-dress. (Uuuuyy!) Gusto ko lang magtry. Anu beh. :)
6. Gusto ko maging organized. Kailangan ko maging organized!. Ang gulo ko. Parang di ako babae. Hahaha. Simula sa closet, abubot at notes. Patok. Bongga. Winner.
7. ~~Gusto ko pang magbasa ng marami pang books. Pero teka kailangan kong matapos muna ang mga books ko sa bahay. Mwehehe.~~ Gusto kong mag-save ulit. May malaki akong gastos at the start of the year. And this saving will be for good. :)
8. Sana maging malapit or sweet na rin ako ulit sa mga boys. I should like them. Wala naman silang gagawin sa akin na masama. Sana magkaroon ako ulit ng bagong bestfriend na guy. Wala lang. Maiba lang... Baka lang makatulong sya maiba naman ang perspective ko.
9. Bibiyahe ako more this year. Domestic and International. YES!
10. Magiging active ako ulit sa SFC. :)

So helped me God. :)

Happy blessed 2010 friends! :)

Another Christmas Blog Entry

2010-01-01T16:28:00.005+08:00

Wala pa rin ako sa mood magsulat. Pero I know kailangan kong simulan ang bagay para sa 2010 na maayos.

(Karen sige na kaya mo yan...tapusin mo itong blog entry na ito. hehehe)

"Christmas is different"

I spent Christmas different this year. But I can still can count it as memorable one. I spent my first Christmas in US Autoparts (USAP), been in a hip-hop dance contest...won third place, wore first time dresses/clothes, spend like crazy on shopping clothes and I spend Christmas with my Dev team here in USAP as well as 5th floor peeps. I meet a lot people sobra! Naiba ng konti sa usual Christmas ko every year. Pero marami rin akong namiss.

SFC - I miss my SFC family. I have been inactive for months now. Because I've been trying to be active din sa SFC dito sa Taguig. But sadly...I miss them sobra. The GK kids SIBOL. My weekend household, my sisses and brothers at assemblies ang lahat! :) Sila ang nawala sa usual Christmas year ko. Namiss ko sila ng sobra sobra sobra sobra. I've been thinking of returning back. But I'm still praying for it. Sabi nga ng brother kong si Benjie, kung babalik ako...dapat yung sigurado na at complete na yung desisyon ko. Wala ng bawian. :)

Mama - Wala si mama nung Christmas. Andaming dumating na bisita sa amin. Imagine nyo na lang kung paano namin sila na-accomodate? Hahaha. First time siguro in long years na wala si mama sa Pasko. Medyo stressful ang Christmas dahi pero nairaos naman. Thank you Bro. :) Andaming namasko. Andami dami. Haay. Goodbye 13th month. Hahaha.

I've been sad and happy all at the same this Christmas. Halu-halo. Kakaibang pakiramdam.

Feeling ko nawala ako sa isa mga source ng light simula ng humiwalay ako sa SFC. Though I still have the service as lector/commentator sa church namin, I really miss the fellowship. Yung mga taong nagdadasal para sa iyo. Yung mga taong isa mga pinagkukunan mo ng strength mo when you're really weak.

I can still depend on my friends naman. Pero iba talaga ang SFC brod and SFC sis. When they pray for you, as if you feel na meron representation si Lord sa iyo. Napi-feel kong malapit sa akin and Diyos as if God is talking to me thru them. I just miss that talk, that spiritual conversation.

Ang SFC ang taga-ubos ng oras ng aking single life. Hehehe. Inuubos nila meaningfully and I'm happy doing all the things as a service for God. May mga bagay lang talaga na hindi magandang nangyari. At alam yun ng mga malalapit kong sisses. Ayoko na rin pag-usapan pa dito. (As a sign of respect na rin sa taong involved.) Status: Closed na ito. Parties Forgiven. Nasa healing process pa rin ako. :P

I just miss these bunch of spiritual warriors. They are my light. I just felt that without them, my faith stops growing. :(

Backgrounder: I graduated CLP at November 2006. 4 years na pala akong SFC.

Any regrets?
I have siyempre. Pero minsan parang tingin ko sinadya na rin ni Lord ang mga series of events for me to accept the things. Masyado kasi hopeful eh. Assuming. hahaha. Pero yun. I know God brought those for me to come up in one decision to another. Destiny? Naah. Maybe yes...Maybe no. I just call it FAITH na lang. Alam ko ang director/author ng buhay ko. Why would he go wrong di ba? :P God wants me to learn the lesson. Lesson is not learned easy naman. Marami akong luha at sama ng loob na nailabas noon. Halos magalit na rin ako sa mundo at mawalan ng tiwala sa mga tao. But God delivered me from there. He never fails to rescue me. :) :) :)

Christmas gifts?
I received a lot from friends. Pero wala akong gift kay Lord. :( Well history records naman wala pa akong natupad. Pero sad kasi wala kasi akong naihanda. Babawi ako next year. :P Hindi na ako magpapa-pramis. Gagawin ko na lang. :) Tutuparin ko na lang. *Lord please help me prepare... :D*

Just to narrate everything...Heto ang mga Christmas events schedule ko... so happy, pagod and super glad. :) :)

Last Week November - Dec 11,2009 - UBER Practice ng Hiphop dance.
Dec 12, 2009 - USAP Christmas Party at SMX
Dec 17,2009 - Marketing Dev Team Christmas Party @ Pelangui
Dec, 2009 - Brazil Brazil Marketing Managers Christmas Lunch
Dec 18,2009 - 5th Floor Christmas Party
Dec 19,2009 - 56th Street Christmas Party at Antipolo resort.

Super close schedule no? Puyat at pagod ako ng mga panahong iyan. Halos nabugbog din ang katawan ko kakapractice. Pero super saya naman dahil for the first time eh nairaos ko ang HIPHOP dance lang naman. Lol!

I was still part of the simbang gabi schedule as a lector. Imagine-in nyo na lang talaga kung paano ako nabuhay pa? Haha. But sadly, I can only take so much..hindi ko nakumpleto ang simbang gabi. I don't have a wish to beg for to happen. But I still prayed for it. :)

Ano pa ba? Ibang article na ang new year ko and my so called resolutions. Hahaha. :)

It was a Christmas I won't forget. Dahil sa mga bagong experiences na bongga, mga sad feelings ko about missing my another family. I hope next Christmas di ko na ito maramdaman esp the sad feelings. And siguro I would change and free up schedule. Nakamamatay kasi talaga ang schedule na ginawa ko. (ay nila pala. hahaha)

Everybody has his/her own Christmas story to tell. Pero alam ko hindi lang naman ako nakaramdam nito. Gusto ko pa rin magpasalamat sa lahat. Counting the blessings, hindi pa rin tayo pinabayaan ni Bro. He keeps on blessing us in little ways. And hey...it's his birthday...kaya dapat mas grateful tayo sa day na isinilang sya. He was born to save us. Kahit yun na lang, habambuhay na natin ipagpasalamat sa Kanya. :)

Happy birthday Jesus :)

Kamusta?

2009-12-08T17:29:00.002+08:00

Ok na ako ngayon. :)

Hindi andun pa din ang inis. Siguro para mawala ito. kailangan ko lang ang sabihin ang totoong naramdaman ko.

I need to talk to the parties involved.

Devalued

2009-12-07T17:32:00.002+08:00

naiinis ako. Naiinis ako. naiinis ako. naiinis ako..naiinis ako...naiinis ako...naiinis ako. naiinis ako..naiinis ako...naiinis ako.. naiinis ako.. naiinis ako. naiinis ako...naiinis ako. naiinis ako. naiinis ako...naiinis ako..naiinis ako...naiinis ako...naiinis ako.

Ewan ko ba...Pinapa-high blood ako ng mga batang ito. Lalo na sa dalawang yun. Badtrip na talaga ako. Sobra. Hinga. Hinga. Hinga. Hinga.

Minsan naiisip ko kung bakit ba ako naiinis. Siguro dahil sa binalewala na naman ako. At feeling ko na-left out ako. Kahit naman sino...ayaw ng ganun feeling. Na maleft out ka. Humabol ka naman eh. Kaso dahil sa mga di maipaliwanag na kadahilanan...siguro hindi lang nakatakdang mangyari.

Yeah kasalanan ko na nalowbat ako. Ang tanga ko kasi nagdala ako ng phone na palowbat na.

Alam ko di sinadya. Or kung sinadya that's worst. I don't want to think about it. Naiinis lang ako. Hindi matanggal. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. Ayoko ng kausap. Sasabog ako. Pakshet.

Hindi na ako nakapag-lunch dahil sa inis ko. Sa sobrang negativity ko ngayong araw na ito, ang lahat ng mga parte ng katawan ko sumasakit na. Ang power nga naman ng thoughts and negative emotions. Alam ko sya. Na-acknowledge ko sya.

I just hate that I that they let me feel that I am not important. Mahalaga sa akin oras ko. Pero kung di nila kayang i-value yun....yun and hindi ko makayanan. Hindi ko kayang tiisin. Kaya ko ang magtiis at i-accept ang iba't ibang values ng mga tao. Pero di ko rin alam kung bakit hindi ko ito kinaya. Sumabog ako sa inis. At hanggang ngayon hindi ko alam kung bakit naiinis pa rin ako.

Kailangan ko lang magpalipas. I just can't accept sorry now. Sobrang taas ng emosyon ko. Sobrang taas ng feeling ng inis na ito. At hindi ko kayang tumanggap ng katwiran. I just felt devalued.

I know hindi nila intention yun. And I want to believe it. Kahit iba pa ang naiisip ko.

Wala lang. gusto ko lang ilabas ang lahat ng ito. Dito ko lang naman ito pwedend i-rant.

Bye.

Shared Thoughts.

2009-11-30T00:20:00.002+08:00

I don't want to nag here. But when I see things going right again esp in my friends' relationships, I am starting to feel better and light. Siguro iniisip ko...hindi ko man maayos na maging "romantic" ang story ko...Sa iba pwede ko magawa yun. Makakangiti ako dahil may happy ending ang iba. Para sa akin hindi naman yun pagiging bitter...that's being fair to the world. At least these friends I'm talking gave me this piece of happiness that I haven't felt yet and hoped for...well until now.

But sometimes I know na minsan OA na ako sa reaction. I mean hindi naman ako dapat masyadong nakikialam pero ginagawa ko pa din. Kung makikilala nyo ako nung college...mas grabe ako noon, meron lang akong feeling na kailangan kong ayusin "sila"...esp kapag malapit tlaga silang dalawa sa heart ko. Sometimes I won...and most of the times I fail. Naghihiwalay sila...They are not friends anymore but the ex-couple are still my good friends.

In short, marami akong ganun friends. :) Hehe. I have seen how both the guy and the girl undergo the same painful, confusing process. Mag-imagine na lang kayo na ako ang mediator. Nakakakuha nga ako ng happiness from them...they also have a way of draining me and leaving me lifeless. Plus pa dun mga lessons they learned from those painful events. I learned them din..Package yata yun na nakukuha mo sa patok na product na "Friendship"? hehe.

Why am writing this?

I have this friend who likes another guy. Eh committed na ito. From this point in time, I saw things...It is unfair..it is confusing...But I decided na hindi makialam sa dalawa kong kaibigan ito (the guy and girl) I value relationships but I also value my friend's privacy. Hindi na ako pwedeng makialam ngayon. Not now...

Pero aaminin ko na meron pa rin times na I am tempted...Haay. Pero...Control rin lang. Mahal ko naman sila pareho. Sana in time, and in God's time marealize din ng kaibigan ko ang mga bagay bagay.

Tama na nga ito...Gusto ko lang maglabas ng laman ng isip ko. :)

Good morning :)

Stress and Grace

2009-11-19T00:23:00.003+08:00

Haay. Kanina stress na stress talaga ako. Sobrang dami ng iniisip ko. Pero do you know kung ano talaga ang reason ng pagi-inarte ko te? Haay. Marami akong gustong sabihin na di ko masabi. Yun yun.

Office Story... Walang kakuwenta-kuwenta pag tungkol sa opisina ang isusulat ko sa article na ito. Basta kanina nagsabay sabay lang. Di ko nga alam kung PMS ito o ewan. Basta kanina, ayoko kumausap ng tao. Naiinis ako. Yun. Basta ang hirap.

Marami akong kailangan pagdesisyunan this week at kailangan kong kumausap ng mga tao. Mahirap pala maging manager, isang napakabigat na responsibility pala talaga ang mapunta sa posisyon ito. Ngayon lang week na ito, kailangan ko i-compose ang thoughts ko, alisin ang emosyon at magdadasal ako to come up with right decision. I need to say the words they need to hear. Ako at tanging ako lang ang makakapagsabi nun sa kanila. Mahirap yun gawin sa parte ko. But they need to hear it. Nalilito pa rin ako actually. Pero...ok. I need to do it.

(Kung nalilito na kayo sa article na ito, pwede na kayong tumigil at kalimutan ang blog na ito forever. Kidding....)

Update: Nasabi ko ang mga gusto kong sabihin. And hopefully and I think they understand. :) I'm happy and at peace now. Balik sa dati. After all it is all work. At the end of the day...work ends and still friendship remains. Yun ang importante sa akin. Relationships. I value them.

Thank God. Dahil alam ko answered prayer ulit yun. :) We all learned from both mistakes. Super super super thanks. :)

Oh work na.

Love, when will you find me?

2009-11-17T23:48:00.004+08:00

Where will I find you?

Ok please stop reading kung ayaw nyo ng marinig at mabasa ang mga susunod na sasabihin ko.
Babala: Parang maze at hindi nyo ito maiintindihan. Dahil wala naman tlaga akong balak ipa-intindi ito sa inyo. Hehe. :)

Ok simula na.

Everytime I look into some of my couple friends, natutuwa at kinikilig ako sa kanila. Sometimes, I envy them, they have that love story that I want. Minsan pa nga habang tinitingnan ko sila, kinakausap ko ang Diyos, "Lord make me count the blessings that I have right now." Ayoko pangunahan ng inggit at lungkot ang heart ko. Sawa na ako dun...Maiba naman...Haha. Gusto ko lang maging masaya at maging positive pa din. Ito lang ang meron ako. Kung malulungkot pa ako, ano na ang mangyayari sa akin.

In short, natanggap ko na hindi ko naman kayang madaliin ang mga bagay bagay. Ang love di daw yan hinihintay...dumadating lang. Namaannn. Ang tagal naman dumating? Saan probinsiya ba sya nanggaling? Nakaka-frustrate maghintay. Alam nyo naman lahat yan. At pasensya naman.

Wala lang nakakainggit lang talaga. Tao lang ako no. Minsan pinagdarasal ko, bigyan mo naman ako ng maganda love story Lord. Kahit isa lang. Yung maalala ko forever. Well I have a lot of love stories naman. Meaning they are all painful, happy naman start...yung gitna...siyempre kilig. Pero yung climax yun sobrang traumatic...meaning most of my stories ay sad ang ending. Wala pa akong happy ending na makukuwento sa inyo. Yun lang.

Gusto ko lang mag-rant. Ito naman ang silbi ng space na ito right? Hehe. Tanggap ko na naman ang lahat. Minsan gusto ko isipin na gusto ako ni Lord mag-madre, maybe dun ko makikita ang love story na gusto ko. I can't find it kasi ngayon. Or am I just being so impatient?

Pero alam ni Lord, na siyempre eh gusto ko pa rin maging mommy at magkapamilya. My greatest dream ngayon. Pero how on earth na mangyayari yun? Eh halos lahat ng guys eh naiilang na lumapit sa akin pag sinasabi ko ang trabaho ko. This job is a blessing para sa akin at ayaw kong isipin na dahil dito ay hindi nila ako malalapitan. Iniisip ko na lang hindi ganun katindi ang pagnanais nila makilala ako. Eh anong gusto nilang sabihin ko, janitress ako. Pambihira talaga ang ego ng lalaki. Wala akong masabi. Hihi.

Anyways, balik tayo sa parating payo ng mga kaibigan ko. "Ang love hindi yan hinahanap....dumadating yan." Sana mahintay ko pa nga ang love na ito. Hehe. Alam ni Lord kung gaano ako naghintay, nagtiyaga, sumugal...Tanggap ko na naman ang lahat ng posibleng mangyari sa akin. I trust him my life now. Hindi ko na alam ang mangyayari sa akin pero bahala na sa akin si Bro. :) Kailangan ko lang i-live ang life ko one day at a time. Nariyan talaga ung mga inggit paminsan-minsan (pasensya na). Doon naman talaga nasusukat kong contented ka eh. Alam ni Lord, I want the other kind of life. And I know, tinitest nya ako kung hanggang saan ang kaya ko ipagkatiwala sa kanya. Sana I would survive the test.

Kuntento na naman ako ngayon. Actually, hindi ko pa rin kasi kayang isipin na meron iba ako na i-entertain. Medyo nagpapagaling ako eh. Kagagaling ko lang kasing war. I still have a lot of open wounds that only time, space and right meds can heal. At siyempre, I wish ma-heal din yung emotional trauma ko. Yun kasi talaga yung pinakamahirap matanggal sa akin. I really hope it will heal fast.

Pero open naman ako. Pero ewan ko ba, mas mahirap yata ngayon. Hindi kasi ako ordinaryong babae. May superpowers ako. Haha. Malakas ako mang-asar at hindi ako nagpapatalo. I'm overworked, I'm not so mahinhin. First impression pa sa akin...mataray ako...dahil siguro sa facial features ko. Wahaha. Ngayon na nga lang medyo naayos ang mukha ko. Kung nakita nyo ako before...baka di nyo ako makilala. Distorted kasi ang mukha ko noon.

Haay...bumalik tayo sa love. Ibang story ang dahilan ng distortion ng mukha ko.

Isang kakaiba at may superpowers din na lalaki ang pwedeng makatalo sa akin. Yung makakatiis sa akin at makakatanggap sa akin. Yung magsisipag na kikilalanin ako. Yung magpaparamdam na ako (well kahit hindi totoo...ahahha) ang pinakamaganda sa paningin nya. Siya ang kukumpleto sa storya ko. At sa happy ending ng lovestory ko sa wakas. Siya yung taong bulag na nakakakita ng love ko sa kabila ng lahat ng pinapakita kong pangit sa kanya. Siya yung kaibigan ko muna bago ang lahat. Siya yung taong mai-inlove sa akin talaga ng bonggang bongga!

Ang tagal ko na syang hinihintay.

Love, when will you find me?

Lesson learned: FORGIVENESS and benefits :)

2009-11-11T22:49:00.007+08:00

I decided to forgive. And I'm positive that I will forget soon after.

