Kangel's Confessions

Life is perfectly mysterious and unpredictable. Weeks back, I almost fall in love with a guy. And then last week I just realized, I'm not. It's not love. It's just an emotional attachment. Today, I realized I am physically attracted to a guy I barely known. Do I like him? Yes. But am I in love.? No. Maybe not yet. Blaaah. Do I want to be in love? Im not sure. I don't know what love is anymore. But I want to be in love. My life is complicated as it seems but I'm happy. God has allowed me to experience these things and learn from it. My God maybe allows it. So I can complete this whole life experience while I'm here on earth. God is sending me reasons to smile everyday. I may not be the happiest girl with special someone in her life. But I'm contently happy. I felt like God is looking at me closely. His holy glance is on me. I'm overwhelmed. Thank you Lord for allowing me to experience new things everyday.For making me smile like you always always do.

I'm not sure kung tama itong ginagawa ko. Pero feeling ko papunta ako malapit sa bangin. At anytime eh pwede akong madulas at tuluyan mahulog. Ito na ba yung start ng adventure ko sa pakikipagmeet sa pain? (read related post: Overcoming pain and abnormal sleep)Hanggang kailan ko makakayanan? Madudurog ba ang puso ko sa sakit na hihilingin ko na rin magpa-bypass operation soon? Ang sagot. Hindi ko alam. Wala pa naman sakit sa ngayon.... Hmmn. I dont wanna think about it. (Well ngayon lang naisip habang sinusulat ko ito) Pero sa totoo lang, natatakot ako. Kaya ko kaya? Let's see. I'm overanalyzing again. Pwedeng pakibatukan ako? Kailangan kong bumalik sa reality at sa tamang pag-iisip. I need to be rational kahit mukang imposible. Dahil sa 80% yata ang dominion ng heart ko vs isip ko. Mas nakakaramdam ako kaysa nag-iisip. (Hindi lang halata...) Sleep is my friend now. I sleep well last night. Tingin ko, kailangan kong pagbigyan ang sarili ko to be with this guy. Pero dapa...

For two weeks na yata akong may abnormal sleeping patterns. And yes, for the first time the reason is I am thinking of someone. Totoo pala yun na kapag may iniisip kang tao, well plus added certain degree ng reasons mo kung why mo sya iniisip - ay mahihirapan ka lang makatulog. I experience that for almost 2-3 weeks. I am bothered by some face. Hmmmn. Di ko muna sasabihin dito para sa kaligtasan nya. (LOL) Pero higit sa lahat para sa kanyang peace of mind. Maintriga na kayo pero di ko talaga sasabihin. Marami na akong sinubukan, napagtanungan at nahingian ng payo. Pero alas! Meron pinadalang anghel ulit sa akin ang langit. And we have unplanned date last Friday lang. I got some answers to my questions. At may ilan akong isi-share sa buong blogosphere. 1. Yung iniisip kong someone is my type na di ko inaamin sa sarili ko. TMI (Too much information). Hanggang dito na lang. 2. In order para makatulog ako, kailangan kong i-accept and idea na type ko sya. Thank God. I sleep so well after th...

Too much issues sa corporate. Totoo ang kasabihan - "we cant please everyone". Tabi tabi po sa tatamaan. Here are my views on the following concerns. 1. Escalation. Tama na ang isang beses sana na i-escalate. Kuha na ng team eh. Nakakarindi ang maraming escalation. Pinapaingay at pinapalaki ang isang simpleng issue. Kung di nagrespond ang team, eh di escalate nyo sa head/lead/manager. Tick-tock - 9:30 AM 2. Bypass - Kung isa kang head/manager or TL at may gusto kang ipagawa sa ibang team? Sino sa palagay mo ang dapat mong kausapin? Alam mo ba ang sagot? I bet alam mo. Eh di sa ka-level mo din. Hindi ka lalapit agad sa subordinate. Haay buhay. Haay buhay. Tick-tock 9:45 aM 3. Colleagues - Sobra kong naa-admire ang mga yuppies na sa early 20's nila ay humahawak ng malaking responsibilidad. Para silang mga maliliit na ibon na gustong lumipad. Tinuturuan sila ng mga nanay nila, hinahayaan magkamali at bumagsak sa lupa at sa maliit na panahon ay natuto din sila ikampay ang m...

