Kangel's Confessions

I always think that being sick is a way of telling your body to slow down. Something is happening and the "pay attention to me" status is raising flag. I know I need to heed.

Having a condo of my own is one of my life's dream. Malapit ko na itong makuha. Kaso lang.... may mga finances ako na kailangan unahin bayaran. The only left thing to do get it is to pay the bank charges. Na hindi ko mabuo buo is because nagsabay sabay ang mga finances to pay. Alam ko na kailangan ko sila unahin. So condo...konting tiis lang. :) Abot kamay na naman kita. Unahin ko na muna ang mga kaibigan ko na naging dahilan para makapagdown ako. They need the money more.

Saying Hello World!!!!  from Meralco. Sobrang tagal ko ng hindi nagbablog. I wanted to be a book writer pero hindi ako nagsusulat. Ano ang ibig sabihin neto? Hahaha. Wish to blog more soon. And I mean regularly. :)

Do you trust me? What do you do when you are ask the make or break question? How do you answer in such a way your words will be listened to and you will convey the right message?

When is the right time? There is just this one guy who makes me happy everyday. He makes my heart beat faster. He makes me feel really special even he intends not to. I wanted to express what I feel but I'm afraid it may not be the right time. God only knows when... New Chapter: The Japanese  I wondered...why am I always affiliated to "japan" word. I was never a super fan of any anime. Oh there is one...Sailormoon series. Naruto? so so. Ah Yugi-oh! :D Gladly, I started and ended only these two series. And in between I met some japanese folks - some of them are acquaintance  and wives of friends. One of my friend dreams to flew in Japan. Another one is a collector of manga characters. Friends and college friends work there. Now surprised! I was hired by Aeon  as Managing Software Consultant for a project - a japanese company. Never thought of it. But my subconscious mind has been absorbing too much information about Japan and japanese culture. Now my turn ...

focus. driven. motivated. goal oriented. focus driven. motivated. goal oriented. focus driven. motivated. goal oriented.focus. driven. motivated. goal oriented. focus driven. motivated. goal oriented. focus. driven. motivated. goal oriented. focus focus focus. don't feel. no emotion. every time i feel that again. i just remind myself of why am i here. the only way to be successful is to focus. LASER FOCUS!!! :)

Location: Rizal Medical Center habang sinusulat ko ang entry na ito, nakaupo ako at hinihintay ang pamangkin ko, mama at pinsan ko ( siya yung nanay)  Sinugod namin sya kasama ng nanay ko at nanay niya dahil sa matindi nyang pagsusuka. Sabi nila nausog daw...pero sa dami ng laway na natanggap nya wala pa rin makapagpagaling sa kanya. Kaya heto kinailangan na ng professional help para mas malaman kung ano ba tlaga ang sakit nya. naghahanap ako ng mauupuan at nakita ko ang bakanteng upuan kung saan andun ang mag-asawa. Habang sumesenyas ako na at nagpapalaam na kung pwede bang umupo...nakita ako ng asawang lalaki at pinagsabihan ako....na "mag-ingat ka baka masagi mo ang sugat sa paa ng asawa ko". Ang sungit no? Pero  imbes na mainis ako at magalit ako... odd thing is...napangiti pa ako. :) The Break up - Reason I  once had a relationship that it fails because somebody failed to take care of me and to protect me.  Nakakalungkot na rason yun no. Well,  we all...

Today, I felt God is sending me angels...saying...everythinge will be alright. Thank you Lance,Nika,Martin and Emma. Your mere presence conveys God's message. :) Good night.

Meron kayang tao na katulad ko? (Malamang marami din. Haha.) Na mahilig mag-imagine ng happy endings? Kahit na siguro tinatawag ng sitwasyon o trabaho na magbago ako, hindi pa rin naman nawawala ang old self ko. Turn off lang ginagawa ko madalas. Pero at the end of the day, im still on my old self. Sino ba si Karen?  Masayahin ako. Joker mas madalas, maraming kuwento.  Marunong ako makinig, magtaray at manlait din ng bongga-na may humor. Stress madalas. Pero tumawa lang ako, ok na ako. Nangangarap ako na may prince charming ako one day that will save me from being alone for a long time. And yes i was never really in a relationship for a long period of time. By the way i've been dreaming of that day too. I interpret songs and i love songs which i can relate my life and love story (especially my love story) I cry a lot at kahit saan lugar yata- sa dyip, sa bahay - while praying, while thinking of pains, hurts and depression. I cry a lot because it is free and it i...