Kamusta?

Well I believe that God send people to talk to me. To clarify things with me...ever since I have this hatred. Alam ng Diyos na naging bingi ako lately these days because of the heights of emotions I have. I'm open for forgiveness but I'm not ready to decide it yet. I did feel the pain and live with it for weeks. Hindi nga lang halata sa akin. Because hindi ko naman ito sinasama o mini-mix sa trabaho o sa pakikisama ko sa mga friends ko. Just a few friends know the real reason why I am hurt, how and when did it happen. Sila lang yung nakaalam. At kahit sila nung una hindi ko pinakikinggan. All their advice just came in and out of my ears. Wala lang...sa sarili ko, alam ko na ito. I know they will tell that to me. Nagpayo sila sa akin. I would like to feel the healing that is brought by their words. Pero strange lang, mabigat pa rin ang pakiramdam ko after I talked to them. Parang may nakabara. Hindi makapasok ung mga words of concern, strength and wisdom. Something is blocking those wonderful words to enter my heart. Ano yun?

Forgiveness is a decision.

Ako naman ang magsasabi nito. I am really blessed to have a friend like Romela de Leon. The Lord knows who to tap in the era of dark age of my life. Hehe. Salamat sis. :)

He shared this link in facebook -> "The only thing that can heal your wounds by Bo Sanchez". After I read the article, parang my wax na nararamdaman kong unti-unting natutunaw sa akin. Just like a candle, someone light me up again and remind me again of who really am I. In God's eyes most especially.

I realized..

- That I kept on pressing the rewind button.
- I should forgive to free myself!
- Forgiveness blesses my life and others.
- After feeling the anger, act...decide to forgive.
- But....

Forgiveness isn’t necessarily bringing back the relationship to where it was before.

At ito lang article na ito ang kailangan para magising ako. Thank you Lord for speaking to me...thru my friend Rom, thru this article from one of most admired authors - Bo Sanchez :).

A Message to God..

Thank you Lord for not letting me go and for not giving up on me. Thank you for not allowing me to feel hatred and revenge and for opening my heart to forgiveness for too long. Muntik ko ng makalimutan kung sino at ano ako sa paningin mo. I am your precious daughter.

Salamat God sa lahat ng pag-intindi sa akin. Sorry for the times, I miss the meaning of the some of hurtful events in my life because of emotion. I forgot how big you are in my life. Basta thank you. Sobra. It seems like I lost again...no? Pero nakalimutan ko na you we just there, guiding me...and you never fail Lord. Basta, lead me to your will, whatever it is, ok na po ako. Thank you. Thank you.

Thanks Lord :) The best ka talaga! :)

I know you are smiling. And I miss that Lord. :) Nagising na ako. Thank you for blessing my life.

P.S. What about the benefits? Muntik ko ng makalimutan...Read. - the whole article says it all. :) And yes...this lesson on forgiveness made me a better person. :)

Light and Darkness

2009-11-09T10:47:00.003+08:00

Inatake ako ng asthma today. Very unusual ito... dahil ngayon lang ito nagtagal ng ganito. Hindi ko alam pero dahil siguro sa pakiramdam ko at nagawa ko lately. Sad.....I just think it is one way of wake up call for me galing syempre kay Bro. pero hayun I was literally waken up by this attack. Hindi kasi ako makahinga. Hehe.

Sorry Lord.

Kung baga sa weather, para akong nababalutan pa ngayon ng dark clouds ready to burst out rain. Pero deep in my heart kahit na ganito ang naiisip ko, si Lord siyempre makulit. He continously gives me wisdom. Alam ko mali ang lahat sa ngayon ng kinikilos at iniisip ko...pero I still believe that there is still light well nakatago lang sa mga dark clouds na yun. Maybe after the rain, mai-empty din ang clouds na yan and that's the time light will start to shine on me again. It never stopped shining naman eh. That's what I believe. Yun lang, ayoko man irason ang reason na tao lang ako...Yes...I'm only human... I make mistakes. But I know it should not be the reason para gumawa ng mistakes right? And for that alam ni Lord na I am greatly sorry.

Looking forward..

I hope time and distance could heal me. I hope in his amazing grace he will completely heal me. Looking forward pa din,I know someday tatawanan ko na lang ang lahat ng nangyari. :)

I know and I believe na hindi ito binigay sa akin ng Diyos kung hindi ko ito makakayanan. Yes I am jaded today...but it wont last I promise. Dahil alam ko..."If Christ is with me...who can be against me?"

Isang galit na mensahe

2009-11-06T19:02:00.003+08:00

Sa taong yun na mahirap umintindi. Duwag at pipi, maging masaya ka sana sa desisyon mong manahimik habambuhay.

Sana may kunsensya ka pa? Ang kapal mong humarap sa akin. Isa kang malaking boooo! Wala kang balls. Wala ka! Isa kang walang kuwenta.

Hinihiling ko pa rin na pagalingin ako ng panahon at distansya ko ngayon sa iyo. Pero sa susunod na magkikita tayo....humanda ka talaga sa akin. Humanda ka talaga. Wag ka na magpapakita sa akin kahit kailan. Kahit kailan.

I miss my blog!

2009-11-05T18:17:00.002+08:00

I miss you! I miss you!!! I miss my BLOG!

I miss kangelsconfessions.blogspot.com.

I promise I'm gonna post my latest updates soon.

Mwah!

The Secret...

2009-07-06T14:18:00.002+08:00

Gusto ko ng maniwala sa documented film na The Secret. Dahil halos lahat ng nasusulat ko, it is all happening. Not all. But most of them. And since mas positive ako kaysa negative, all positive things happened to me.

Hehe. To continue the article..heto na.

Somehow I miss the the flat organization. Why? Lahat kasi ng request sa isang tao mo lang sinasabi and in a matter of hours, malalaman ko na results. Or executed agad. Haha. Hindi mahigpit. Minsan kahit verbal request lang, oks na.

When I'm in flat organization, I miss the systematized process. Haha ang gulo ko no. Somehow, in the middle of adjustment period. Accepting the process again. After all, wala naman perfect. I came to accept it noon pa.

So therefore, naga-adjust pa tlaga ako.

USAP people are nice. Siyempre marami pa rin akong hindi nakakabond sa kanila. I' m usually quiet these past few days dahil na rin paga-adjust tlaga or dahil kinikilalala ko pa sila. At ganun din sila sa akin. Pero siguro in time...hehehee. malalaman din nila kung gaano ako kadaldal...hahahaha!

What I'm missing really are my colleagues sa SEER na super close ko. Idee, Ruel and Ging. Isama ko na si Rolly (baka magtampo pa) sa mga namimiss ko din. He presently works in SG. Ayun....I am missing our lunch breaks, merienda breaks at ang mga Starbucks coffee dates. hehehe. Haaay...sana may maka-coffee bonding din ako dyan sa USAP. hehehe.

FYI. Kofiholic ako. :)

At sana matuloy ang paglipat namin sa Cybergate 3 or sa The Fort. hehehe. Pls.

Dito na muna. Tinatamad akong pumunta ng SEER. ano baaaa. haay.

Kangel Changes... : )

2009-06-13T14:47:00.003+08:00

I've been reading blog post lately from a very dear friend of mine. Her realizations in life made me think my own realizations too. I forget to list down my realizations lately. Sobrang busy kasi at sobrang daming nangyari.

To update you guys, I am now joining a new company. Malungkot at masaya ako at the same time. Why? Malungkot ako dahil biglaan ang lahat plus ung mga maiiwan kong mga kaibigan. I have been very close to them na. Masaya ako kasi isang bagong area where I will learn a lot especially in management which is my dream. I'm happy that God has given this break. :) I'm so overwhelmed positively and negatively. But I made this decision throughly. Pinag-isipan ko talaga ito. Wherever he wants me to be...Pupunta ako dun. I made a lot of choices in my life
lately at hindi ko naman tlaga pinagsisihan ang lahat. Continous learning sa akin ang bawat chapter ng libro ng life ko. I will admit that I do have some regrets...pero mas marami kasi ung blessings, ung learning, at friends na nakikilala ko along the way. And I think these are the most important to think. That somehow along the way, these friends made a difference in my life. At ganun din ako sa kanila. I have served my purpose. And now...I am really ready to go. :)

Sinabi ko noon na dalawang bagay lang ang makakapagpa-stay sa akin sa isang company.
1. The boss should trust me that I can do my job.
2. I learn continously in my workplace thru people. (Pwede din dahil sa mga kasamahan ko kung bakit ako nakakapag-stay na happy ako na kasama sila. And we share what we know. Hindi lang office stuff but I value personal information as well.)

Naging mahirap sa akin ang pagde-decide kasi....naibigay naman nila ang mga bagay na yun sa akin. But I decided to go because of a career move. Gusto kong mag-grow sa craft ko. At kung ano ang alam kung gawin. To lead and learn more. Maybe I just feel like that need. Noon ko pa yun nararamdaman. I waited and someday wish for it. Hindi naman ako naiinip eh. Yun nga lang may dumating. Yun pa yung hindi ko inaasahan.

Weighing pros and cons...I decided to go. :)

to be continued (2)

Bahala na...kangel

2009-04-02T11:14:00.002+08:00

Haay...blogging again. Ngayon lang nakalibre. Promise ko pag nagsimula na akong magwork tuloy-tuloy na naman yun. Kaya...heto na talaga ang pagkakataon ko.

What I have been doing lately?

Isa lang naman. TRABAHO. Pero may mga bagay akong nararamdaman lately sa trabaho ko na siyempre di ko naman pwedeng ibroadcast sa madlang blogosphere. Halos lahat yata ng kakilala ko eh pwedeng makapagbasa neto. Kaya dapat filtered. Hehe. Okay pipilitin ko.

Sometimes, I feel like I wasn't given the opportunity pero minsan I feel like I am not working at my 100%...minsan naman parang nagtatrabaho ako ng sobra na pagud na pagod na ako. Minsan di ko na alam ang gusto kong maramdaman at isipin. Naggo-go with the flow na lang ako.

Kahapon nasa client kami sa SSS. Nakakita ako dun ng chapel. Later that afternoon, pumasok ako ng chapel, marami akong binuhos sa Kanya, well he knows my thoughts naman. I just need to say it for release.

Ewan ko ba...for the first time..hindi lovelife ang issue ko...kundi "other" problem. Oh well siguro bothered lang ako. Yun lang siguro yun. Basta there is something in me...an issue that me and God is talking about. Hindi ko rin alam ang gagawin ngayon. Pero heto....i am just letting him drive the car of my life. I can't tell it here. Basta ang alam ko lang....may reason kung bakit andito at andyan pa ako. And I will just served my purpose saan man at kailan man ako kailangan. At dahil dyan, kinalabit rin ako ni Lord to work some of my personal issues. Alam ko this is for the greater good. I decide to be positive on that. Alam ko wala pang binigay sa akin si Lord na lesson sa isang instance o situation na hindi ko nagamit sa future.

Yun lang talaga medyo bothered ako. :)

But thinking positively....hindi naman nagfail si Lord na icomfort ako. He comforts me everyday. He gives peace to my trouble mind and longing heart. Grabe...siya ang lang tlaga ang dahilan kung bakit ako masaya....kung bakit ko tini-take ang bagay positively. Ilang months na lang....alam ko kailangan ko i-embrance fully ang idea. For now....hindi ko muna papatayin na ang hope at faith na ito sa heart ko. Bahala na :)

Sideways...
Kapag nakikita ko sila....minsan wini-wish ko na maging sila na lang. Boto naman ako sa kanilang dalawa. Pero bakit ganun? Parang masaya ako at nasa-sad din at the same time. Ano ba talaga?

Bakit ko ba kasi nagugustuhan yung mga taong may problema sa pagpaprioritize ng mga bagay bagay?

Ilang linggo ko na rin syang hindi nakikita at nakakausap. Buhay pa kaya yun? Dahil ba yun sa mga sinabi ko sa kanya kaya di sya nagpapakita sa akin o sa amin?

Kailangan ko lang tanggapin muna kung nasaan ako ngayon. I know God will deliver me from here. Bahala na kayo sa akin Lord.

Ang tagal mo naman dumating.

Bahala na.... :)

Changes...

2009-03-18T16:11:00.002+08:00

Ok blog time. before anything else... Haha.

Ang sakit kasi ng ulo ko at hindi ako makapagtrabaho. Heto nga at nilalantakan ko ang french fries na kabibili ko sa mcdo plus bumili pa ako ng palitaw kay kuya tindero sa corporate center na sinamahan ko ng malamig na mango shake galing Frutas. Saraaaap. :)

Kamusta si kangel?

"After all the stops and starts".

I've decided to start a change. A change from inside to outside. Oo na...magtataka kayo? Hindi ko rin alam kung ano pinagsasabi ko. Basta nasa isip ko lang sya lately. Tapos nagmanifest na lang....Ching! Parang katulad ng documentation sa "The Secret"....alam ko may nangyayari sa akin. Hindi ko pa alam kung para ito sa kabubuti ko...Pero lahat ay nasa version "Beta". Si Kangel Beta version 1.0.0. Nasa sa akin naman kung tingin ko ok eh. Eh di itutuloy ko lang.

To answer the question pala...OK ako. :)

Knowing my weaknesses and strengths.

Bukod sa alam ko ang mga weaknesses ko, bawat taon pala ay napansin ko na wala pa rin pala akong pinagbago... Hindi ko na enumerate ang mga weaknesses ko, pero nakaka-alarm din na wala akong ginagawa para ma-overcome ito. That't the sad story. Tingin ko hindi lang sa akin kundi sa maraming tao din. Haay...

Lately ko lang nalaman ang mga strengths ko na hindi ko ginagamit. Because I am so busy concentrating on my weaknesses. And so I came to a plan...na drastically...magbabago ng konti sa akin. I hope it is for the best.

I decided to just let go of all the hopes I had with thoseI tag "special someones". Ayoko na kasi talaga. It is just so tiring para sa akin. Ngayon I'm on my own. I will just to apreciate me...my worth just as God wanted me to do first.

Ngayon, I begin to avoid all the guys that has somehow related to my past. Binibigyan ko lang ng space ang sarili ko. This is just for a time. Hindi ito magtatagal. Hindi ko alam kung significant din itong ginagawa ko. Pero I think it is. Giving space...and time and bringing back the worth for myself that was loss. It helps. Healing comes deeply now...entering super deep roots. Cleansing each deeply rooted dirt covered scar... (haay)

Gusto ko muna tapusin ang section na ito. :)

Only God knows, my thought, my dreams, my wants, my hopes, my disappointments, my pains, my rants, my plans, including evil plans. Alam nya lahat ang tumatakbo sa isip ko.

Pero in the end of it all....alam ng Diyos na gusto ko lang talagang masaya at the end of the day. He never fails to give me that blessing everyday of my life. At kung may mga bagay man na hindi nya pa maibigay sa akin. I know it is for the best. He doesn't want me to be hurt badly. Alam Nya kung ano ang pwedeng gawin sa aking ng sobrang galit.And God does not want me to loss my smile, my laughter. Alam ko...dahil naransan ko yun lahat.

I will praise the Lord when I win. I will praise the Lord even when I lost. - "Facing Giants"

I will praise the Lord forever for His goodness is upon his faithful servant.

Sorry....

2009-03-16T23:33:00.003+08:00

Okay, I just need to write on this...at matutulog na ako.

Si Lord talaga, sa araw araw na ginawa nya, parati nyang pinapaalala sa akin ang mag-forgive. Haay. At dahil sa walang patumangga nyang reminder sa akin, expert level na rin ako. Hindi nagtatagal sa akin ang galit at sama ng loob. Madali lang akong magpatawad.

If I have 5 circumstances which includes persons, pangyayari o kahit ano na pwede mong sabihan ng pagpapatawad.. - ok heto sisimulan ko na.

Sorry....

1. Una, gusto kong patawarin si SFC guy na nanakit sa akin lately. Napatawad na naman kita nung chapter assembly pa lang. Kahit paulit-ulit ka na. hehe. Sana lang wag ka na mamis-sent. Pls lang. nakakainit talaga ng ulo. Para kasing nanadya eh. Sorry rin sa mga masamang nasabi ko sa iyo. Inis lang talaga ako noon. :)

2. Sa mama ko, sorry kasi nag-init ulo ko kanina. Sorry mama. PMS. :(
3. Kay Robin Go at Raul Gulla...Sorry.
4. Sa sarili ko...na napapabayaan ko na sa sobrang pagpupuyat. Bumigay na ang katawan ko kahapon sa sobrang pagod.
5. At sa iyo Lord because I've sinned in my thoughts, in my words and in my actions. Sorry po.

Gudnyt all.

Love Talks (my realizations) (2)

2009-02-28T10:44:00.010+08:00

As I promised. I will write part 2 of the this blog post.

The Bestfriend Story.

I fell in love with a very close guy friend in highschool. We became even best of friends. Ewan ko...tingin ko naman sa kanya noon best friend talaga. Ewan ko lang sa kanya. Hehe.

I got all the first attention from him that I really long for dun sa aking 2-year crush na guy. Heto kasi...kaibigan ko talaga. We are close dahil na rin sa personality nya. We bond, magkasama kami, nag-uusap, we interact. Siguro ito yung first time kong ma-experience na mabigyan ako ng atensyon ng isang guy. I mean he is the first very close guy friend I had. Medyo na-cherish ko yun. Natuwa ako talaga ako. At siyempre dahil hayskul...with all the first time experience at pagpapantasya ay nagustuhan ko si bestfriend noon.

Pero siyempre...my personality...ano pa nga ba? Eh di tinago ang nararamdaman ko. Katulad ng mga ordinary hayskul girls...hindi ko alam kung paano iha-handle ang mga ganitong cases. Dahil hindi naman ako madalas magkuwento nga noon ng emotions ko noon. Natakot ako noon na kapag nalaman nya, all of the attention will vanished. Mawawala lahat yung mga moments na nagbibigay saya sa akin. I was inspired once more to study...to dream and to wish for that happy ending. Pero just like a young love story....hindi maganda ang ending ng istorya. It leads to a very drastic change on my part. It affects my whole character. Na dala ko hanggang ngayon.