Today, I got God's message from facebook. On this day, God wants you to know ... that today is a big day for you. Yes, today. Keep your eyes open for a message. It might come in a shape of a bird flying overhead, or a graffiti on a wall, or a phrase said by a passerby, or... Whatever shape it has, this message has been trying to reach you for years, and today is finally the day. Keep your senses open. At siyempre inalala ko naman ang mga figures at grafitti na pwede kong makita. Clue lang na malaki: Nasa bahay lang ako buong araw. Kanina lang hapon, served mass. Ngayon nag-iisip ako talaga kung ano ung nakita ko text, or whatever figure that could bring the message.... Mga candidates: 1. The Journey Home - a story about a son who cant forgive his father. Tons of biblical messages about forgiveness and God's love and mercy to those who accepts and returns to him. Crying moment ako kanina. Deeply touched with the message of the movie. It moved me. His words touched my heart...

Faith talks I've been doing some cleaning up lately. I'm trying to focus myself on some important goals. LOVELIFE not . Nanawa na ako mag-focus sa area na ito. Sabi nga ni Dr. Love dun sa sharing nya sa lector meeting namin, kung will na ng Diyos ang isang bagay na mangyari, kahit na anong pigil ko na hindi ito mangyari, MANGYAYARI sya. Pero mukhang kahit anong will ko sa area na ito na magkaroon eh mukhang hindi pa kalooban ng Diyos. The real challenge sabi nga ni Dr. Love, ay tanggapin ang will na ito ng Diyos para sa buhay mo. Ang naturalesa kasi ng tao eh ay i-resist ito. Paano mo nga ba naman tatanggapin ang isang bagay na hindi mo gusto (pa)? Maybe love is not yet destined to visit me yet. Mararamdaman ko naman yun kapag andyan na. Kung ano and andyan... (ano talaga...bagay ba ito? haha!) I will appreciate. Darating din yan sa oras na baka di ko pa inaasahan. Korea is <3 Sinasabi nila na kapag parati mong iniisip ang isang bagay at nag-stay ito sa thoughts mo ng matag...

I always think that being single is the most sad and most frightening feeling of a woman. But I realized that: Being single is being happy in spite of the absence of that special someone. Being single is being stronger in spite of the world showing you that you are alone and you have no one to depend to. Being single is being faithful when everything falls down, reaping your visions, decreasing your hope and destroying your beliefs on love. You as a single woman alone makes God favored you more, blessed you more and romance you more. Having single life is where you open your hands to best of what the world and your loving God can offer. It's how you receive it with open mind and open heart. Fly like you never did before. Till then....

Nagkita kami ng mga kaibigan ko sa SYKES last March 31, 2010. Gabi. Siyempre after work. Nagkita muna kami ni Emie muna sa megamall tapos naghintay ng taxi sa Podium dahil sa scarcity ng taxi that night. Nakipag-unahan pa kami nun sa isang kasabay namin na guy na naghihintay din ng taxi. Hehe. Buti gentleman. Pinauna na lang kami. Ang sikreto di namin sya nilingon. Hehe. Maraming salamat sa iyo Mr. Stranger. Nakasakay kami at nakaabot sa K-Pointe bldg sa Gilmore ng safe and sound. Finally after few minutes of waiting, I texted Ate Mye. At habang nagre-review kami ng mga SYKES unforgettable moments, lumabas na sina Makre at siyempre si Ate Mye. With a new face friend nila. I met a new friend. Benj, beautiful like us...you know. lol. At last nakumpleto din ang grupo. We ate sa teriyaki boy c/o ate mye wohooo! Siya ang aming birthday celebrant for the night. Beautiful beautiful. We have kuwento at siyempre mawalawa ba ang kape? Starbucks!!! I love life...well.. I super love coffee lang ...