Location: Bed Room, Taguig Time:Around 4am :)  nalaman ko tonight ay this morning pala na hindi pala ako ang may pinakamabigat na problema.  day by day, minamahal ko ang members ng isang company na kung saan parte din ako. patuloy silang tumtanggap ng rejection, pero patuloy silang nagiging strong sa kabila nun. sila ang totoong matatapang na tao. dahil sa kabila ng mga obstacles na kinakaharap nila, patuloy nilang PINIPILING maging matatag kaysa maging talunan. naniniwala ako na walang desisyon ang Diyos na mali. Tao lang ang gumagawa  ng mga desisyong ito. And men suffer the results of the consequences. pero naniniwala din ako na kahit ano pa mang mali ng desisyon mong ito... gagawa ng paraan ang Diyos para maging tama ito. Dahil. wala syang  pababayaan sa knyang mga anak.  He want us to overcome.  He want us to win. But we first to decide to overcome and to win....Ito yung nakakalimutan natin gawin. Kadalasan. Napakarami na po ang nangyari sa buh...

I've been experiencing the highest and lowest moods lately. Hindi ko alam kung nagi-enter na ba ako ng midlife crisis? Ito na ba yun? I never know if I had passed one. But maybe I guess not. I just maybe a lost soul. :) My thoughts...they are screaming. Mind you guys, ok naman ako. Haha. But I just cant help thinking, of some thoughts lately about - happiness - contentment and what you really want in life. Ayoko mag-elaborate. Para sa akin na lang siguro iyun. But I feel weird kasi bakit ngayon ko ito naiisip. Ito na ba yung tinatawag nilang midlife crisis? Naaah. I miss... I miss yung mga dati kong ginagawa nun early twenties ko. I know what I really want back then. What makes me truly happy. Yun mafeel mo na ilang beses at halos sagad sa buto na ang ginagawa mo eh di ka makaramdam ng pagod. Ang mararamdaman mo lang eh saya. Yung eternal happiness. Siguro pwedeng matranslate ang eternal sa happiness with peace of heart and mind. Ganun. Basta ung happiness na kakaiba. Parang kasi a...

Hello?! Kamusta naman? First post of the year 2012. Eh malay ko ba kung 2012 na nga ang katapusan ng mundo di ba? Eh hala babalik ako sa kangels confessions ko no. Namiss ko bigla magblog. SOBRA. Eh kung namiss ko, bakit wala akong post? Haha! Yun lang. I'm reading my past months post and I realized, I became so negative about people. Actually ayoko yun ganun pakiramdam. Ayoko rin ng nega na post no. That is why...I stop posting. Gusto kong huminga. Mangolekta ulit ng inspirasyon. Count the blessings. I believe that I should collect nice and warm thoughts and drop off bad ones. Dont worry parang kanila ko lang napagdesisyunan yun. Hahaha Kidding aside...I want to be more positive about people. Kaya heto na.....sisimulan ko ito 1st post ko for 2012 with a....... "Bang!" Kamusta na si Kangel? Dumating ang Pasko, bagong taon at nagbirthday po ang inyong abang lingkod eh masasabi kong ok naman ako. Good news and bad news came. Pero mas marami pa rin ang blessings na dumadati...