Teka, gusto ko lang linawin na hindi rin nalalaman ng ilang barkada ko ang istoryang ito ng aking life. At kung mababasa nila ito..may may konting shockness silang maramdaman. Magtatampo rin sila siguro dahil hindi ko ito talaga nakuwento. Kung mababasa nila ito...i think they will know it na.... for the first time siguro...hehe. Gusto ko lang magpasintabi rin sa kanyang current gf na super close friend at barkada ko. I am writing this part of the story for the purpose of this article.They are happy right now. And my best friend and I are still best of friends. We managed to rebuild it back. Sa maniwala kayo at sa hindi...haha. What happened then? Heto yun.

Dahil teenager, at dala na rin kababasa ng mga walang kwents na pocketbooks...umasa ako na magugustuhan siyempre. Pero maraming complications noon. Like iba gusto nya...ay marami pala syang nagugustuhan noon. haha. He confessed that to me that he is going to love only one girl...(sya yung current gf nya ngayon). To make the long story, hindi nya ako nagustuhan. Iniwasan nya ako nung malaman nya na gusto ko sya. Devastating talaga. According to him (we talk about this already and we just make fun of this...natatawa na kami pag naalala namin. ngayon ko na lang ito natanong sa kanya), na-shock sya nung nalaman nya. And like an ordinary young guy na na-confused...ang tanging naging reaction na lang nya eh ay ang iwasan ako. And that was the hardest part for me. Pangalawang heartbreak ba naman eh. Magkasunod pa. Anak talaga ng teteng di ba? Haha. Parang hindi ko na kakayanin.

But mygosh siyempre, pag bata ka, hope doesn't go easily. Inisip ko noon, may hope dahil naging friends kami. We really did share something. I cling to that hope. Still wala pa rin masyadong nakakaalam ng mga pinagagawa ko sa aking katangahang love life. Sinarili ko ulit. Goodluck. Siyempre, hindi ko kinayanan. And here's the devastating effect. What happened?

Hating Men

I began to hate men on my early 2nd year in college. Grabeh...saksi pa rin ang aking "Dear Diary" sa aking walang patumanggang pag-asa, rants, prayers para magkatotoo ang gusto kong mangyari. But maybe God really knows the best for me Tapos naubos na ako. Naubos na pag-asa ko. Nasa-id na lahat. I feel so alone that time. Dalawang magkasunod na major heartbreak parang feeling ko kailangan ko ng magpalit ng puso talaga. Grabe wasak na talaga ako noon.

But I remain to be strong because I chose to.

I still remember to this day kung saan ko binanggit ang mga salitang sumusuko na ako dahil hindi ko na kaya ang sakit. Nasa Main library ako noon sa Reference section ng UPLB. Umiiyak ako noon na kunwaring nag-aaral. Oo...ang mga lugar katulad ng library, dun ako madalas na umiyak. Bukod siyempre sa kuwarto namin. Tahimik lang...ayoko na may makarinig eh.
I never show I'm weak to my family. Ok lang ako. Yun ang parati nilang nakikita sa akin. They have enough to worry about me. And so ni-bear ko lang...kaya ko ito...kaya ko...yun ang sinasabi ko sa sarili ko.

All I just wanted is to be happy. And by that time, happiness for me is kahit makabalik lang yung friendship namin.Pero bakit hindi mangyari yun. Yun talaga yung ultimate question on earth para sa akin? And then nalaman ko noon, na he got his new girl. Yun na ang pinakanaging-turning point ng life ko...embracing the change...pero this time...clouded with anger, false hopes at konting revenge.

Hindi ko maalala na sinisi ko ang Diyos. Ang naalala ko...sinisi ko ang lahat ng lalaki sa mundo. Naisip ko noon, lahat sila andyan para saktan ako. Na walang magtatanggol ng sarili ko kundi ako lang. At para maiwasan ang further heartaches, kailangan iwasan ko ang lahat ng lahi nila. Naisip ko noon na kinakaibigan ka nila para paasahin ka nila. And all their end goal is to hurt you.

Nakakatakot no? Yeah. But these are my thoughts about men way back then in college. I did hate them. Hate what their doing with women. I vow since then not to fall in any of their tricks. That I should be careful. That I need to protect myself from them. I created a wall for myself to limit the friendships I am making with them. Trust only carefully selected men. I hide myself again. I remind myself "Carefully select only worthy to be trusted men". I just can't trust
ordinary men. Dapat they should have something extraordinary. Kaibigan ko pa rin sila. Pero noon, nagkaroon na ako ng levelling. Haay. Ayun..from then, I am a certified man-hater.

And ang ending, wala akong naging boyfriend nung college dahil sa kakaiwas at pagiging paranoid. Inisip ko noon, I cant bear another pain again. Ayoko na. Period. That was the message na halos pinagsisigawan ko noon. Ang end result, no one came to pursue me. May nagpacute, may nagka-crush, may isang naglakas loob na nagpursue. Pero parang isa akong babae noon na naglalakad na may sign board na dala. Sa sign board nakasulat. "DANGER! High voltage area."

Healing

That was the dark ages before. God heed my prayers. And ngayon mas naniniwala ako na He can bring out the best even from the bad situations. And that happened to me.

I met a girl bestfriend. Finally, I was able to share all the heartaches, all my pains and through her, God healed me. I was able to find healing thru her by actually revealing all of me to her. Sinabi ko lahat. Na-share ko na sa wakas. I felt open. I felt free. Mabait talaga ang Diyos.

And I met a Christian friend who introduced me to my faith right now. And healing comes more...plus with fellowship group I am attending to, Healing comes full force. They explained me things. Kahit sarado ang utak ko noon. Hindi naging madali. Pero, like a lover who pursues to the one he loves, finally, their words touch me. Paunti-unti. Finally, I was open to a new view of love...I've seen love thru them. They love me unconditionally. And love heals me. :) And love takes a new form for me. It's Christ love thru my friends.

Fast Forward? What happened?

Hindi naging madali di ba sabi ko? Pero, thru my friends, somehow natauhan ako. I began to fall in love again...But this time, fear comes with it. Haay...natatakot ako. Pero, with God on my side...sige...nag-go ako.

Marami rin akong mga naging love interests, ung iba crushes lang talaga. After graduation, I have heart two guys. Hehe. Yung isa sa corporate at yung isa came from Singles for Christ. Medyo yung isa parang infantuation din lang (yung sa corporate guy). Medyo para talga kasing imposible. Haha. I heard he was married ung corporate guy. We are friends naman till now.

The SFC guy, of course tapos na rin ang phase ko sa kanya. But I admit na dahil sya ang last eh meron pa rin akong hang-over sa kanya. Medyo may pagkamalabo kasi talaga ang guy na ito. Sumuko na rin ako sa pag-asang liligawan nya ako. Close kasi kami until now and before I thought, I was special. But another girl came, his officemate, she bluntly likes him. They are of the same age. And she was aggresive, She expresses her feelings. The whole community knows about it....about them. They support it. At siyempre ano pa bang magagawa ko? Eh di wala. Tahimik lang naman ako eh. Pero hindi ako sumuko dahil doon.

Sumuko ako dahil, I can't stand the feeling of hoping for him. I know He is not ready. And even the girl, his officemate is floating. They are not official. The guy is quiet about them. Sometimes, he even denies it. Inisip ko paano kung ako yun. Haay naku. baka na-jombag ko sya. Hindi naman sya sobrang guwapo no. (hehe. joke. He is indeed a good looking guy) But he has the faith. That I have first love about him. I was attracted to him because He has that faith. Unexplainable, very admirable talaga. But maybe he is just enjoying his life with God. He is shaping him. Hindi pa talaga sya yun guy for me. I realized God wont send me na hindi ready. I have enough of waiting for that guy to came all of my life. Naman. Haha. Naisip ko ngayon, na pinagpipilitan ko lang sya na maging guy for me. He is a really a work in progress. We all are.
Ngayon talaga, na-accept ko na friends lang talaga kami.

By the way, this SFC guy and me are really good friends. Friends na naman? Yeah...haha. we are. Eh ayaw akong ligawan eh...anong gagawin ko? Haha. Wag pilitin ang ayaw. He lost me. And I will find someone better. That's life. I came to realize that lately. At kung kayo...magiging kayo. kung hindi, you are destined to find better person. Alright? Wag na kayo mangulit. Haha.

Today...

Last ICON in Cebu, I made a promise to God. That from then on....I will finally let him drive my life. And then His message to me was.

"You can't impose love. You can't control love. Let love find its way to you."

I realized that God allowed things to happen in my life because my God wants to realize the full power of love. It's mystery that no ever human being can ever fathom. Love has power. Love can move mountains. And all my life, I am longing to feel loved by that special someone. But God made me realize, this is not the only definition of it. Love comes in any form. In forgiveness, in trust, in hope, in faith. Love as Jesus wants for us to feel for Him is never aggresive. God never force us to love Him back because He wants us to decide for it first. For us to feel love for Him first. And that is love. Love is mysterious and has life on its own.

At dahil dun, God want me to just admire the feeling. To just be still and let go. And as he promised, love will find it's way to my heart. It already did. I'm happy now.

Wala pa rin akong boyfriend till now. I realized love is not all about it. I was secured again by the love of my God. And I know sooner if it His willing, He will send that special someone. In the best time and right He feels that both of us are ready.

I admit na napi-pressure na rin ako. Or nawawalan ako ng hope, or nagku-compare ako sa iba...But all these are erased when I was reminded of God's love for me. I know and I believe in my heart He will fulfill His promise. For now, I just have to enjoy every single days of my life...serving Him and knowing Him more.

Sooner I know... He will come. Love will find me and him. Soon. :)

-end-

16th SFC ICON "Christ" in Cebu Philippines!

2009-02-23T13:46:00.007+08:00

Powerful worship

Raising our hands for Jesus

Worship

SFC sunvalley girls in worship mode

Magellan's cross - Jeff, Amy, Karen, Karlo

SFC with ate cech -

SFC SB9A in Magellan's cross - We're here!
Rena, Amy, Karen, Ate A, Maricel, Karlo, Jeff

in the Sto Nino church

SFC in workshop

SFC girls posed in SFC ICON background

Amy, Maricel,Ate Rena, Kangel sa Room 341 ng Qwest Homes dorm

Karlo, Ate Gily, Kangel, Ate A sa Room 367 ng Qwest Homes dorm

SFC girls ulit

"The Basureros" - Boy band members: Mike, Karlo and Jeff

SFC Jump moments

SFC sa room ulit

SFC in Cebu first night - Friday Feb 20, 2009

SFC wacky pose

SFC in Cebu - ate a, maricel, amy,gily, rena, mike, karlo, jeff
not in pic: tuping and jeff.

Sharing pictures from the recent SFC ICON in Cebu.

More pictures uploaded in fotokangel ->

Subject: Love Talks (my realizations) (1)

2009-02-20T00:20:00.005+08:00

You can't impose love. You can't control love.

With my 26 years of existence on earth, I saw different kinds of people battling against or for love. Wanting love, hating love , and just savoring love.

But I won't talk for others here. This is my blog in the first place right? Ang pag-uusapan natin ay ang mga realizations ko about it.

Maaga yata akong namulat sa idea ng love.

Kinder pa lang ako nagka-crush na ako sa isang teenager na kapitbahay namin. You see I appreciate men really. Haha. Maaga akong nag-admire sa kanila in short. At naramdaman kong masarap pala yung magkaroon ka ng crush na feeling mo na inspirado ka. Tapos parating maganda yung araw mo. Ang gaan gaan eh. Yung feeling na yun, hinanap ko yun every year. Which mean that this idea have me look for a new crush every year. Maaga rin kasi akong namulat sa 99% perspiration at 1% inspiration. Pero nung kiddie years ko pa, hindi yata naging totoo yun. Hindi ko namalayad na > 1% na pala sya. Inisip ko rin na crush lang naman. Wala naman masama. Bata pa ako noon pero alam ko na bawal pa talaga ang bf. Kaya I indulge myself sa feeling not knowing meron palang epekto sa akin ito pagdating ng aking highschool years.

Teka alam nyo pa ba yung feeling na magka-crush ka ng bata ka?

I remember it so well. Natatandaan ko na, parati mong gusto makita yung tao. You see pag bata ka, ang crush parang kendi lang yan...or masarap na pagkain sa tindihan. Tinatakam mo ang sarili mo... Ang naalala ko... pag tumitingin na sya on your way kahit hindi talaga ikaw ung tinitingnan...bumibilis ang heartbeat ko. Tumatakbo ako sa isang corner tapos super tago talaga ako. Tapos buntong-hininga....tapos...sasabihin ko sa sarili ko. Haay...ang gwapo nya talaga. Inspired na naman ako. :)
(Kaloka, bata pa lang ako...alam ko na talaga ang gwapo idea...nakuha ko yun sa idea ng mga gwapong prince charming malamang kababasa ng mga fairytales...tsk!)

So, nagpatuloy yun hanggang hayskul days ko. Grabeh, every year bagong crush. Dahilan ko para maging inspired ako pumasok. Ginawa ko talaga syang source of inspiration. Sayang nga lang di ko namamalayan na naging source of despair ko na rin pala ito ng mga huling years ng aking hayskul.

First Love Daw?
Ok dati, kung crush crush lang ako, I felt love nung second year high school. Actually di ko rin ma-sure pa yun kung love nga yun. Haha. Ang alam ko lang...hindi ko makalimutan yung phase na yun sa buhay ko. Nadocument ko kasi yun gamit ang aking "Dear Diary". So tingin ko wala akong lusot. Ilang beses ko bang binanggit na "Mahal ko sya"... "I love you...ek ek"... Kulang na lang mag-rhyme yan...makakagawa na ako ng spell. hehe. Hindi ko makalimutan kasi ito yung first heartbreak ever din. Konting detalye....heto.

High school years po noon...eh nagso-soar na ang aking acads (sori po...hindi po sa pagmamayabang) Siguro wala lang talaga akong magawa noon...Dahil ito na yung pinakamabilis na paraan naisip ko na irepay ang kabutihan ng aking parents sa akin...(basta its another story) Yun...ginamit ko ang pagkakaroon ng inspirasyon (meaning crushes para sa akin noon) para makapag-aral ng mabuti. Parang gusto ko patunayan (hindi ko rin alam kung kanino ko gusto patunayan), na totoong effective ang pagkakaroon ng inspirasyon sa pag-aaral. Siguro naisip ko yun para magkaroon ako ng dahilan sa parents ko kung magkaka-bf man ako. Duh...haha. Not sure. hula ko lang.

Gwapo, maputi, matangkad, sports athlete sya. Crush ng bayan. At naging super crush ko.Na-in love ako ng 2 years sa kanya. Iniyakan ko yun...hindi ko matandaan rin kung bakit. Basta everytime na nasasaktan ako at nagwiwish ako na maging kami....umiiyak ako. I think it is a form of release for me. Wala rin kasi akong masabihan noon sa mga kaibigan ko. Natatakot ako na ipagsabi nila. Natatakot ako sa tuksuhan. Natatakot akong mawalan ng control. Or mapaiyak sa kahihiyan. I can't stand confrontation way back in high school kaya tinago ko ang feelings na yun. Yun pala ang magsi-shape sa akin mga future decisions ko sa love. Since I was afraid of passing thru this stage...I hide myself as being strong, funny and easy to be with friend. I did not allow others to see my weak side like crying for boys fearing them to tease me... I felt the reason was stupid...And I felt like a loser and so...

Ewan ko ba, nagmanifest yun sa hitsura ko nung hayskul. I have a different upbringing pala. Medyo hindi maganda nung teenage years ko. To make the long story short, pinagbawal ng parents ko na magpaganda ko nun, dahil ayaw nila na maaga akong maging maarte. Kaya nga noon I don't care whether I look like a nobody. Malaki damit ko, mahaba hair ko, no powder on my face, unironed school uniform...I really don't care at all way back then in high school. Naalala ko na sinabi ko sa sarili ko...If somebody would love me...he should accept the real me. Haay my stuborness! Grabeh no? I did not entertain change knocking on my door. With all the pride..pa na tinanggihan ko. Yabang ko pa noon...Bahala sila kung ayaw nila akong tanggapin. They are not worth of my time. Ito siguro yung mga oras na nalaman ko ang totoong ibig sabihin ng pride. Akalain mo?

Dinaan ko ang lahat sa acads...hoping na mapapansin nya ako. Ng crush ko...okay first love ko.Feeling ko noon, boys appreciate smart girls...kahit dun na lang makapuntos ako sa heart nya. Hindi ko rin kasi mapagkatiwalaan ang sarili ko na maganda ako noon. But I believe in the power of love. Na hindi importante ang panlabas na anyo...nadda..nadda...naddaa... alam nyo na yun.

I got heartbroken several times with the same guy. Two years ba naman yun no? Because hope didn't get tired to stay in my heart. Haay. Ayun huminto lang talaga ako..nung I realize na wala talagang pinatutunguhan ang paghihintay ko.... na nagmumuka na akong tanga talaga. Ganun..And then...another guy came. The guy really helped me to forget him. But I fell in love with him...Haay roller coaster na buhay ito. Ayun...nadapa ako in the second time around. Repeating the history again and again...

Part 2: to be posted

Friday the 13th and UPLB Feb Fair 2009 (nga pala V-day rin pala nun..haha!)

2009-02-14T21:43:00.004+08:00

I went to UPLB Feb Fair last night. Nakisabay ako kina jason, kenz at jenine, kasama na rin ang bf ni kenz na si brad. Salamat especially kay jason dahil pumayag sya na makisabay ako. Napagod ang officemate ko na yun sa pagda-drive dahil sa mahabang biyahe. Nasabi ko tuloy sa sarili ko, kailangan ko na rin matutong magmaneho para mapakinabangan naman ako sa mga ganun trips. Gusto ko talagang makatulong din siyempre. Nga pala, kinabahan ako ng konti nung sinabi nya na first out of town trip nya ung biyahe namin. Waaa...Hahaha. Nag-alala rin ako sa kanya kasi hindi rin maganda ang lagay na kamay nya. Nabagsakan mo ng kamay nya ang kawawang dumb bell....hahahaha! Joke...it is the other way around pala. Sori.. Anyways..kinaya naman. Galing na driver ni jason. We're all safe na nakauwi ng manila. Salamat ulit jason. :)

Marami akong ikukuwento. Bago pa mawala sa isip ko ang lahat ng engkwentro at mga napagkuwentuhan namin ng naka-engkwentro ko, heto na nga at iba-blog ko. Marami akong na-realize and I feel like again God is speaking thru me with these friends. Friends are really angels. Don't you think? :) Masasabi nyo yan kapag nabasa nyo na ang mga pinagsasabi nila sa akin.