Madaming gumugulo sa utak ko ngayon. Hindi ko alam kung dapat kong sabihin. Basta magta-type lang ang kamay ko. Mamaya ko na i-edit ito. Bahala na. 1. Trabaho - Yung "reorg" na nasabi sa akin ng isa kong officemate. Pambihira. Nakakapraning. Parang puzzle na gusto kong hanapan ng sagot. Yoko naaaa. Lord kayo na bahala. Hindi ko alam ang sagot eh :P 2. Spiritual - Well Lenten season does really it's purpose. Alam ko na kailangan bumawi kay Lord. Sobrang dami ko ng hindi ginawa na dapat ay ginawa ko noon pa. Well isusulat ko na lang yung mga gusto kong bawiin. Bawiin meaning bibigyan ko ito ng oras. Ita-tag as HIGH PRIORITY dahil si Lord ang involve dyan. Ito na yung oras na yun. Kailangan kong solusyunan ito. Hindi forever iintindihin ako ni Lord. I know I need to decide for myself. Act on my decision. THIS IS IT. Andami ko ng pinalagpas na oras...ayoko na magpalagpas pa ng oras. Life is short. Kailangan ko talaga bumawi. PERIOD. Babawi ako sa mga sumusunod: - Quiet ti...

Just had chismaks with girlfriend Rom last night. Some points were given light to me once again. 1. That we really have a freedom to choose - On choosing the life we want. But do you know what's amazing? Even if we keep on choosing the bad ones, God will turn or make that choice into good. Kahit anu pa yan. Kahit noon pa yan nangyari. Wala lang. ganun lang talaga tayo ka-love ni Lord. :) It is just so sad to hurt God sometimes on choosing the other way around. 2. God knows his sheep. When we get lost and scream to the world how hurt we are, God knows our pain and He lifts us up. He knows exactly who we are because of our hearts. He knows what's in it, whose in it and what garbage we kept inside. 3. Forgiveness is a decision. The moment we decide to forgive, everything - our mind, heart follows. Forgiveness gives you freedom and inner peace. 4. Love will come in the most unexpected way - mysteriously you can never imagined. It may destroy you, build you, and it may be the best...

Ok I'll start this monday morning with sharing something what happened last week. I finally manage to attend an assembly sa SFC. I saw him finally at siyempre kinapa ko ang sarili ko kung ok na ako. Nung una siyempre hindi ko sya matingnan. Para akong pasyente na naoperahan sa mata. Ayoko idilat ang mata ko dahil natatakot ako sa malalaman ko. Kung tagumpay ba ang operasyon o hindi. I'm so afraid, na baka ganun pa rin ang pakiramdam ko sa kanya. I'm afraid I would realize I have never moved on...na bulag pa rin ako. The grace of God helped me that night. He guided me. Nakita ko na sya by then. Pero di ko pa rin sya nilapitan. He seem not to change after months of not seeing him. Childish pa rin ang brod, ex-prospect ko. :) Hindi ko rin alam pero di ko na rin siya nilapitan. Pero I planned to. Wala na naman kaso kung sino ang mauna. If I will be returning back to SFC, kailangan kong maayos ang relationship ko sa kanya. After all we're brother and sisters in Christ. We be...

Wala pa rin ako sa mood magsulat. Pero I know kailangan kong simulan ang bagay para sa 2010 na maayos. (Karen sige na kaya mo yan...tapusin mo itong blog entry na ito. hehehe) "Christmas is different" I spent Christmas different this year. But I can still can count it as memorable one. I spent my first Christmas in US Autoparts (USAP), been in a hip-hop dance contest...won third place, wore first time dresses/clothes, spend like crazy on shopping clothes and I spend Christmas with my Dev team here in USAP as well as 5th floor peeps. I meet a lot people sobra! Naiba ng konti sa usual Christmas ko every year. Pero marami rin akong namiss. SFC - I miss my SFC family. I have been inactive for months now. Because I've been trying to be active din sa SFC dito sa Taguig. But sadly...I miss them sobra. The GK kids SIBOL. My weekend household, my sisses and brothers at assemblies ang lahat! :) Sila ang nawala sa usual Christmas year ko. Namiss ko sila ng sobra sobra sobra sobra. ...