Minsan kailangan mo lang tumahimik. Huminga. Tumahimik ulit. At huminga. Ang katahimikan ang magbibigay daan sa iyo para makapag-isip ng mga tamang salita na pwedeng sabihin. Kausapin ang Diyos at humingi ng tulong. Para malinawan ka kung ano ang dapat at tamang gawin. Ngayon, ano pakiramdam mo? Galit, Awa, Lito, Inis. Puro negative eh. Sasabihin ko pa ba ang mga nararamdaman ko. Siguro ibabaon ko na lang sa limot. Palilipasin.... At palalagpasin. Isang bahagi ng sarili ko na nag-iisip na bigyan sila ng pagkakataon para makapagpaliwanag. Ang sarili ko. Gusto ko rin magpaliwanag. Para makiuso lang. Hehe. After all everybody deserves a second chance. Di ba? Alam mo yung pakiramdam na yung puso mong pula...eh may nakapalibot na usok na nanunuot sa mga unang layer ng balat ng puso mo. Tapos ang bigat dahil yung usok na yun, hindi nawawala. Andun lang nakapalibot. Naghihintay ng pagkakataon na manuot sa kailaliman. Yun ang puso ko ngayon. Sana umalis na yung usok na yun. Ang bigat sa pak...

Hindi ko masisi ko ang ilang mga tao ay sumuko at mamahinga panandalian sa paghahanap o kahit paghihintay ng pagmamahal. They been waiting for this all this life. They were rejected many times already. Masakit yun. Yung sakit ba na nakakamanhid. Kailangan ng oras para maghilom ang mga sugat na dala ng mga di magagandang karanasang ito. Sa bawat tao na nariringgan ko ng istorya ng buhay na katulad ng ganito, hindi ko maiwasang ikumpara ito sa buhay ko. I was left alone by those people that I have allowed to enter my life. Siyempre, minahal at itinuring kong isang magandang alaala ang mga oras na nakasama ko ang mga taong ito. At katulad ng taong nakakwentuhan ko ngayong gabi, parehas kaming naging biktima ng pagkakataon at mga desisyon ginawa namin sa mga buhay namin. Pero katulad ng sinabi nya, si Lord lang naman ang nakakaalam ng mga bagay na susunod na mangyayari. May dahilan ang lahat. Siguro maiintindihan din namin yun pagdating ng takdang panahon. Siya yung nagkuwento pero, ako ...

Life is perfectly mysterious and unpredictable. Weeks back, I almost fall in love with a guy. And then last week I just realized, I'm not. It's not love. It's just an emotional attachment. Today, I realized I am physically attracted to a guy I barely known. Do I like him? Yes. But am I in love.? No. Maybe not yet. Blaaah. Do I want to be in love? Im not sure. I don't know what love is anymore. But I want to be in love. My life is complicated as it seems but I'm happy. God has allowed me to experience these things and learn from it. My God maybe allows it. So I can complete this whole life experience while I'm here on earth. God is sending me reasons to smile everyday. I may not be the happiest girl with special someone in her life. But I'm contently happy. I felt like God is looking at me closely. His holy glance is on me. I'm overwhelmed. Thank you Lord for allowing me to experience new things everyday.For making me smile like you always always do.

May mga tao talagang nagkakatuluyan. At meron naman hindi. Minsan gusto ko isipin na sana meron na lang tao for me at this moment....at this second. God's message for me today - You're not alone. Nakakatakot isipin na hindi ako nag-iisa. Eh sino kasama ko? Haha. Pero naka-comfort din. I've been single for a long time now. And to hear that message comforts me. Promise. Totoo naman hindi ako nag-iisa dahil marami tao sa paligid ko. Andyan ang mga totoong kaibigan, officemates, bestfriends at pamilya ko. Sa totoo lang, hindi naman talaga ako nag-iisa. Pero siyempre...iba pa rin siguro kung meron may magsasabi na. "You're mine". At sasabihin ko - acknowledge! hahahaha! Kidding. Ang sasabihin ko lang simple... "I'm forever yours" *hearts* :) Highschool crush I have this guy that I want....like...gusto... Pero di pwede. Bakit? Hindi ko alam eh. Ayoko sagutin. Ayoko rin syang ma-expose sa buong blog...