I heart UPLB!
Kung ililista ko ang mga bagay, lugar, tao na pinakamamahal ko talaga, makakasama dun ang UPLB. Sinabi ko nga sarili ko...hindi ko malilimutan ang lugar na yun dahil sa dami ng karanasan at mga aral na natutunan ko sa ELBI. Bukod pa yun sa exposure siyempre ng isang Unibersidad na katulang UP, dun talaga ako namulat, nagkaisip, natutong lumaban at i-execute ang mga desisyon ko...Andun na yung mga mali, medyo mali, medyo tama at tamang desisyon na nagawa ko sa buhay ko. Sabi naman ng Philosophy professor ko...relative naman daw ang truth. So ang nasa isip ko nun, basta matuto ako mapangatawanan ang desisyon ko...hanggang katapusan. At para sa akin, sa UPLB ako nag-mature. I managed to have my decision be executed after a very careful thought/self-mind debate of all the possible consequences. Andun na rin na pinaubaya ko rin sa Diyos ang mga consequences...Hehe.

Isa lang ang decision-making sa mga nahasa sa akin ng unibersidad na ito. Maraming-marami pa akong bagay na nalaman. Hindi matatapos ang article na ito kung i-enumerate ko. Mahal ko ang UPLB dahil sa kasimplehan nito, kalinisan at malayang pamamahayag...period...kuwit atbp...

What happened in Feb Fair?

After years since I graduated...I finally saw very dear friends namely Bob and Jumbo. Grabe sobrang close ko yung mga taong yun.

Bob - He is the one that introduce me to deeper faith in Jesus. Kung hindi ko nakilala si Bob, I think, I wont have this faith. At alam ko...it is all His plan that I met a very dear friend in him.

Jumbo- ano pa nga ba? Hindi ko lang makalimutan yung mga kulitan namin. Haha! I remeber na ni-kiss pa nya ako sa batok ko nun....haha! Nakaw na kiss yun tapos tili talaga ako to the max... How dare him talaga. Nagawa nya rin mabasa ang ilang pahina ng aking diary...haha! Kaya hindi ko talaga makalimutan itong taong ito.

Kaya naubos actually ang oras sa kuwentuhan namin. Kamustahan at kulitan forever pa din. I miss them so mats talaga. :)

At ang iba kong pang nakita.. :D

I also met on the way si Dags....Super friend..palaging nakangiti at super bait na tao. Si Voltaire...hmmmn. kras ko dati...sssshhh! hahaha! dormate ko sya sa Vetmed Dorm. Hindi nya alam na hidden crush ko sya noon pa. Kawawa naman. Haha. Ang saya saya talaga. Si David Buduan din pala na-meet ko ulit together with his gf. Hehehe. I'm glad he has moved on with shine....ka-lovelife nya dati. Nakita ko rin dun ang ilang ICS pips. Rainier and Sir Jach. And also Ali, our OJTrainee and her girlfriend Lara...if I remember it right. And Lalen...waaa...si katukayo na nalaman kong kabi-break lang din. Haaay. Ang buhay nga naman. Haaayy.....sabagay ako nga hindi pa rin kami pinagtatagpo...hanuvah.

Valentines day on Tagaytay? Haha!

We went to Tagaytay nga pala. Di namin namalayan na Feb 14 na pala nun...Joke lang. Dun kami natulog sa isang hotel dun. Maayos naman at nakabawi kami ng lakas. Alas onse na ng maisipan namin mag-Valentine lunch...err maglunch lang lahat. Naglunch kami sa Leslie's restaurant. Masarap ang pagkain...at maganda ang view. Siyempre di mawawala ang picture taking. Late lunch na kami nakaalis ng Tagaytay. Super fun naman.

May sasabihin ka pa ba?

Wala na muna. Haay. I have experience something different na medyo naguguluhan lang talaga ako ngayon. Pero ayoko muna magsalita pa. Bahala na lang si Lord sa iba pang mangyayari. If it His will. It will happen. :)

Nga pala...

May mga nangyari pa pala....heto yun.
- Walang booth ang UPSCA. Grabeh naka-ilan ikot na ako...wala pa rin talaga. Ang lungkot. Pero nakita ko naman ang booth ng COSS at iba pang orgs kung saan andun ang ilang close friends.
- Sabi si akin ni Bobby eh dahil yun sa desisyon ng dating director ng Student Affairs na bawal na muna magtayo ng booth ang mga religious orgs dahil sa kadahilanan na ang UP naman daw ay isang non-sectarian university. Ok ok ok. Fine Fine. I wont counter argue. haha! Pero hula ko sa kanya sa ex-director na yan. Kung hindi sya agnostic...atheist sya. Haaayyyy! Hehe.

I hope I can share pictures soon. haller namen....nag-a-upload pa lang ako eh..hahahah! Ang tagal!

Sorry Lord :(

2009-02-10T16:28:00.004+08:00

Sorry Lord. I confess that I am sinner. Forgive me in my weakness. Restore to me the joy of salvation.

Guys please lang....(Post-bday celebration, moments)

2009-01-27T22:54:00.007+08:00

Hiding my true sexuality is whole thing easy for me. When I'm with guy friends, I really feel like a guy. I act like a guy. I speak and tease like a guy. In short, I'm one of them when I'm with them. I am suddenly transformed into a guy every time I joined any of my guy-group-of-friends.(I have a lot of them...I promise...But none of them took me seriously or looked at me differently...I mean you know romantically)

Sometimes it is an advantage for me to be with them. I get to watch how they talk, how they think and how they do things. But being with them also mean seeing their flaws. These make me easily criticized them silently..uhm ehem..without them knowing... Hehe.

But I accepted and respected the fact these flaws are just part of them. They will all be jerk in one part of their lives, they will be undecided and they will be the egoistic person on earth... But these are all just phases they needed to pass.I have learned to accept these traits from years of friendship with them.

Let's just hope they will be a grown up man someday. I know God designed them to be.

- Anonymous

Wala lang....haai...It is all said here. Very well said pa. Clap clap!

Please lang... :)

I'm sad.

Sa totoo lang minsan lang ako magkagusto talaga sa isang guy. And sadly I have this early prospect this year....haai ayun....di na pwede.... :( Sad no?

What are the traits that I really like sa guy? Yan ang tanong ni Idee sa akin kanina lang. Actually wala na nga akong qualifications. Pero gusto ko lang siguro talaga ung siguradong love ako, tanggap ako at mahal nya si Lord. Oo naaaaaaahhhh... isa syang taong guni-guni...haha! Pwede rin isang priest sa simbahan..hahaha! Mahirap humanap ng ganun tao sa totoo lang. Pagtatawanan ako ng mga tao kapag sinasabi ko sa kanila yung last qualification. Sabi nila isang priest daw ang kailangan ko. haha!

Hindi naman masyadong mataas di ba? Napaka-plain ang simple lang naman talaga. Parang wala na nga akong na-set na qualifications eh...hehe.

Kidding aside, sinubukan ko rin kasi na tanggalin ang qualifications but it turned out na hindi rin pala ok. Kasi may hahanapin ka talaga. At siyempre nung hindi mo yun nakita, nadisappoint ka talaga eh. Ang hirap pa sa akin...ambilis ko madisappoint. Haai...(Pero sinasanay ko na ang sarili ko.... na ma-disappoint parati...haha!) Alam ko binigay sa akin ni Lord ang mga desires na ito. It came from Him so feeling ko may tutupad din nito in the long run. I believe it in my heart. Ayan. So be it Lord. :)

FYI. Bihira lang talaga ako magkagusto sa isang guy. Siguro kasi...andami ko ng friends na guys (isama na rin pati gays..hehe). Napapalibutan ako. At hindi lang mga tambay sa kanto, pulis, propesyonal atbp...Marami talaga sila. I also have a guy bestfriend, close friend, reserved boyfriend to be....haha! name it...meron...parang andami kong kapatid na lalaki. Parang super sanay na ako to be with them and think and act like them. Kaya siguro ganun. kaya nahihirapan akong maka-appreciate din. Para kasing pag walang extra-ordinary..hindi ko naman pag-iisipan ng masama ang mga kaibigan ko. Hindi ko rin alam kung manhid ako. Pero wala eh. Wala talagang nagkamali. Tsk. tsk... haha!

Guys please lang...

Payo lang...hindi lang para sa akin ha..(Feeeling ko...haha!) sa lahat ng boys na enjoying friendship/courting stage. (Parang based sa personal experience ba itoooohh??? hahahaha!)

1. Seek honest friendship. - Ito talaga foundation ito. Unless maso-syonda na kayo....skip nyo na ito. Masyado na kayong late eh. Hehe. Punta na kayo agad sa number 4. Hahaha!

2. Don't give up on the first rejection - Unless traumatic.

3. Effort please. - Puro text na lang...text text. Sometimes,it would do well kung babalik sa basics...magsibak ka! kidding. haha! Basta...pag di ok ung modern..balik ka sa basics...di ba? Try mo walang masama.

4. Express your intentions - i.e. after you finally decided to go na sa next level - Courting. Wag kang maniwala sa sarili mo na mari-risk ang friendship nyo...Utang na loob... Pang-hayskul lang yan. Please express your feelings...walang hulaan. Anak naman ng Dyosah oh. Hindi naman ito Hangman eh para maghulaan kayo kung nanliligaw ka na ba. Wag kang pa-play safe. The girl would appreciate the effort. Kahit hindi halata sa face nya. Basta nasa paraan ng delivery yan.

5. Winning or losing is the game. - tanggapin in the end kung wala wala... at kung meron meron. It's the experience that counts. Minsan masakit yeah pero that's life. These things are all just a phase and part of your lifetime. You would never grew maturely kung wala ang heartache at pain. At kung naging kayo...congrats...mahusay ka. :) Magpasalamat ka kay Lord. At ipagpray mo naman na sana magtagal kayo di ba? hehehehe! Joke lang :) Pray na ma-blessed ni Lord ang relationship nyo...para tuloy na sa wedding di ba? (Teka ambilis naman yata...hehe)

Sori kung medyo biased sa girl ang points ko. Ganun tlaga... :D

Alright...oras na para matulog. Kailangan ko lang magblog...napakarami ko ng oras na tahimik sa opisina. It is not me kapag hindi ako nakapag-share ng something personal sa buhay ko...hehe.

Special thanks to:
Kris, Ate Mye, Emie sa roses. I will forever remember you all. :) I mishu girls. Thanks sa surprise post bday celebration. Mwaah! Natakot ako talaga dun. Ayus sa gimik. One of a kind birthday gimik yun ah. hehehe.

SEO pips...rai, reah, joni, sarah...salamat salamat nun dinner. Mishu guys.

Sa Ministry of Word - salamat po :)

Sa SFC special dinner sa at sa card. Huhu...Touch ako. Maraming salamat. Si Lord na bahala sa inyo. At sa atin lahat. God bless us all :)

Thanks Kiko dahil naka-chat kita habang sinusulat ko itong blog article na ito. Nawala antok ko. Haha!

Happy 26th Birthday Kangel! (Yuck 26 na ako! Haha!)

2009-01-14T23:18:00.004+08:00

Minutes left before my birthday....

Heto na...ilang minuto na lang....11:22 pm na ng January 14. Namaan!!! Isang taon na naman ang madadagdag sa edad ko. Haha! (parang bitter... hehe) Opo...isang taon na naman na everytime when I try to look back....napapangiti ako...Andami kasing nangyari. Trials...Confusions....Heartbreaks???(Meron ba?)....Achievements/Blessings...at Challenges...

Haay....masaya ako. Kasi habang sinusulat ko ito....sister brought a cake for me already. Ayos. may cake na ako. Ooopss...may ice cream na rin pala plus fresh water pearl key chain gift for me. Ang sweet ng kapatid kong ito. Saya. Hindi ko na po-problemahin ang cake bukas.

Sweet and Blessed 26

I'm happy to be 26...Sweet 26...Haha! Sa totoo lang...importante and age ko dahil ito ang number o taon na pinagsamahan ng parents ko. Ito ang taon na buo pa rin ang pamilya ko. Ito rin ang mga taon ng journey ko kay Lord. 26 years ng pangangarap, pag-iyak, pagtawa, pagpapatawa, pagsusungit at pagpapakadalubhasa. 26 years na patuloy akong pinagpapala ng Diyos. Alam ko na siya na ang director ng buhay ko ngayon. At anuman ang eksena na kung saan starring ako....alam ko...na alam Nya na kaya ko yun gawin.Hindi rin naman nya yun ibibigay kung hindi ko yun keri. God brings out the best in me sa bawat eksena. Bida man o hindi....the important part of every scene are the lessons and skills that I learned. Alam ng Diyos na I really love learning and I wanted to be challenged sa lahat ng mga gagawin ko. And He gave me those things that I really prayed for. Haay naku sa dami ng blessing nya, hindi matatapos ang article na ito sa pagi-enumerate! Haha!

Sa totoo lang...26 pa lang ako...(bata pa ako...haha! But I'm proud...) pero sobrang dami ko ng natutunan sa mga taong nakakasama at mga nakilala ko. I wont mention names pero sobrang laki ng impact nila sa buhay ko. And I know God allowed me to meet these wonderful persons para matouch ko at matouch nila ang buhay ko in their own ways they never imagined. Sobrang overwhelmed ako... dahil nararamdaman ko...na God is planning every chapter/scene of my life. May God bless them. Si Lord na lang talaga bahala ang magbalik sa kanila ng lahat lahat. :D

At dahil ni-mention ko sila. Hehehe. Eh baka marinig naman nila ang birthday wishlist ko. Ahem! Hahahha! Heto na yun...

Ahem! My 26th Birthday Wishlist

1. New Pink, Mint Green, Brown Blouse/Shirt/Spandex - Size: Small
2. New Starbucks Mug
3. White Bag - (Office)
4. Pair of Havaianas (Black or White) (size 7)
5. Roses? Haha! (I will forever remember you...haha!)
6. Calendar (Wala pa akong nabibiling magandang calendar)
7. Any good-read inspirational book (Yancey/any good authors)
8. Si Ex-P? (Not sure anymore...pero sulat ko pa rin)
9. Sponsors para sa GK-Sibol (We need sponsors para sa mga activities namin for SIBOL kids)
10.Yung wish ko kay Lord nung Christmas (I really wish for this one. May His will be done.)

Ayan napakasimple. Mura pa. Be my angel on my birthday. Buy na...hahaha! Peace out!

PASASALAMAT

Super thank you sa:

- sa mga SEO team....esp reah, kells, rai, beng, rom, sarj, meng and joni...super salamat sa early greetings. One week nyo na ako gini-greet lalo ka na kells and rai...Sori na lang tlaga at tipid tipid mode tayo ngayon. Tandaan nyo...KRISIS ang buong earth. Kaya KKB (kanya-kanya bayad)sa friday. Hehehe.
- sa mga bumati sa friendster... sa mga officemates
- sa FAMILY ko...da best!
- sa mga nagtext at tumawag : kay ex-P na tumawag...this time naalala nya.
- kris at emie and sykes pipol.
- kay Lord na ginagawang espesyal ang araw ko. Super duper uber thanks Lord. :)

Heto ang SUKLI ko sa lahat ng kabaitan nyo... ->>>>>>>>> *****WARM HUG*****

God bless you all :)

Kangel's Christmas Parties...

2008-12-27T10:16:00.005+08:00

Merry Christmas sa atin lahat! This is a late post...At habang hinihintay kong maluto ang anumang pagkain na niluluto ni mama....Magba-blog muna ako.

Kamusta Christmas?

MASAYA. Hehe.. Kasi kumpleto kami. Siyempre kanta ever ang lahat. Kaso tulog ang mga magulang ko at mga kapatid ko nung noche buena. Siguro dahil sa sobrang pagod.

Kinabukasan...

Siyempre gift giving...Hayun...nalagasan talaga ako...Kung meron pang malalagas sa akin. Ewan ko ba? Hahaha! Lagas na lagas na ako di pa man nag-start ang christmas. Pero happy ako...at super satisfied. Hearing them say thank you and merry christmas sa akin...parang sapat na tlagang kabayaran. Knowing na na-acknowledge nila yun...makes me feel...I am more blessed. Oh di ba?

Yun lahat ang nangyari nung Dec 24-25. Ano naman nangyari bago yun?

Siyempre dami parties:
1. Party sa SEER - Wala akong masabi...ang babait ng mga boys namin...I salute yung mga boys na namin na naging super game sa pagsusuot ng wigs. Sana lahat ng tao next year mag-participate na rin. Hehe. Girls wear hats. Nagkaroon ng konting pag-aaklas sa idea...But in the end...gentleman pa rin ang boys...they just give in. Yung iba naging innovative. And finally the wig and hat party ng SEER is a success!

2. GK Sibol-Sagip Christmas Party - Heto isa sa mga memorable na party din. Hanep sa intermission ang batang tinuturuan namin. Bumabaha talaga ng talent nung araw na yun. And thru the help of my brothers and sisters din sa SFC...super sa olrayt ang event. Naging masaya ang mga bata sa pagkain ng pansit, juice at tinapay. At siyempre ang inaabangan nila...ang GIFT GIVING at awards para sa mga ok ang attendance at recognition din sa mga batang mababait. At siyempre ang mga walang kamatayang mga games...na nagbigay ng excitement sa araw na yun. Saya. :) Pagod man ang araw ko nun. Sunday kasi yun eh, Dec 21. Kailangan maging gising pa rin...dahil may susunod pang party...Ang party ng Ministry of Word (Commentators and Lectors) right after ng party ng GK Sibol/Sagip. Grabeh indemand talaga ako. Haha!

3. Ministry of Word (Commentators and Lectors) - Hayun...late ang kagandahan ko sa party na yun. Pero keri pa rin dahil nakaabot ako sa bumabahang pagkain ulit. Wahahaha! Kaso lang hindi na nila ako natirahan ng Baked Macaroni na especialty ni Tita Agnes. Haay...ang lungkot. Masarap pa naman talaga sya magluto ng pasta. Anyways..tinatago ko lang ang lungkot ko nun. Eh kasalanan ko naman talaga kung bakit wala ng natira. Na-late ako. Boo talaga ako. Pinagkasya ko na lang ang sarili ko sa mga masarap na chicken, pizza, tacos at sa masarap na 2 flavors ng red ribbon cakes. Hindi na masama di ba? Hahahahah! Busog na busog pa ako sa GK Party...Hindi na ako makahinga sa pagkain nung party sa Simbahan. Kaya inuwi ko na lang ang mga dala kong pagkain. At nung dumating ako sa bahay...Ano pa ba ang dapat asahan? Eh di....wala pang limang minuto...naglaho na ang dala ko. Hahaha! Mas masarap talaga kumain pag kasama ang pamilya...para kasing parati kang mauubusan. Hehe.

4. SFC Christmas Party - Bago nangyari ang dalawang party na magkasunod (GK and Minisry of WOrd) itong party muna ang ina-attendan ko. In short...puyat na puyat talaga ako. Naging masaya ang party dahil ako ang nagpalaro. Hindi naman nadumihan ang mukha nila...Heheh katulad ng naisulat ko sa previous post ko. It all went well....Hehe...Masaya din ung party. Nagsayawan...bonding and chismaks...plus siyempre bumabahang pagkain. Hehehehehe. Siyempre praise fest. Saya. We honor God who gives us all the blessings. A memorable event. :)

5.Family Christmas Party - mawawala ba ito? Siyempre hindi. Nangyari ito nung mismong Dec 25. And again ako ang emcee at nagpalaro ako sa mga kids including ang mga auntie ko ha plus kapatid. Ang saya saya nung paagaw. Halos magkaroon ng stampede kapag nagpapaagaw ako ng coins. Hahaha! Marami akong palaro pala nun. Kaya nalagasan din ako ng pera for the prizes. Kawawang bulsa...hahaha!

Naging masaya ako talaga nung Christmas dahil kumpleto kaming nagcelebrate ng Pasko. We celebrate it knowing Jesus is the reason for the season (from reah). Nakumpleto ko rin pala ang Simbang Gabi. And I have made my wish. Hinihintay ko na lang kung ano sagot ni Lord. :) Sobrang daming blessings na binigay ni Lord sa family ko this year. At siyempre sa buhay ko. Sobrang overwhelmed tlaga ang feeling. Sobrang kuntento and I feel really blessed. Kaya todo share ako rin...lagas man ako this Christmas...napuno naman ang puso ko ng kaligayahan na hindi talaga mapapantayan....hearing them say thank you and merry christmas. Iba talaga yung feeling eh. Totoo ngang ang kasabihan..It is better to give than to receive. Try mo? :)

Since this is a late post. It is never to late naman to greet everybody.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL. MAY THE BLESSING OF OUR LOVING GOD BE WITH US. :)

Iko-close ko itong post na ito by a part of the song na binanggit rin ni Father Daniel dun sa Christmas Eve homily nya....Heto yun. :)

At kahit na anong mangyari, ang pag-ibig sana ay maghari.
Sapat ng si Hesus ang kasama mo.
Tuluy na tuloy pa rin ang Pasko... :)

Happy Birthday Jesus. :)

Let's talk about Christmas and Work (my monday meetings)

2008-12-09T14:04:00.004+08:00

Dami nangyari last night. Kapagod. Pero masaya.

I met Arcy Buenaventura last night sa Shang. Arcy is very close friend of mind and he is my...uhmmmn....hahha! Never mind...haha! You know what I mean frend...haha! Super close ko itong taong ito. We chismis a lot nung college about life at kahit ano. I remembered na sini-share nya ung kanyang Kool-Aid juice drink every time sa mga review sessions namin pag exam week. Kasama na rin dyan ang hindi ko malilimutan very fresh chocolate mik drink hunting namin sa VETMED campus. Nilalakad namin yun kahabaan ng VETMED campus...kahit sobrang init...haha! Sobrang mura at sarap kasi naman nun. Onli in YUFIELVI...hahaha!

We had coffee plus pastries. Kain lang habang kuwento. He never changed at all pala. Mas ok sya kaysa yung last time na nagkita kami. Last year pa yata yun. Ngayon kamuka nya na si Clark Kent. Hehehe! (Naks Superman!) He rant about his work. Hahaha! And that Mr....Ahem! Hahahaha!

Oh well, I shared my views. The reality kasi dito sa Pilipinas...Sobrang mapulitika talaga ang malalaking companies. Walang justice...It happened to me once. I wished him goodluck na lang...hehe. :)

I think may purpose pa rin naman kung bakit ka andun sya. And payo ko na lang siguro...just live it one day at a time na lang. :) (Parang ako haha!) And count blessings na lang para hindi ka mainis o mainip o ma-BORE. hahahaha! Konting tiis. Yun...hahaha! :)

KONTING SEGWAY...

Nga pala we have a SFC service meeting din last nyt. Ayun...namiss ko talaga sila. Andun sina mike, karlo, brian, allan, nick, tuping, jeff at siyempre ang timeless beauty na mga sisses.... Ate a, amy, ate rena, maricel and your truly. wahahaha! Andami napag-usapan. And may His will be done talaga...Dami gastos talaga. Pero Christmas is all about sharing! And we're happy to share our blessings. After all sa Kanya din naman ito nanggaling. :) Thank you Lord! :)

We talk about GK Sibol/Sagip Christmast Party, our Lord's day this coming saturday and our own SFC Christmas party. waaaaaaaa....nai-stress ako sa dami ng kailangan i-note...Pero I'm ready to give my part esp sa GK Sibol kids. These kids have taught me so much on all the simple lessons in life. Naging patient ako, tolerable, and humbled sa mga nakikita ko sa kanila. I learned to be child in them again. And I know I will be part of their lives forever. At sobrang honored ako na binigay sa akin ni Lord ang ganitong task. And indeed, kahit pagod talaga ako ever sunday, they complete my Sunday. Kapag wala at hindi nga ako naka-attend. Sobrang guilty ako... at namimiss ko tlaga mga kids. Sa kanila nga ako nagkaroong idea ng family...Gusto ko na rin magkaroon mga kids...hehe. (Teka hanap muna ako groom...haha!)

They decided last night na gawin akong facilitator ng games sa SFC Christmast party. I have a week to research naman. Exciting ito. hahaha! Marurumihan ang mukha nila...haha!

Here's my Christmast schedule for the following weeks to come. Haay....kailangan ko na talagang planuhin ang mga bagay bagay. Baka may malimutan ako...

Dec 12 - The Spa with Mareng Reah Padla.
Dec 13- Lord's Day (Saturday)
Dec 18 - SEER Christmas Party
Dec 20- SFC Christmas Party (Saturday)
Dec 21 - GK Sibol/Sagip Christmas party (9am-12pm)
Dec 21 - Lector/Commentators Christmas Party (1pm)

HEEEEELLLLPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kailangan makapunta ako divisoria...para makabili ng gifts...hahaha! Christmas cramming na ito..wahahaha!

Part ako ng christmas party committee sa SEER. Ayun...Siyempre somehow...me alam ko kung ano mangyayari. Sana mairaos namin itong lahat. We all wanted to have fun. Ipagdarasal ko na magparticipate lahat. NAMAAAANNN! KJ tlaga pag may hindi nagparticipate. Boo! Haha!

Ok...need to create the invitation. Deadline as in today!

Yeah right...haha!

Happy birthday (best) Angelo! :)

2008-12-08T11:52:00.004+08:00

So hello there....hehe... wala naman. Pero since petiks dito sa office. Heto blog ako ulit. :)

What happened? Heto na...Heto yun...

Happy birthday best!

Kaarawan po ng isa sa mga matatalik kong kaibigan sa industriya...(hanu vah at showbiz ba ito? haha!) este...sa earth. Maligayang birthday Angelo!

Last night was his pre-celebration of his birthday which was supposed to be today. Masaya naman. Oo masaya talaga. May videoke, lahat ata ng ka-cliques nya pumunta dun mula sa katrabaho, kabarkada, his girlfriend and fairy and siyempre andun po ang inyong lingkod. Pero tinatamad talaga ako nung una.. Pramis! Haay...pinilit ko lang talaga pumunta. Pampakunsensya ba. Para sa susunod maalala naman ng lokong yun ang birthday ko..haha! Andun rin pala ang family nya na syang pasimuno na bumabahang pagkain sa party nya. Sarap ng pansit...sarap tlaga. :D

Bukod sa pagi-enjoy sa pagkain na talagang na-enjoy ko...eh naging singer-singeran din ako nung nyt na yun. Hehe. (adik lang talaga) Sayang wala akong picture. Hingi na lang ako at i-share ko dito sa blog kung meron.

Na-stress ako honestly...hehe. Pero I wont say details here. And the bestfriend knew it. Sarap batukan talaga! Haha! Anyways...continue ko na lang kwento...

Umalis ako dun ng almost 2am na... Antok at hilo. haha! Pero...it was the end of that night. It was a happy celebration. :)

Gusto ko lang itake note na...ang sasaya at ang kakalog kasama ng mga ka-climb tropa ni bestfriend. And I miss highschool batchmates. Ang galing pa rin ni joviliza kumanta. I remember her singing sa mga programs namin at lahat ng school events. Galing galing! Saludo ako talaga sa kanya! Tiklop ang lahat ng musicality at vocal chords ng mga tao dun...hehehe! Galing talaga!

Yun na lang muna. Next topic: Ano ba ibig sabihin kapag FUTURISTIC ka?

You're simply the best Father! :)

2008-12-02T11:37:00.003+08:00

I have so many things to give thanks to our God. Who is the mightiest, the awesome God in the whole universe. :)

Lately kasi andami ko talaga wino-worry. Yung problem ko sa career, sa pamilya ko at sa sfc. Andami ko iniisip...pati ang paparating na pasko. Inaalala ko. Kung paano ko mabibili ito kasi i have given myself a deadline, i promised this item to my family and so on and so forth. Idagdag pa natin ang ating kanya-kanyang concern sa gastos sa Christmas...handaan, mga kamag-anak na makikipamasko, mga give-aways mga christmas ,parties na pupuntahan. Waaaa ang dami dami talaga. blpht!

I forgot to contemplate on things that really matters. Celebration siyempre ng birthday ni Jesus. The birth of our dear savior. Yun lang naman dapat yun eh. Period. Siyempre higit pa rin sa lahat ng mga gastos at worries natin for christmas, we as Christians should prepare ourselves for His coming. We should rethink our ways and prepare kung paano natin gagawin "present" ang sarili natin sa Kanya. We are all sinners but He the most holy God, accepted us...with all His unconditional love offered to us for FREE. Kung iisipin lang natin, yung mga bagay na ginawa nya para sa atin, ung love God has for us, ung paulit-ulit nyang pag-accept sa atin kahit na paulit-ulit din yung kasalanan...yun pa lang matutunaw ka na. You are weaken by His grace...like never before.

Thank God sa mga articles ko na nakapagpapremind sa akin kung ano talaga ang Pasko. I have so much worries. But indeed God made a way again to show me that I should enjoy this season with or without a Christmas tree, be happy on the things that I have, and be hopeful on His good plans He has for me. Simula pa lang ng December andami nya ng pre-Christmas gifts sa akin. And indeed those gifts are prayers na sinagot nya na hindi ko alam kung paano nya ginawa. Ito yung matagal ko ng prayers na inililigaw ko sa kanya. He is indeed a wonderful God. A God full of wisdom. A God who can make all things possible. Thank you Lord for answering my prayers.

Teka nga..bago kayo malito. Share ko sa inyo yung mga answered prayers ko:

1. I finally bought magic sing for my family last Friday night. Thank you pooooorrr credit card. haha! Indeed super enjoy ang family ko nung weekend.Idee is with that night. Idee also bought her new Canon Camera. Super saya ang lola. Finally maka-capture nya na ang every moments ni aqil...hehe. Aqil is the super cutestness son of idee. Ang gwapong bata nun. :)

Hehe. Tagal ko ng pinagpray ang magic sing na ito. As in last year pa ito pina-plan. FINALLY!!!! I bought the Wow Fiesta Magic Sing Fiesta Edition with DUET MIC pa, plus T5 (tagalog) chip yeah for only almost 12K. Yiheaaaaaaaaaaaah!

2. Siyempre isa sa mga answered prayers ko eh yung sa kapatid kong si Jean at si Karel. Nakakatuwa lang na yung isa finally kinakausap na ako (Jean). (Thank you PSP! Haha!) Yung isa naman finally umuwi na sa bahay after long istokwa days nya (Karel). (Super long story...) At siyempre yung pinaka-latest eh medyo nagkakaayos na rin ang parents ko. (After a long away at bati) Hehehehe. Hindi ba super merry ang Christmas namin? Salamat ng sobra Lord. Haha! Da best ka talaga. :)

3. At siyempre...kahit feeling ko na imposible na. I am still praying for the last one for the year today. Hmmn that..Hmmmn...the PROJECT. Sana. sana...maibigay na sa akin kung hindi this year, early first month of the next year. Hehe. (At may deadline? Haha!) SANA...PLS PLS.

4. At siyempre ung Digital SLR, Ipod Touch(malabo na ito...di na kaya...next story) at Dining table ni mama. :) And the Christmas pang-shopping ng family ko. (Haay...let me patiently wait for 13th month...pls... haha!)

5. As for me. I don't know yet. Hindi ko alam. Yung PROJECT naman na yun para rin sa knila na para rin sa akin. Pwede na yun. :) Yung mga dearly friends ko na lang ang aasahan ko. Hahaha! Sana maalala nila ako sa Pasko. Para I have something for myself. Hehehe! Calling AHEM...Friends? Haha!

God answered prayers. It may not be that fast. But surely His time is the perfect time unimaginagble to humans. :) Hindi ko tatanungin sa kanya kung paano Nya ginawa yun. Ang mahalaga...is He answered my prayers perfectly just the way I thought it would be answered. Amazing talaga!

I love you Lord. :) Super thank you talaga. Thanks in a million Father. You're simply amazing. You're simply the best Father! :) (NAKS...papalakas daw ba? Haha!)

My Grown-up Christmas 2008 Wishlist :)

2008-11-27T14:27:00.002+08:00

Sa totoo lang...hindi ko pa nararamdaman masyado ang Pasko. Even we have christmas decorations in the haws already... Wala pa rin. Siguro, kapag nakakarinig ng Christmas songs na gusto ko. And the Christmas shopping rush sa mga malls. Yeah...those things na nao-observe ko sa paligid ko...Yun pa lang...Pero bakit ganun...parang may hinahanap pa ako.

Andami nangyari this 2008. Sobra. And maybe...yes maybe we wont celebrating Christmas na kumpleto kami. Sad...pero I'm still hoping na maging kumpleto kami. Wala naman masama dun eh :)

Oh well I have my Christmas 2008 grown up wishlist...may ganun? hahaha! Sisimulan ko na.

1. My own/family car - sana at the end of the year of first month of next year.
2. Ipod Touch (16GB pero pwede na rin 8GB) - hehehe...thru CC (sana)
3. Wow Magic Sing for my family (bibilhin ko na mamaya cc din)
4. New set of Dining Table for my family
5. CANON/NIKON Digital SLR (akin to :) hahaha! pero baka on my birthday or first quarter next year)

Kung maibibigay ito ng mga taong may mabuting kalooban...Why not? hahaha! Pwede nyo siguro akong maging alipin for a week...hahaha! Kidding!

Pero seriously...(seryoso na raw tlaga) gusto ko ito matupad lahat. By hook or by crook.

In His will pa rin siyempre. So help me God. :)

Mga Iniisip ni Kangel :)

2008-11-24T17:35:00.003+08:00

What can I say? Things are all still the same. Been lutang lately. Pero ok na naman ako. Hehe.

Gusto ko lang ikwento yung nangyari sa akin kanina umaga. I've been reading a Christian book and I was really moved and touched by God's words. Kapag nata-touch pa naman ako...kahit nga song lang na marinig ko... naiiyak talaga ako. I can't stop it...At feeling ko kahit sinong tao...kapag naramdaman si Lord...will be weak but overwhelmed by the feeling that God really do understand you and love you. Ewan ko ba...my reaction was to cry at that moment. Nararamdaman ko He is speaking the real words I am reading on that book. At kahit para na akong ewan kanina...(papasok pa ako office) tears keep running down on my face. I feel His grace and I felt weak...and thankful. Yeah...I'm very thankful dahil He keeps on giving and offering His love and forgiveness sa akin...non-stop...pero ako...guilty as I am is not perfect...A sinner... I just thank the Lord for that very heartfelt experience. :)

Kamusta si kangel?

Ok naman ako. But lately...I've been weighing things. At dumating ako sa desisyon....na hahayaan ko muna ang Diyos mag-shape ng kung ano ang tama sa tamang panahon. I don't want to dwell on the current situation for now. Alam ko at positive ako na magbabago ito. I saw the work of God in each one of us dito...Dito sa office. alam ko...if God has reasons for whatever events that had happened here in the office. Those are good and best reasons. I'll just follow. Ako naman...I will just make use of the time wisely. I will try to learn somethign new each day.

Sa bahay naman, may current problem rin kami nidi-dwell. And the whole family is sad about it. We have all surrendered already...Ako talaga rin napagod na. Medyo uncontrollable na rin kasi sya. Nakakalungkot. Pero I just pray that whether where she is right now...Lord keep her safe. And sana ma-realize nya na we love her so much. I believe that one day...she will be back with all the lessons leared sa experience na ito.

Oh well. How is he? I saw them (my ex-p and the sis sa SFC) with my both eyes. I'm happy for them...kahit walang gustong maniwala...haha! I hope all good things sa relationship nila :P

I am really thinking...after International Conference kung magle-leave muna ako sa SFC. Dinidiscern ko pa. Concentrate ako sa pagiging lector ko. Wala lang...bigla ko lang naisip.

Bye...baka may imeet ako...pero kung wala sya...uuwi na lang ako..hehehe :P

Megan Fox as Wonder Woman?

2008-11-11T11:49:00.003+08:00

She has all the right to be Wonder Woman.

A new website has revealed an image of Megan Fox in the role of Wonder Woman.

The image, at the website www.wonder-who.com, shows the 22-year-old Hollywood babe clad as the Amazon warrior princess.

Lucy Lawless was offered the role and actually turned it down. It was also announced in a false rumor that Kate Beckinsale got the part. But according to JoBlo.com, Warner Brothers has issued a denial, insisting that no such movie is planned.

It’s caused some debate and curiosity but has generally been dismissed as bogus, though no one knows the purpose of the site.

The comic book origin of Wonder Woman is based on ancient Greek stories of the Amazons, who were said to have lived in Themiscyra at the mouth of the river Thermodon - this is today’s river Terme in northern Turkey, near the shore of the Black Sea.

I think she would be a better Wonder Woman than Beyonce.

- news from Daily Contributor.

Not meant for me :)

2008-11-10T12:20:00.003+08:00

I got a very sad news. What a start of a first morning of the week. Hehe.

I was not chosen to go to Singapore. But I'm happy most of my colleagues will go.

Hindi lang siguro kami nagkaintindihan no? hahaha!