I'm not sure kung tama itong ginagawa ko. Pero feeling ko papunta ako malapit sa bangin. At anytime eh pwede akong madulas at tuluyan mahulog. Ito na ba yung start ng adventure ko sa pakikipagmeet sa pain? (read related post: Overcoming pain and abnormal sleep)Hanggang kailan ko makakayanan? Madudurog ba ang puso ko sa sakit na hihilingin ko na rin magpa-bypass operation soon? Ang sagot. Hindi ko alam. Wala pa naman sakit sa ngayon.... Hmmn. I dont wanna think about it. (Well ngayon lang naisip habang sinusulat ko ito) Pero sa totoo lang, natatakot ako. Kaya ko kaya? Let's see. I'm overanalyzing again. Pwedeng pakibatukan ako? Kailangan kong bumalik sa reality at sa tamang pag-iisip. I need to be rational kahit mukang imposible. Dahil sa 80% yata ang dominion ng heart ko vs isip ko. Mas nakakaramdam ako kaysa nag-iisip. (Hindi lang halata...) Sleep is my friend now. I sleep well last night. Tingin ko, kailangan kong pagbigyan ang sarili ko to be with this guy. Pero dapa...

For two weeks na yata akong may abnormal sleeping patterns. And yes, for the first time the reason is I am thinking of someone. Totoo pala yun na kapag may iniisip kang tao, well plus added certain degree ng reasons mo kung why mo sya iniisip - ay mahihirapan ka lang makatulog. I experience that for almost 2-3 weeks. I am bothered by some face. Hmmmn. Di ko muna sasabihin dito para sa kaligtasan nya. (LOL) Pero higit sa lahat para sa kanyang peace of mind. Maintriga na kayo pero di ko talaga sasabihin. Marami na akong sinubukan, napagtanungan at nahingian ng payo. Pero alas! Meron pinadalang anghel ulit sa akin ang langit. And we have unplanned date last Friday lang. I got some answers to my questions. At may ilan akong isi-share sa buong blogosphere. 1. Yung iniisip kong someone is my type na di ko inaamin sa sarili ko. TMI (Too much information). Hanggang dito na lang. 2. In order para makatulog ako, kailangan kong i-accept and idea na type ko sya. Thank God. I sleep so well after th...

I'm fan of K-dramas because they keep my mind sane. :) Especially the romantic-comedy ones. :D Enjoy!! :) Description: A young woman named Ji Hyun was enjoying absolute bliss as she was about to be married with her fiancé, but her perfect life is shattered in a car accident that left her in a coma. She is given a second chance at life by a reaper, but it comes with a condition: she has to find three people outside of her family who would cry genuine tears for her. In order to do this, she borrows the body of Yi Kyung, a part-time employee at a convenience store. Language: Korean Country: Korea Times: 20 Episodes Release Date: 16 March 2011 Cast: Lee Yo Won , Jo Hyun Jae , Jung Il Woo , Nam Gyu Ri , Bae Soo Bin , Seo Ji Hye , Bae Geu Rin , Kang Sung Min Genre: Romance Hardsub: Episode 01: http://www.fileserve.com/file/b9tWWeP http://bitshare.com/?f=258if62x http://www.megaupload.com/?d=V02JZE63 Episode 02: http://www.fileserve.com/file/bg9uKaz htt...

Isang araw na nagba-browse ako ng mga old blog post ko. I read about these 2 articles I wrote last February, 2009 http://kangelsconfessions.blogspot.com/2009/02/subject-love-talks-my-realizations-1.html and this: http://kangelsconfessions.blogspot.com/2009/02/love-talks-my-realizations-2.html Sa totoo lang, na-appreciate ko ang blog na ito. Kasi nadocument ko ang mga bagay na ito sa panahong naalala ko pa ang ilang details. Ngayon kasi, hindi ko na maalala ang ilang detalye. Kung bakit sya...bakit may ganun...bakit may ganyan... I am not getting younger. Only smarter. Churz. I started to let go of some memories that have hunt me in the past. And by means of letting go - halos nakalimutan ko talaga ang mga tao and some detailed cherished memory. Im not even sure why did I cherish it. I cant remember now. Takte - Tumatanda na talaga. I just know that some people made a difference in my life. What I am now is partly their influence on me. These 2 blog links abo...