Anyways. Life has to move on. Maybe sabi ko nga sa mga status ko. God has better plans. And He wants me to stay here because He wants me to do something first here. And Your will be done Lord. :)

Nalulungkot lang talaga ako...Kaya nga di ba sabi ko..VERY SAD NEWS. A part of me is saying that I really want to go and be part of the prestigious project. Siguro for experience na rin. But well... I don't know what went wrong. I will definitely honestly say...I am not OK right now. But I will feel better soon. And it will start RIGHT NOW.

Oh well.... God knows what is the best for me. And of course I trust Him my life.

It is their lost...not mine...JOKENESS! Haha!

Work mode ulet :P

P.S. Is this a sign of changing plans?

Masakit pero totoo....(a repost)

2008-11-06T14:11:00.000+08:00

THE TRUTH HURTS. A MUST READ FOR ALL FILIPINOS

'The Philippines is a nation of starstruck ignoramuses'

by Dero Pedero Of Philippine Star

Last July 23, I wrote about Nasty (short for Anastacio), a

balikbayan from Los Angeles , who, while vacationing in

Manila , had nothing to say but negative comments about the

Philippines and the Filipinos. The article elicited a deluge

of comments from our readers. Though some agreed with his

curt observations, most were enraged at the repulsive way he

acted and whined.

For me, he was the classic epitome of the 'crow perched

on a carabao,' thinking and acting nauseatingly superior

just because he has become an American citizen, inequitably

comparing everything here to how they are in the first

world. I was particularly irked by his repulsive 'know

it all' attitude and peeved no end by his irritating

Waray-American twang.

Those who have not read that article may access

philstar.com and click archives, then select July 23 and

click Life_style_. The article is en_title_d 'Little

Brown Americans.'

As a backgrounder, here is an excerpt:

The next day, I took them on a little city tour and

accompanied them to do extra shopping at the duty-free shop.

They were to leave two days later for their respective

provinces (Randy is from Pampanga, Nasty, from Samar ).

'God, ang dilem-dilem naman ditow (it is so dark

here)!' screamed Nasty in his characteristic Taglish

slang, 'At ang inet-inet pa (and so warm)! * * *

All throughout the day, Nasty complained about everything.

He griped that all Filipinos he encountered were dense and

inefficient (I hope that didn't include me!); that the

traffic was horrendous and drivers 'drove like they were

late for their funerals'; that the pollution from the

smoke-belching vehicles was irritating his dainty,

surgically-pinched nose. He was disgusted that water closets

didn't work; horrified that there was no toilet paper in

public toilets ('God, how do you people do it?' he

bewailed); petrified by street children begging while

soaking wet in the rain ('Where are the parents of these

kids?' he nagged).

He moaned about the proliferation of slums, people crossing

the superhighways ('There should be underground or

overhead walkways for pedestrians! ' he demanded), the

potholes on the streets, the disgusting garbage and filth

all over the city, and the annoying f loods! And all these

he observed in just one day!

Weeks after the publication of the article, I took

Nasty's silence to mean that of contempt and anger. I

must admit that I didn't care because I was really

turned off by his arrogance. The good news is, Nasty has

finally decided to break his silence and give us his side,

loaded with a big piece of his mind. The bad news is, he

hits more sensitive chords and it stings.

Nasty's E-Mail :

Dear Dero,

My Zen master says, 'Never fight fire with fire.'

So, I sat in a lotus position, imbibed the ethereal qualities

of cool mountain water and stoically resisted the temptation

of answering back to defend myself in rebuttal of your

article. I kept quiet while you and your readers had a

charlatan holiday, dissecting and fanning sarcasm on my

every comment about your country and your people.

I am not mad at you for writing that piece. I was never

upset at any point, even after your readers from all over

the world e-mailed in their two-cents' worth. In fact, I

found it rather amusing and carnival-like. I even felt happy

that people still came to the defense of your Philippines !

If you noticed, I now refer to the Philippines and

Filipinos as your country and your people. Every time I went

back there for vacation, my Filipino-ness always took the

better of me (blame those damn green mangoes smothered with

bagoong!) and made me forget that I am, in all reality, what

you aptly called a 'Little Bro wn American.' I have

come to terms with my own identity- I am, after all, an

American citizen carrying an American passport!

What precipitated my quick decision to sever my ties with

your country (aside from your ***** of an article) were the

Abu Sayyaf abductions (que barbaridad!) , the Payatas-like

downslide of the peso (eat your hearts out, I earn sweet

American dollars!), the 'devoid of conscience' graft

and corruption in your government (this has gone on for the

longest time-how shameful!), and lately, the stupid

'Juetengate' and juicy but enraging

'Boracay' mansion gossips. With all these, who would

be proud to be a Filipino? Besides, to tell you frankly,

those Erap jokes are no longer funny- they are passe and

leave a bad taste in the mouth and heart.

No Apology

If I sounded brash and insensitive with the way I threw my

comments, well, I cannot do any-thing about that because

that is the way I am, and I offer no apology. Here, in

America , you have to tell it like it is or you'll never

be taken seriously. I have learned to drop my 'Pinoy

sugarcoating' because out here, you get nothing done if

you are meek and sweet and pa-api. Hindi puwede mag-Anita

Linda dito!

When I commented about your pollution, street children

mendicants, slums,potholes, toilets that don't work,

garbage, floods, and most of all, the Pinoys' chronic

lack of discipline, I was merely putting into words what I

saw. I can't blame your being blind about your

country's situation. My Zen=2 0master says, 'One

cannot easily see the dirt in one's eye.'

I am sure though that you are aware of those sordid

details, but have grown accustomed to them (like most

Manile?s have). All the complaints I aired may have hurt

your pride but what I wanted you to realize is this: The

things I pointed out are all symptoms of a failing, falling

nation!

Suffering A National Karma?

Could yours be a country cursed with a huge national karmic

debt? It could be payback time, you know. Look back into

your history, look deep inside your hearts-what could you

have done as a nation to deserve this fiasco you are in

today?

What you are faced with didn't just happen overnight-it

developed and grew into a monster in the course of time.

Deeply imbedded in the psyche of the Filipino is the

amalgamation of the characters and events that have impacted

your lives - Dona Victorina, Dona Concepcion, poor Sisa as

well the other hilarious and tragic characters of Dr. Jose

Rizal...

Stonehill... the notorious gangsters immortalized by your

Filipino movies like Asiong Salonga (hmmm!), et al...the

killers in your (I thought they'd never end!) massacre

movies...those cheap, appalling _title_s of your

movies...those staged 'religious miracles' that your

naive masses believed...family men with pushy queridas

(mistresses) ...your crooked politicians, undependable

police officers and greedy customs collectors.. .your

bribe-hungry court judges...Imeldific, gloriously smiling

and crying at the same time, bejeweled. (How very Fellini!)

What you are is the sum total of your history, your

heritage and culture,your education, the crap that your

press sensationalizes, the bad icons that your movies

glorify, the artificial values your advertising extols, the

bad examples your leaders and role models project. What you

feed your country's mind is what it becomes. You have

become the ugly monster that you've created. You are now

crying all the tears your sickeningly sentimental movies

wailed out for years and years!

Your Biggest Fault

If there is one thing that comes to mind, I think your

biggest fault would be your individual greed. 'Ako

muna!' seems to be the national mantra. The trouble is,

very few people think for the common good in a deplorable

'to each his own kurakot' festival. Coupled by your

crab mentality of pushing down others, this can be fatal.

You think barangay, not national. Hello, everybody else

around the world is thinking global! Europe is unshackling

her national boundaries while you are building fences around

your nipa huts.

Do yourselves a favor and look at your nation as a ship.

All of you are in it and it is sinking! Realize your

oneness-what hurts your brother hurts you, too. Think about

the future of your children and the succeeding generations,

and do something about it quick before your poor little

banca plunges forever into the irretrievable depths of

despair.

Star-Struck Nation

You are a nation of star-struck ignoramuses. You are easily

awed by your mo vie stars who are usually nothing but

uneducated, aquiline- nosed and light-skinned ********

picked up from some gutter somewhere. I have seen what these

artistas illusionadas can get away with. They just flash

their capped-tooth smiles and policemen let them get away

with traffic violations; they bat their false eyelashes and

customs officers impose no duty on their suspicious

balikbayan boxes.

Worst of all, with the Filipino movie industry taking a

nosedive, hordes of actors and show personalities went into

politics. It is, as they say, the next best

'racket'-there is more money to be made in the

politicking business than in show business! (And what is

this I hear that in the coming elections, more are jumping

into the arena? Mag-hara-kiri na kayo!) How can you expect

these comedians and actors, who only know how to take

directions from their directors, to direct your nation? For

them,politics will just be an 'act'. No big surprise

here, for they are mere actors with no original _script_s to

speak, no original visions to share. So what can you expect

but a government thatis a comedy of errors. Serves you and

your star- struck nation right!

My Zen master says, 'Give unto Caesar what is due to

Caesar, but keep Charlie Chaplin on the silver screen to

make us laugh.' To survive, you must teach your

citizenry to say no to three things - no to drugs, no to

stealing and graft and corruption, and no to artistas in

politics. I hope you've learned your lesson by now.

(Yours is the onl y country where Mexican soap stars are

received like royalty in the presidential palace. How

shoddy! God forbid-Fernando Carrillo might end up being your

next president. At least he has great abs and doesn't

wobble like a penguin when he walks!)

For those artistas who honestly believe that they can make

a positive difference in the Filipino masses' life, they

must first study law, business and public administration,

and immerse themselves in the life and passion of Mother

Teresa. Politics is not an art for dilettante artistas to

dabble in. It is called 'Political Science,' hello?!

Educate Your Masses

Educate the masses - especially your electorate. What you

need is an intelligent vote aside from, of course,

intelligent candidates. The University of San Carlos in Cebu

City , founded in 1595, and the University of Santo Tomas in

Manila , established in 1611, are the oldest universities in

Asia , and are even older than Harvard. But the standard of

Pinoy education has deteriorated so much that the

Philippines ranks among the poorest in the educational

hierarchy of Asia . Education, education, education â¤"

that' s what you need in this age of information,

information, information.

If all your social, religious and political sectors

don't sit down now and decide to take the Right Way ,

the Philippines and your children's children will be

grand losers in the worldwide rush to the future. Education

is one sure way to salvation. Teach what is right, good,

beautiful and beneficial. Downplay all negativity if you

cannot eliminate it altogether.

The Ideal President

I've got news for you. (As if you didn't already

know.) No matter whom you put up there as your leader or

president, it will be the same banana. Even a holy man can

turn into another J.E. (Judas Escariot) for a few pieces of

silver. Kumpares, alalays, relatives and cronies will

encrust like flies and maggots on his cordon sanitaire. And

it will be the same despicable 'Sa amin na 'to!'

hullabaloo all over again.

Take an advice from Aling Epang: 'Pumili ng matanda,

mayaman, mabait, at madaling mamatay.' Get a president

who is old - so that he is full of wisdom, rich - so he

won't need to steal more money, goodhearted - so he will

render heartfelt service to his people, and is in the sunset

of his life - so that he will think of nothing but gaining

good points to present when he meets his Creator. And may I

add: At iisa lang ang pamilya! This is, of course, asking

for the moon. Just pray fervently for an intelligent leader

with a pure heart who genuinely loves the common tao!

Magpakatotoo Kayo! Wake up and look at the real you. Enough

with looking at your reflection in glorious,

self-embellishing mirrors. The tropical sun can play tricks,

you know. Do not wait for darkness to fall before you take

that much-needed long, hard look at your real situation.

Magpakatotoo kayo, ano? This isn't a wake-up call - it

is the final alarm!

Save the ship while yo u still can. Don't wait till

your people have no more dreams left to hang on to, no more

hope to sustain their broken spirits. I came home, spent my

penny-pinched savings so that even in the minutest way I

could help your bruised economy. Your politicians sit on

their fat, farting butts and get balatos (kuno!) in the

millions. Receivers are as guilty as the givers. Now, tell

me, who is really nasty?

I Have Made My Decision; So Should You.

My Zen master says, 'Life is all about decisions, not

choices.' I have made a decision which I know will be

very hard for me to keep- You will never hear from me again

(not in this vein) and I will not even think of visiting or

buwisiting your Manila ever. This is my way of letting you

know that I have given up on you. Bahala na kayo! Only you

can help yourselves because at the stage you are in, nobody

would want to help you. My Zen master says, 'You have to

fall to learn to rise again.'

How much lower do you want to go?

Anyway, regarding the Philippines as a tourist destination,

you have a lot of cleaning up and face-lifting to do before

foreigners would dare go to your islands again. The Abu

Sayyaf episode has done your tourism industry more damage

than you could ever imagine, and it will take a long time

before the world forgets. (By the way, your tourism projects

are lusterless and have no global impact. If you want real

business, spruce up your infrastructure and do aggressive

marketing on the World Wide Web!)

Of course, I would gladly reverse my decision if someone

offered me exclusive lordship over lotto, bingo, jueteng,

pintakasi and the jai alai.Think about it: this will be to

your advantage because I never give tong or blood commission

to anyone! (If only your president used the millions he

received from those gambling lords to build homes for the

masses, you wouldn't have any more squatters. Huling

hirit: defrost those Marcos billions, pay off some debt,

place the rest in high-yield investments, feed your hungry,

and spread bounty and joy to every Filipino! Are you stupid

or what? - That's your money sucked from the blood of

your people!)

My Zen master says, 'Vox populi is not always the

voice of God.'

Come over to L.A and I'll show you a great time!

Our friend Randy says hello! We will be going

to Vancouver to feast our eyes on the colors of autumn. Wish

you could join us.

The new Miss America , Angela Perez

Baraquio, is of Filipino ancestry. Dero, her parents hail

from Pangasinan just like you! But keep in mind that she is

an American (in case some wise fools over there claim her to

be Filipino like they always do whenever someone becomes

successful). Wait for the girl to say it don't put words in her mouth!

Mabuhay kayo ( SANA )!

Sa totoo lang, MAGD USA KAYONG LAHAT!

(Don't you just love my Waray-Kano accent?) He-he-he!

I have made my decision, now make yours. I would hate for

the day to come when I'd have to say, 'I told you

so!' Good luck! (You need it.)

An ex-Filipino

J. Anastasio

5 Good things

2008-10-28T12:16:00.002+08:00

Good things happen for a reason. God did make a way for it to happen.

Madami akong natanggap na blessings na gusto ko lang i-enumerate. And super thank you Lord dahil ina-allow nyo na matanggap ko ang mga blessings na ito.

1. Nakatanggap ako ng mga coloring books, at mga libre na pwede pang mareuse. Gagamitin ko itong pangregalo sa mga bata sa pasko. Natutuwa ako dahil nagawan ng paraan ni Sir Jun na maibigay sa akin ito. Salamat Sir Jun. (Hindi pa naman huli ang lahat pwede rin kayo magbigay sa akin. :D)

2. Good news from the boss. Ayus...sana matuloy at magtuluy-tuloy.

3. Sinagot na ang guy besfren ko ng nililigawan nyang girl...Ewan ko ba kung matutuwa ako...Pero happy naman ako for them hehe.....Selos friendship level lang tlaga ito...(Wushu?) Haha! But indeed...i will still count it as a blessing...Parehas ko kasing dear friends ang dalawang yun. Hehe...Siguro mamimiss ko lang ung mga attention ni guy besfren...But that's natural. :)

4. Ayoko sana sabihin pero...iba talaga yung feeling pag hinahawakan ng someone special (former man o at present) ang kamay mo. It bring thrills...hehe. Blesssing din...Sobrang bihira ko na kasi maramdaman yun eh.

5. My life is blessed as I feel that everyday...inaayos sya ng Diyos. I'm happy. :)

Stuck , Revived and Moving On

2008-10-23T10:52:00.003+08:00

Andami ng kaguluhan dito sa opisina. Pero sa kabila noon...tingin ko naman ay nasa equilibrium pa. :) My bosses remain I think to save it and continue on whatever resources we have. Ika nga...let us all move on from here. :)

Actually I'm bored. Wala pa projects. So petiks. So research research...Basa basa. That's my job. Nasa Research and Devt team naman kasi ako...Hehe.

Ang tagal ko na pala walang updates sa blog. Marami na rin nangyari. Nawalan ako ng isang friend. Hmmn or he forgot that I was his friend din. I don't know. That is the saddest part. Pero, masaya na rin ako. Dahil we did not end that traumatic. Medyo lang. Medyo hindi na lang nya ako kinausap. And from then...wala na. I still prayed na anuman ang pasukin nya...will succeed in God's will. Good luck Ray Ramos. I know pag nag-cross ang paths natin ulit...if ever man...batiin mo naman ako. Hehe...Ako kasi...iha-hi pa rin kita with all the high energy...hehe. Good luck sa work at sa restaurant mo. ;)

Hmmn ano pa ba? Ah ang SFC.

SFC's fine. Medyo bihira lang kami magkahawshold dahil di magkasundo ang mga sked namin. I still served in Gawad Kalinga at Villa Paraiso sa mga SIBOL kids. (Sibol kids ages 3-7 year old) Sa totoo lang...kakastress :P Pero worth :D dahil mas marami akong natutunan with them. I relearn to be a child again. To have that child-like faith. I learned how to be patient. In short mas nagma-mature ang views ko sa sarili ko sa kapwa ko...naks...hehe.

Pero kailangan ko rin maayos ang sked ko sa upper household ko....yun ang hindi ako nakaka-attend...gagawan ko ng paraan. Pramis. Natutuyo na ako eh. I need fellowship with my beloved sisters :P Miss sharing my stories and hearing their stories din.

Hmmmn I know you will all ask...si ex-lablyf sa SFC. He is doing fine. We are friends. He is maturing kahit papaano. He still insists na wala sila ni ka-MU. Oh well. Bahala na sya dun. I respect kung ganun gusto nyang setup.

Heto pa. Work.

Ok naman ang work ko. Kanina ko pa nga dinidiscuss ang work (first paragraph pa rin)...Medyo tengga lang. Wala akong direct instructions pa for the next task/project. Ang ginagawa ko lang ngayon ay mag-build ng portfolio para sa project plan next year. Nakakainip. Huhu...Pero this is work. I should love this(now this is a direct instruction...hehehe...) Will reap the harvest later....di ba? (Encourage yourself some more kangel...more more... hehe)

Hmmnnn ano pa? Family ko.

Ah gusto ko lang i-share yung isang answered prayer ko. Dumating na yung nag-stokwa kong sister sa bahay. And thank God we reconciled. Dati kasi parang iniisip ko na sobrang mahirap gawin yun. Pero still I know that God gave me that strength and wisdom...to understand and forgive. He gives the perfect scenario talaga. Kasi naman...kagagaling ko lang nung mass. hehe...tapos dumating sya. And my mama asks me to fix everything between me and my sister. Ayun...feeling ko nitouch din ni Lord ang heart ng kapatid ko by that time. I know she missed us. The air is so perfect for reconcilliation. My mama cried. Natuwa siguro. (FYI lang...ung sister ko ung nagalit sa akin...Nagalit din ako before...pero di nagtagal un.)

Isa na lang ung pinagppray ko. In his will I believe mangyayari yun. All things are possible with Him. :)

Ayun...I will have a date with besfren later.

And I hope makapag TL na kam ni michelle. At makapag-coffee solo-date pero kasama ko naman si Lord... Need to rethink some decisions to make in the future. :)

Alright.. ;) chao time. lunch na :)

Intikam strikes again...a client site hacked....grrr!

2008-10-13T11:06:00.004+08:00

Nakakainis talaga.....Sigh...Bakit ba kasi walang magawa ang mga hackers na ito kung hindi mambwisit ng buhay... Malaki ang respeto ko sa mga kapatid natin Muslim...Pero why do they need to be like these. One client website is hacked...At heto ang display ng site.

HaCKeD By_İntiKaM & EgemeN & bady_boys

------------------------------------------------------------------------
This site hacked for all of the Turks And Muslims
We shame on you for your disrespect to our Prophet Hz.Muhammed(s.a.v)
Don't forget,we are saying Hz. to your Prophet
but you are insulting to our prophet
Certainly Jesus is hating to you
Allah's curse will be on you
Than i am the curse of you on the Cyber World
------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Türkçe
Bu Site Bütün MÜSLÜMAN ve TÜRKLER Adına Hacklenmiştir.
Peygamber Eefendimiz HZ. MUHAMMED (s.a.v)'e Yaptığınız Oyunu Kınıyoruz.
Unutmayın Biz Sizlerin Peygamberine HZ Sıfatı İle Hitap Ediyoruz.
Sizler İSLAM'ın Yüce PEYGAMBERİNE Hakaret Ediyorsunuz.
Hiç Şüpesiz HZ. İsa Sizin Gibi Ümmetten Sizin Gibi Milletten Nefret Ediyordur.
ALLAH (c.c.)'nin Laneti Üstünüze Olsun.
Sanal Alemdeki Lanetinizde Benim.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

This Turkish Hack | This Muslim Hacker
By_intikam@live.nl

Oh di ba?

I am currently investigating this issue. Sigh..Nasa-sad ako na naiinis eh...Sana magawa na rin ng paraan. Kalurky tlaga. Ang hula ko...which usually nangyayari...

Remote Scripting is the process by which a client-side application running in the browser and a server-side application can exchange data without reloading the page.

If you're not clear on exactly what this means, think of the ever-present JavaScript image swap (you've coded one of those, haven't you?). In an image swap, your client-side code requests new data from the server to be displayed on the web page; in this case the request made to the server is for a new image with which you wish to replace an existing image. But what if you could ask the server for something other than an image? What if you could request a block of text? And what if your request could be more than a simple call for data? What if you could submit form data back to the server, have the server process that data and respond with an appropriate message? Of course, all of these things are already possible by relying on page reloads, but remote scripting allows complex interaction with the server that appears as seamless to the user as a simple image swap.

Lungkot :(

Oh sya work ulit.

God's promise to be fulfilled.

2008-10-10T14:15:00.003+08:00

And yeah...when everything seems to be alright now. Nakakatuwa. May mga nawala...pero may mga dumating. God is indeed the best God. He knows kung nahihirapan ka na masyado. At masyado mo ng pinapatay ang sarili sa pag-iisip at pagtatrabaho.. Siya na mismo ang kukuha sa iyo ng bagay na binigay nya. And I believe sya rin ang magbibigay ng bagay na mas higit pa sa nawala.

And indeed....He is really concerned about the details of our lives...He is indeed living and present sa lahat ng situation ng buhay natin.

For now I am pressured of getting something for my family before the year ends. Sana makuha ko tlaga sya. At alam ko na wala ng makakapagbigay nun kundi si Lord din. Hopefully in His will, it will all happen.

:)

Conflicts and Confusions

2008-10-06T14:19:00.002+08:00

May mga kailangan akong pagdesisyunan lately. Naguguluhan ako.

O sige na nga...aaminin ko...may kasalanan ako sa isang tao. Guilty ako ngayon. Eh kasi naman ung mode ng email ng lolo mo...talaga naman makukusensya ka esp yung sa dulong part. Haha! (hindi ko pwedeng i-share sa inyo ang email sorry).

Nagawa ko yun unintentionally. Masyado akong pre-occupied ng thoughts ko sa trabaho. Nagkasabay-sabay pa sa mga issues na yan. Maraming issues. Nafed up ako. Na-stress ako. And all of these things came (which he said in the email)...unnoticeably...

Ngayon hindi ko alam ang gagawin. Dati kasi buong-buo paniniwala ko...pero parang ngaun... He has his faults too...Pero yeah..it all points to me. And in the end it is my fault. It is all my fault.

I was sad this whole day. But I can't be like this. Kailangan kong magdecide. To be fair with him.

Lord, please help me. All things are possible with You.

Singles for Christ Sunvalley Chapter

2008-09-30T14:21:00.004+08:00

this is a late post. just wanna share these pics from my laptop. kakalat kalat lang....:P miss bros and sisses. Pictures from SFC Christian Life Program - Lord's Day :)

Labustro.com version 2.0 soon!

2008-09-30T14:06:00.001+08:00

UP professors' quotable quotes

2008-09-30T11:30:00.000+08:00

from my spcm1 (comm3) prof, sir navera to my classmate who kept looking at this pretty classmate: "you know, if you really wanted to pass this class, you have to appreciate real beauty... so look here in front rather than your seatmate's low neckline.."

prof jimmy williams from cem: "kung iu-uno nyo subject na 'to, mapupunta kayo sa World Bank at CitiBank NY... pag tinake 2 mo nmn, pwede ka ng maging congressman. .." (referrring to now Senator Miguel Zubiri)

Prof Dwight Diestro: "I am a liar... if you believe me, you'll go to hell.. "

"The aim of policy making is to invoke action! Because action speaks
louder than words! You do not just say I love you. You say: If you
love me, enter me! "
- Dr. Alfonso Pacquing

"Class, next week na lang ung result sa exam nyo. I am having a hard
time checking it. I will seek first the divine guidance on what to do
about it. Class dont worry about your grade. Let me worry about it."
- Sir de jesus, envi sci 1

(valentines day)
"Ano ba yan? Students ba kayo ng UP? Bakit ang bababa ng scores niyo?
Siguro wala kayong date ngayong valentines kaya ganito kayo. Losers!!!
When i was your age i had a date. Hindi ba naapektuhan ng UP FAIR
euphoria ng grades niyo? Parang di kayo masaya..."
(sabay matching tapon ng quizzes sa sahig)
"I won't record this. Go find a date."
(sabay walk out.)
- Sir Doliente, BA

Ma'am: Many people believe that we, psychology graduates can read minds...
(silence)
Actually, we can.
Class: Weh.. Sample..
Ma'am: Right now, you think that I'm bluffin
- Ma'am Chei Billedo, Psych

"I don't give surprise long exams. all exams are announced. Halimbawa,
Class, mageexam tayo, NGAYON NA!"
- Ma'am Chei

"The human body is 70% water. Kaya wala kayong kasaysayan lahat. Pag
may kaaway ka, sabihin mo sa kanya, TUBIG KA LANG!!!
- Dr. Recio

"Oo, nagpapaulan ako ng uno... baket? aanhin ko ba nun? di naman ako
yayaman dun."
- Sir Atoy Navarro, histo I

(commenting on a thesis of a senior student)
'Yang thesis mo? .. Mamamatay ka!! Mamamatay ka!!'
- Dr. llanes, UPM.

"Nasa bandang gilid ang fallopian tube. Kaya kung gusto niyong
magka-anak ng asawa niyo, dapat nakatagilid kayo habang gumagawa."
- Ma'am Meggie, Zoo 10

"Last sem was the first time that I gave a grade of 5, and it felt good!!!"
Prof Goldie, Comm II, circa 1998, first day of class

atheist ako, pero pag nasa bahay, nagro rosary kami ng Nanay ko, eh
kung magalit sa kin yun.
- Socio 11 Prof

"you do not fall in love; you rise in love. That's how you love rationally."
- Dr. FG david

"Try to die! Try to die!"
- sir billones, on a student who is palpitating while taking the exam.
He claims that after incident refreshed na lagi yung estudyante. If I
know, pag naaalala ng estudyanteng yun yung moment na yun, kaya siya
laging refreshed, kasi natatawa siya pag naaalala niya iyon.

"Anong molars? You don't say molars because it is an adjective! Do you
say beautifuls?"
- ma'am ilao, to a student who said "n molars"

"Kahit magpakamatay ka pa di mo masasagot yang problem set na yan
dahil pang-157 (phy chem II) yan!"
- ibid

"Do not memorize! Analyze!"
- doc nic, advising us, her students never to memorize reaction mechanisms

"Kaya nga ideal eh, hindi siya nangyayari sa totoong buhay. Pero an
approximation is good enough"
- sir engle, on ideal and real systems

"Don't take the BAR and yourselves too seriously. baka mabalitaan
nalang namin na nag-o-oral summation kayo sa Luneta. O
lumulutang-lutang sa Pasig River. Enjoy yourselves, relax, and read at
least 15 hours a day. Nakakabobo ang sobrang tulog. MAg relax ka
habang nagbabasa. Magrelax habang nagmi-memorize. "

"Pag nananaba ka sa oras ng exams, ibig sabihin di ka papasa."

"Oh the BAR isn't scary. It's terrifying. It might even kill you."

and the unforgettable: "Wow. Rape-able." and "Stand up Miss ___ so
that I might see the contours of your body."

alternately encouraging and disheartening ang drama nitong prof na'to.

Ito naman from our Prof. Ancient:
"Mga engineers? Nako. Bihira pumapasa sa BAR."

"UP ka nag-undergrad? Bright ka ba?"

"Sa mga taga-UP lang ako bilib eh. Pagpasok nila sa lawschool, hindi
sila disoriented. Bilib ako sa study habits na meron yang mga batang
yan. Some of them look like they eat kamote thrice a day, pero ang
utak, di ututin!" (ewan ko kung matutuwa ako dito o hindi)

sabi ng aming dean who is 80 yrs old, "class you're laughing now, but
i will predecease you all"

prof: O, meron na bang nakapunta sa inyong XXX
class: (tahimik)
prof: (medyo nadisappoint) Ano?! Puro na lang ba kayo aral? Aral na
lang kayo ng aral, ha? Wala na kayong napupuntahan kakaaral niyo!

same prof: Nakita niyo na ba ang Hoover dam?
class: (tahimik uli)
prof: Hehehehe, ang yabang ko talaga!

Second day of classes
Same Prof: (kinuha ang box ng colored chalks) Ano ba naman ito...
(tapos iniitsa sa lamesa yung mga dark colored chalks)
class: (tahimik na nagmamasid)
Prof: Class, sulatan niyo ang manufacturer ng chalk na ito, at
sabihing tanggalin na ang mga walang kwentang kulay na ito.... brown,
green, violet. hindi makikita ito sa board. Convince them
class: (tahimik at gulat)
Prof: and .25 incentive sa final grade niyo!

terror prof after an exam (last day na din ng class..): ok class.. see
you next sem!

"Ateneo is not a university, it's a diploma mill. Bakit ba nakangiti
pa mga estudyante dyan kapag lalabas sila ng gate nila, hindi ba nila
nalalaman ang nami-miss nila sa edukasyon?"

"The more wisdom you obtain, the more you shut your mouth. This is
because the more that you learn, the more you realize that there are
even more things that you do not know. The true mark of an idiot is a
loudmouth, the true mark of a wise man is humility"
- Paraphrased galing kay PI100.

"IE? Di naman engineering yun e"
-Thesis adviser

Classmate: Ma'am, pwede po bang next week na kami mag report?
Ma'am: Alam mo, God is good. And I am God. So yes, pwede next week.

galing kay sir U eliserio during creative writing class...
"try everything once except incest"

and one day pumasok ng room, galit na galit. hinagis ang bag sa table,
nagwawala sa harap ng room dahil hindi daw nasagot ng previous class
niya ang question niya. kaya dapat daw masagot namin, ang makasagot
may plus points. kapag walang makasagot, lagot kami. ang tanong....
"class, sinong lalaking artista dun sa TV show na wonder years"?

"Mamatay na mangopya..."
saka
"Ang hindi maka-100, bobo!".

"im gay. so gay i could show you my penis because it is but an
accessory to my body"
- jean navera, spcm1

FIRST DAY OF CLASSES: "Kung may boyfriend o girlfriend kayo na hindi
taga-UP, hiwalayan niyo na agad. Walang pupuntahan yan. Hindi kayo
magkaka-intindihan. Tapos yung mga anak niyo, magiging bobo. Gusto
niyo ba yun?"

ANOTHER PROF: "Hoy girls, wag kayong kukuha ng boyfriend dito sa UP.
Pare-parehas tayong mahirap dito. Kumuha kayo ng mayaman. 80% of the
child's intelligence comes from the Mother naman eh. Kayo guys, wag
kayo kukuha ng bobong babae. Kahit matalino kayo, magiging bobo anak
niyo."

"Class, Chinatown is not in China. And Ateneo de Manila University is
not... a university."

STUDENT: Sir, pwede po magpa-sit in yung friends ko?
PROF: From what school are they?
STUDENT: St. Scho po.
PROF: "Go ahead. So they'll realize what they're missing. St. Scho,
St. Scho... eskwelahan na ba yun sa inyo?!"

sa PHILO:
"I THINK THEREFORE I AM FROM UP!"

"Class, kaya mahal ang bayad sa mga professors sa ibang school kasi
ang bobobo ng mga estudyante dun. Dyuskoh, I used to teach there... at
lumuluha talaga ako ng dugo bago maintindihan ng mga students yung
sinasabi ko. Ang mahal nga ng bayad, magkakasakit ka naman sa panga
kakaulit ng lessons! Wag na lang! Dito na ko sa UP, at least
nagkakaintindihan tayo. Diba?"

Dahil kami ang mga huling estudyante ni Dr. David at mahal na mahal
namin siya, nag-compile kami dati ng mga quotable quotes mula sa
kanya. Ito ang ilan:
"Meanings we find are the meanings we make."
"WHAT YOU LEARN IN UP IS TO GO ON AND NEVER GIVE UP. THAT IF THERE BE
ONE PERSON LEFT STANDING, LET IT BE ME. LET ATENEO FALL FIRST BEFORE
UP..."
"The measure of a man is how many doors he has opened to other people,
especially to those he doesn't know."
"To be born is to die. In between they grow and multiply like flies.
6.2 billion people in the world. Kadiri, ano?"
"Why not life? Why call it soul? Call a spade a spade."
"Earth is the only heaven we can know."
"religion is a successful economic institution"
"Do not live long enough to be worthless."
"Domestication of the human male is one of the greatest achievement of
the human race."
"I do not know many. I only know enough to teach my classes."

"We do not accept anyone here in class except for those who are
members of a certain minority group. For example, gays are part of a
minority group, bakla ka ba? If you admit to this class that you are
gay, then I'll admit you"
- Prof "hail to the chair", to a guy student na nagpre-prerog

"kapatid ng sinungaling ang magnanakaw.
"ergo, gma's marriage to mike arroyo is null and void ab initio."
consti law class, 1st sem, AY 2005-06

"running for summa ka? mapapagod ka lang."

"Si Miriam, crush ko 'yun dati. Muntikan na maging kami, kaso nasiraan
ng ulo, kaya 'yun, iba ang asawa ko."

"Class, gusto ko kayong i-train na mag-English, so when you're here in
class, magsalita kayo ng English! Ako lang ang exempted dahil matanda
na ako at ako ang teacher!"

Ma'am Vitriolo (2nd to the last meeting)
Okay class, next week, we start the lecture proper.

more of Ma'am Ilao
"Hindi mahirap makakuha ng UNO sa class ko. yung gumradweeeyt last
year na Magna Cum Laude ng Biochem, uno siya sakin sa Chem 18"

Sabi ng Prof ko dahil may kaklase akong recite ng recite w/o raising her
hand
"I think this is the first time i have a student w/ tourette in my class..."
Recite parin ng recite yung student
"Wow the ejaculatory comments just don't stop!"

from my socsci1 prof last sem: "Birds of the same feather FLOCK
together...don' t forget the L".

"I'll strangle you, strangle you really hard, smack right in your
jugular (pause ng mga 5 seconds), you do know where your jugular is?"

"Be ready with your speech because I am going to lambaste you!"
-namutla nalang yung classmate kong freshie after hearing sir navera
sa spcm 1 namin

'bakit parang napakaligaya ng klase niyo? maging sad naman kayo, 5
mins.' - prof ko sa math 100.

"well of course when you sell your soul you have to make an elaborate
justification to make yourself feel good."
-Sir Walden Bello, Socio 127, this sem
^grabe ang galing ni sir bello. nakakaamaze.

"ano bang natapos mo? italian 8?"

"punyetissima! " (sosyal pati mura italian!)

"look at me i'm 433 years old pero ang lakas lakas ko pa. eh kung
walang gulay eh di kakain na lang ako ng damo. kung wala eh di tubig,
kung wala mag-ipon na lang ako ng laway."
-Sir Tiamson, Italian 11, this sem

When you graduate, then you begin to live.
-Dr. Carmen Jimenez, Psych 118

from Prof Soresca in my spanish 1 class
Prof:"Mr. Gatbunton, why are you late?!"
Student:"Sorry Mam, galing pa ako Las Pinas."
Prof: "Ladies, don't marry somebody from Las Pinas because they have
bamboo organs!!"

"there are only two countries who still use Fahrenheit.. the United
States of America and Liberia... a pathetic country in africa"
- Sir Argete

Marx is more Christian than Christ and Christ is more Marxist than Marx.
- Sir Lanuza.

May kaklase ako, may jowang taga Ateneo
"Ateneo? How could you love someone from the Ateneo? "

sa geol11, ayaw mag-recite ng mga classmates ko..
sabi ni ma'am cathy
"wag na mahiya, you have nothing to lose but your face.."

si sir agapito..habang 2nd exam at malakas ang ulan..
"ang lakas ng ulan, ayos yan at least hindi halata pag umiiyak.."

Class: Sir, sa exams po ba nagbibigay kayo ng partial points?
Prof: Hmm, if I see partial wisdom.

"It's okay to smoke inside my class. As long as you don't breathe it
out." -Dr. Obsioma, Biodiversity

"Oh, this is good. It's poetic because it's perfectly stupid." -
Ricardo de Ungria last week on my classmate's work.

Prof: Did I remind the class last meeting that we're going to have an
exam today?
Class: (dead air)
Prof: Ok, it seems I forgot to remind the class that we're going to
have an exam today. I'm giving you five minutes then to buy a
bluebook. We're going to have an exam today.

sir tiamson (span 11)
"ayan, di ka makasagot. yung bakal sa ngipin mo naapektuhan na yung
pagsasalita mo"

from an email. thanks guys. :P Miss UPLB!!! :)

Bad Day... Bad Experience...

2008-09-26T10:34:00.002+08:00

i have been feeling bad all day. I don't know why. But I hate this feeling. Sana mawala na rin ito. Siguro dahil na rin sa period ko kaya ako sobrang masungit at walang pasensya sa mga bagay bagay.

Napagdiskitahan ng makulit kong utak ang experience ko last nyt. Well may mga kameet akong tao. Tingin ko kahit medyo mas madalas kaming mag-usap sa business...it's all about business pag kasama ko sila. I thought I meet friends in them. Pero parang dapat babaan ko ang expectation ko sa kanila talaga. Dahil siguro magkakaiba talaga kami ng upbringing. Iba ang values na nakalakhan. So I must understand them...kung hindi parati na lang akong makakaramdam ng ganitong inis.

Sa meeting na yun I'm the only girl at first. Pero bago matapos ang gabing yun may dumating na rin kasama kong babae.

Sa totoo lang...hindi ko kailanman nagustuhan ang mga taong ungentleman. Yun ang trait naman na sobrang nagugustuhan ko sa mga boys na kakilala ko. At sobrang kinaiinisan naman sa mga lalaking sobrang insensitive talaga. Naisip ko na ang pagiging "GENTLEMAN" o yung pagkakaroon ng tamang respeto at concern sa babae ay isang trait na pinapakita ng mga lalaki sa mga babae of all ages....pangit man o maganda, mayaman man o mahirap, sikat na modelo o office girl katulad ko. Dati ang tingin ko sa trait na ito..."in born", yung kasama na nung pinanganak sila. Pero natutunan ko na hindi pala ito "in born" sa pagdami ng mga boys na kakilala ko. Andami ko ngayon ka-close na boys,meron din casual meetups lang. So far wala pa akong worst experience. Yung kagabi lang. Pero ito ang wish ko talaga ngayon....

Sana hindi na ako makaranas na basta na lang iwan sa sobrang malakas na ulan na solo ako, meron akong dalang laptop at past 12 am na. Mukha akong basang sisiw talaga. First time kong ma-treat ng ganun. :(

Five thoughts ni kangel

2008-09-22T14:52:00.002+08:00

Inaantok ako...kaya nagbablog ako para magising. Sighness...Marami akong bagay na iniisip ngayon...na actually hindi ko problema....Problema ng mga kaibigan ko. Well...sige na nga...oo na meron din ako isang thought na hindi maalis-alis sa utak ko.

1. My guy bestfriend has finally broke up with his girlfriend. That's sad...esp sa babae. Babae rin ako. Siraulo kasi itong besfren ko...I can't believe he did that. But I don't know. You can't force love...Na-fall out na raw sya. Shucks....ganun ba tlaga yun? Hindi ko alam...Never been into a 5 years relationship?!!!

2. And then a very tiring but fulfilling sunday again with SIBOL kids at GK site with guy bestfren. Na-stress out sya. haha! But I'm glad hearing him say he is still interested mag-volunteer ulit.

3. SFC brod is asking a lot kay guy bestfren. Well...tingin ko nagselos...haha! Assuming kung assuming.. pero wala...oo...80% itong kutob ko. Haha! Or either way...crush nya ang sira ulo kong guy besfren...haha..OMG!

4. Our company has undergone so many resignations lately. Sa totoo lang...sigh...wala akong masabi pa. Sana malampasan na rin ito ng company.

5. It was Papa's birthday celebration yesterday. Pero birthday nya pa nung Sept 20...I bought his cake....at tuwang tuwa ang lolo mo...hahaha! Thank God for another year for my papa. Wish him good health and stronger faith. Happy birthday papa! I'm so proud ikaw ang papa ko. :) God bless!

So these were the thoughts...not important...But hey...oks lang nakibasa ka lang naman...haha. Joke!

Work na.

UP: 100 Years of Kayabangan (Repost) by Chalk

2008-09-17T10:26:00.002+08:00

Got this from an email. Reposting. Natuwa kasi ako...hahaha! Enjoy.

Name it at meron ang U.P. Pati na rin ang source ng lahat ng masasarap na pagkain na makukuhanan ng sakit--fishballs, squidballs, kikiam, isaw, A.D.I.D.A.S (paa ng manok), bilog, tenga, balun-alunan, kwek-kwek, Mang Jimmys, Rodics,Beachhouse, at ang ever famous CASAA - na ngayon ay downloadan na ng mga mp3, at mpeg na bomba.

Kung ikukumpara mo sa mga ibang schools, sa U.P. mo makikita ang pinakabulok na systema kapag registration (ooops, may CRS na pala--copuntrzd regtrn) at ang pinaka mahihirap at mahahabang subjects. U.P. System ang tawag dahil maraming campuses all over the Philippines.

Nandyan ang U.P.Diliman, ang pinakamalaking school sa Pilipinas.
Sa sunken garden maraming milagrong nagyayari tuwing gabi. Sa sobrang laki pa ng campus, pwede kang magtayo ng house and lot at di ka pa masisita ng admin.

Sa U.P. Manila, nagkalat ang mga konyito at konyita. Airconditioned pa daw ang classrooms nila! Pampered! Andun ang pinakasosyal na UP building, ang UP Robinsons ( RobinsonsMall) . Nandoon din ang P.G.H., kaya kahit masaksak ka habang nag-aabang ng jeep kapag ginabi sa pag-uwi, o isa kang binabae na nabugbog dahil nahuli kang naghihipo sa sinehan sa Robinsons, o mamamatay-tao at hindi callboy ang napick-up mo sa may PWU, malamang ay mabubuhay ka pa.

Sa U.P. Baguio, para kang nagbabakasyon while studying. Malamig all year round, kaya marami ang laging may kayakap tuwing gabi. Familiar din ito sa mga Jolina Fans dahil dito shinoot ang isa sa mga super duper kilig movies nila ni Marvin.

Sa U.P. Los Banos, para sa mga gusto nang kumawala sa parents! Liblib na lugar, you can do what you never got to do when those parents are around! Ayos para sa mga nature lovers dahil bundok ang nasa likuran. Ayos din para sa mga nag-iinit na mga lovers, marami kasing talahiban.

Meron ding U.P. Visayas at U.P. Mindanao, para sa mga sawa na sa Luzon. And of course ang pinaka-underrated na branch, ang P.U.P.? or Philippine University of the Philippines, for short. (wahahahaha)

Meron ding mga hoping maging U.P-- nandyan ang UST or UP Sana Tayo, DLSU-di Lusot sa UP, at and ADMU (Ateneo de Manila Univ)-Ayaw Daw Mag-UP.

Hindi mo talaga makakalimutan ang buhay mo sa U.P. It's unique and one of a kind.

Unforgettable para sa akin yung oblation run na dinadayo pa ng taga ibang school, pati na ng mga tigang na foreigners, mga bakla, at mga kolehiyalang taga all girls school na akala mo mga inosente kapag nagtilian. First time nakakakita ng birdies ang mga virgin kuno (meron ako narinig, in a very coño accent: "ay why is that they look like sausages, wat?!? wahahahaha), nagpapapiyesta ang babaylan, labasan din ng mga video cameras ang mga gurang at mga walang asawang teachers at librarians, at tuwang-tuwa ang ibang mga lalaki dahil mas malaki pala ang mga alaga nila.

Laging nasa headlines ang UP! Dahil sa mga rally, sikat na alumni, at dahil na rin sa mga krimen na nangyayari all around campus. Naka-witness ako ng binaril sa A.S. walk.

Napaka-memorable din sa akin yung teacher ko sa KAS-I na hinarass at hinipuan ako sa cubicle nya. May kilala rin akong badaf na titser na nagbigay ng indecent proposal sa machong-macho at very papable kong kaklase, "Hoy Mr. ___, bumabagsak ka na. Kwarto o kwatro??"

Ang saya-saya talaga dito sa iskul natin! Taun-taon ay hindi nauubusan ng events ang U.P. Meron tayong yearly fair na ginagawa tuwing February, concerts like Elvis and Maskipaps, ang nabanggit nang Oblation Run and Lantern Parade tuwing December, ang pagpapaulan ng libreng condoms tuwing World Aids Day, pagpapa-premiere ng mga uncut versions ng bomba movies sa Film Center, halos araw-raw na mga rally, rumble ng Upsilon at Sigma Rho every month, at orgy ng babaylan every weekends. Kaya masasabi nating napaka aktibo ng eskwelahang ito.

Sa kabila ng lahat ng ito, nangunguna sa kahit anong bagay ang mga nag-aral sa U.P. Siguro dahil sa pinagdaanan nila sa eskwelahang ito naging mga !@#$ at street smart ang mga Isko at Iska. Kaya hindi mo mauutakan ang mga yan. Survival of the Fittest, 'ika nga, kaya kapag gumraduate ka sa U.P., you are ready for the real world. Angat ka talaga sa iba. Sa kahit anong field, mapa showbiz, politics, business, rebellion, etc. nangunguna ang mga taga UP! Mga bitter lang ang di makatanggap ng fact na yan.

Kaya sa lahat ng mga Isko, wherever you are (nangungurakot na pulitiko sa kongreso, namundok na kasama ang mga NPA), whatever you do (walang trabaho, director, producer, artista, model, singer, rebelde, tindera, doctor, abogado, mangingisda, magsasaka, magnanakaw, swindler, estafadora, congressman, presidente ng pinas etc.) saludo ako sa inyo!

Itaas ang bandila ni oble at ng buong UP System!
U.P. da best!

MABUHAY ANG MGA ISKO AT ISKA NG BAYAN!

Bisi-bisihan kangel updates

2008-09-09T15:26:00.002+08:00

Madali lang ito....gusto ko kasi magrecord ng mga naiisip ko at gusto kong i-share sa buong blogosphere...

- napanood ko ang Alvin and the Chipmunks...ngayon ko lang napanood ...poor me...ang entertaining ng movie na yun...inuulit ulit ko pa ung Funky town...oh boy oh boy! It is christmas! I love Theodore.. :)

- natuloy na yung project from a network. Sighness...Now preparing for extreme coding in flash.

- I have the copy of Shutter 2008, Death Note 3, My Sassy Girl (English), Kung Fu Dunk...Cool...Thanks super SEER downloader officemates!!! aylabyaahall! :)

- Meeting my college friend Rainier from UPLB later after office.

- nagtampo ako kay Kiko last friday...He forgot our coffee date....huhu...ganun naman..hindi naman ako important...Hehe.

- Idee officemate/sister/friendship got to their new home in Makati Ave last Sunday.

- Household tuloy-tuloy na with Susie, Vanica and Raiza.

- GK activities for SIBOL kids was initiated by Karlo...Thank God. Changed person na sya. Cool. Sana tuloy-tuloy na...Sign ng maturity ba ito? Haha! Kidding.

- Rolly friend from Singapore has severe sinus. Offered prayers for him. At siyempre sa family. Chika minute with him yesterday.

- Birthday ni mama bukas. Happy birthday to yoo! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday...happy birthday...Happy birthday MAMA!
Bought washing machine for her. Happy me to see her happy. :) Kaso she thinks it is not enough. Gee mom....Hanuver. Haha!

- Bonding moments with Ate Jing last Saturday. His last day was last Sunday's GK. Ingat sa biyahe. :) See you soon.

- Praying Norman Cloyde Sebastian would come back in the service. Sana. :) Miss him.

- Puzzled and amazed at the same with Diana. Super crush nya tlaga ung padating na officemate namin at batchmate nya. I see myself in her 4 years ago...haha!

- Haay need to think of ways to really budget my time with work, work and service. Ang hirap.

- Blessed with a lot of work lately....I learned a lot from what I read from actionscript. Sana...before week ends...maging oks na ang lahat :)

- Windangers sa actionscript....and ahem....other things...haha! Learning other frameworks...haha!

- Waiting for SYKES cheque...my backpay at last...Yeheeeeyyyyy!!!!!!

- Praying for my friend's business venture to go. And to soon start asap. He has sacrificed a lot. He deserves good fruit. :)

- Why is trust an issue? Bakit nga ba ray? Haha!

- Sighness...I commit sin again. I'm sorry Lord.

- Praying for Aqil to have a good health.

- Praying for our company to pass this very difficult phase.

- Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted.

- Praying for my boss to have peace of mind and wisdom.

- Sana makabili na ako kofibun for deo and company...hangkulit nila.....gravah...haha.

- Ray officemate would leave us soon.

- Decline a date from guy bestfriend. And reschedule our date twice. I think it is not meant my friend. Dalaw ka na lang bahay. Oks na yun. ;)

Ito na lang muna.... naubos ko na lahat ng thoughts ko....haha! Walang explanation...pero ito na yun...;)

-kangel

Sighnesss....

2008-08-26T14:12:00.002+08:00

Sigh....

Parating na yung mga araw na magiging super busy na ako. At heto na nga. Ni-eenjoy ko na lang itong mga petiks moments ko. Andami naging blessing ni Lord. Pero sa dami nun...I admit andami ko rin kasalanan. Kaya heto...dapat...gawin ko itong mga "musts" na ito.

- must read my Bible again - next book: New:Luke Old: Leviticus (finish it...ang hirap tapusin pramis...puro kasi ito kautusan...kakalurky)
- must decide wake up call and follow it strictly
- must input something sa sfcinfosystem (upload pictures of members (this week))
- must finish script...hmmm
- must plan softdev estore ajax integration
- must plan my time every sunday and saturday.
- must learn ruby on rails this week
- must have time for my King...ibalik and dates at finish a good book you are currently reading :)

Aaminin ko na nawala ako talaga this week. Dahil sa dami ng nangyari. Ahahaaay.

Note ko lang yung mga events na ito.

1. Dumating na yung pinakahihintay kong papel na pwede nating sabihin na pwede akong gawin robot nito sa mga susunod na buwan. But I thank God for this blessing. I knew He gave me this one. I knew it His leading.
2. Birthday ng inaanak ko na si marcus...Nagkita-kita kami ng sfc. Ayun. I saw him again...Pero wala na...wala na talaga akong nararamdaman sa kanya na something special. He can't even say na special ang sis ko na ito sa knya at what level ang relationship nila. Kung ako yun...ewan...malulungkot ako. Anyway...wala na syang effect sa akin. I am just happy that chapter with him has finished na. Ayoko na rin muna ngayon. I believe God is preparing that special one for me. And I know that I am also in His process of preparing myself...you know to the next level. Hehehe...Masaya ako. Wala akogn iniisip. I knew I need to refine myself for my Lord. And thru His grace...with His strength...magagawa ko rin na magbago :)
3. Dinalaw namin si Nick. Brother ko sya sa singles for christ at heto na nga no...ooperahan na naman ang taong yun....This time meron syang almoranas. Sigh... Andami ng pagsubok ng taong yun. I pray that na malampasan nya lang ito with Jesus on his side of course. :)
4. Balak kong i-renew ulit ang aking 'tumatabang' na ties with SFC. Sigh...antagal ko ng hindi nakakapag-HH. At sobrang namiss ko sila. At heto na nga. Sana makumpleto na sila sa Sunday.
5. I thank God for answered prayer dahil naoperahan na nga ako at full recovered na ako. Masaya rin ako at pagaling na rin si Papa sa matindi nyang attack ng asthma last Saturday. Sana magtuluy-tuloy na ang recovery nya. Thank you Jesus for healing and for the resources. :)

Prayers: Sana maayos na rin ang relationship ko sa sister ko. So help me God. :) Sana parating maging open for reconciliation ang heart nya.

Oh sya. Work na ulit :)

Controversial iPhone's "kill switch" - A Security lapse from Apple?

2008-08-22T14:53:00.006+08:00

To those techy-savy lovers of Apple's iPhone people out there... Here a shocking revelation on your very phenomenal gadget.

I don't know if this apple's failure in implementing security measures. But it is true. Apple's iPhone 3G Phone has "security lapses" which Apple "on their part" tries to fix by controlling remotely each iPhones by what they have just announced as a "KILL SWITCH". This "kill switch" according to Apple is integrated on iPhones to remove remotely malicious software/applications that is not listed provider or partner of Apple.

But the question why this fact it is not emphasized to be known by growing number of consumers raises an issue. What are facts on this gadget that we still don't know and it still hidden to us (consumers) by Apple? Also this raises a question on the part of consumers who store delicate data/information their iPhones. Can Apple also see this data? Possibly yes... And the fact that Apple can control what should and what should not be in each individual's iPhones is really a "intruding act" by Apple on this very phenomenal gadget.

Here's a the link iPhone's kill switch story and a video.

Apple CEO Steve Jobs has confirmed that the iPhone 3G has a kill switch that can remotely remove software from the devices.
Jobs told The Wall Street Journal that Apple needs the capability in case it inadvertently allows a malicious program -- such as an application that steals user's personal data -- to be distributed to iPhones through its App Store.
"Hopefully we never have to pull that lever, but we would be irresponsible not to have a lever like that to pull," Jobs said.....

... But the real controversy started when Jonathan Zdziarski, author of the books iPhone Open Application Development and iPhone Forensics Manual, discovered a URL buried in Apple's firmware. That URL links to a file dubbed "unauthorizedApps" where malicious or simply bad apps might go once they disappear from the App Store.
According to Zdziarski, I Am Rich isn't the only app to disappear. BoxOffice (renamed to Now Playing) and NullRiver's NetShare were also removed. But removing the applications from the App Store and removing them from a consumer's iPhone are two different issues.
"The kill switch is a very controlling gesture. I am not sure why Apple didn't disclose it up front as simply a security measure," said Avi Greengart, an analyst at Current Analysis. "Consumers will accept an awful lot if you let them know what they are accepting."

read more.