It's been so long now. Very very long week....
God has been so good to me... He is wonderful indeed making me realize all the things, situation and all the reasons na kailangan ko....para maramdaman ko na hindi nya ako pinabayaan....
It is indeed a very long CLP week. I have battled every week with my strength and strength of my God by my side. He sends me my own prayer warriors :) (thank you sisses). At sa wakas natapos na rin...Minsan hindi ko na kinakayan at naiiyak talaga ako sa sakit. But every week God has lessen the pain....Slowly...hanggang sa hindi ko na rin nalaman na....papagaling na pala.... Yes...I am almost completely healed.... Pero not yet fully.
Ano ba yung battle na ito?
Sa totoo lang...matagal akong hindi nakapagblog because I wanted to escape all memories all the things that would remind me of him... Pero siyempre... nahirapan pa rin ako...kasi di naman yun basta basta eh.
Nakikita ko pa rin sya every Sunday. At siyempre ang idea na makita sya ay sobrang hirap sa akin. Dahil??? wala hindi
ko na rin maalala ang dahilan...lemme think...
Ah...dahil by then nasasaktan ako...hehe...Pag nakikita ko sila nung akala kong gf nya. yeah that was before akala ko
kasi sila...at medyo nahirapan ako i-accept. I have almost believe for weeks na sila ng girl participant namin. And thru my sisses concern they told me na hindi sila. But the girl is hoping... like I was before...(Yeah "was"...My hoping period finally halts). At nakita ko ang sarili ko sa sis ko na yun. I felt compassion on her. And I understand her.
Sa totoo lang hindi ako nagalit sa kanya sa girl participant. I learned how to respect everything silently. I know I can't do anything... just to be strong bawat week sa mga possible na makikita ng mata ko sa kanilang dalawa. It's been really tiring weeks at first...but I have adjusted na rin naman. Nakita ko na both of them is ok and I admire the girl participant's effort more....haha! Her eyes are obvious. Her feelings really shows. Di katulad nun sa akin...Masyadong nakatago. Hehe...
I would like to praise God for everything He did to me. For all the strength na binigay nya sa akin. May mga times na gusto ko ng sumuko becoz of pain...pero I can't believe na kinaya ko. Really nothing is impossible with God. I have adjusted.... I started to appreciate things that God is showing me to do. And week by week, nakita ko na ngumingiti na ako nagiging masaya ako genuinely. Unlike nung mga first 5 weeks... really it is been a facade for me to wear a smiling face. And pretend everything is ok...kahit na hindi talaga...
And one secret na pwede kong i-share na talagang nakatulong for me to really recover is nai-share ko ito sa mga taong close sa akin. Pinagpray nila talaga ako. Inalis ko na sa isip ko kung ano ang iisipin nila sa akin. Na I am weak, I'm tanga, and ang babaw ng reason...Yung mga ganun dahilan yung dati naiisip ko na iisipin ng mga bros and sisters ko sa akin. They have known me to be happy...nagbibigay buhay sa group. Joker din ako...hehe...Pero I have let them see the other side of me. The weak me. The devastated me. The crying me. The depressed me. The loser me. The slow me.
Oo yun ako when everything I think falls apart.And Jesus did not allow me to think that way. He uses my sfc community to change that way I'm thinking to myself. I felt God. And I've never seen how big his love for me is. Di katulad ng iniisip kong guy noon na makapagbibigay nun sa akin. And to think, I can't remember a thing he really did something special for me. Halos wala pala. Wala talaga. He is just nice. Period. But not mature yet. And God did not want for me I guess immature men because He knows that I would be hurt. And maybe Jesus just wanted me to enjoy friendships with men muna. Oks lang yun...mukang enjoy naman yun... haha!
So kamusta ka na?
Ok na ako. As in. Hehe. Siguro magtuluy-tuloy lang na hindi ko sya nakikita. Paano kaya yun? Ako na lang muna ang mawawala sa community...;) Pero sa MMLC punta ako...At saka sa mga chapter assemblies??? waaa...ah eh..bahala na. :)
Actually ang nagbigay sa akin talaga ng mala-influential na words ay ang brother ko sa sunvalley na si benjie. Si benjie ang nagpagising sa rational way ko ng pag-iisip. Sinabi nya sa akin na hindi importante masyado ang feelings kung ang tatanggap naman nito ay hindi ready sa kung anuman pagbabago na inihahain sa kanya. And I have never seen him ready. He has been offered a lot of trainings...pero...kung may nagbabago man sa kanya...si God lang ang nakakaalam.
Pero sa nakikita ng mata ko...very minimal lang ang nakita kong change. And you can't force change sa tao. Only God can judge. He knows his heart better. :)
Pero benjie thinks he does not handle responsibilities well. And he goes with the flow. Hindi ko makita ang sense of responsibility sa kanya in terms of handling small things...(He is only 23...understandable naman.... hehe... you're just expecting much...haha!)That's why he is not ready for anything. Well maybe he has other priorites na Im none of his business na.
He just goes with the flow of whatever he has in mind. But this thing is proven.. He is never an initiator. Not a leader-type I guess. Maybe that's why I have liked him. He is almost completely the opposite of me. :) Haay... maybe na-challenge lang ako. I have no reasons at all. I dont know. Sabi ko nga kay benjie....hindi rin ako makapaniwala na nagustuhan ko ang taong yun....Nakakatawa. Pero yun ang totoo.
God has reason for everything. I may never know why he came into my life. But I know He has reason worth enough. I believe He wont allow it...kung hindi yun makakabuti sa akin....O kahit sa kanya? And I thank Him...because I learn a lot. This journey has finally ended with all the lessons learned and happy memories na magiging part na ng lifetime memories ko habang andito ako sa earth.
Tuloy lang ang buhay. I'm positive He will still give me the man I've been really praying for. Because from the very start I believe He has planted this desire in my heart. :)
I will praise him when I win in this battle called life.
And I will still praise Him when I lose. :)
Thank you Jesus!
P.S. Sa lahat ng mga nag-comment, thanks at sa lahat ng fellow bloggers out there...I am now back!!!!!!!!!!!! Hehehe... :) Yahuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
God has been so good to me... He is wonderful indeed making me realize all the things, situation and all the reasons na kailangan ko....para maramdaman ko na hindi nya ako pinabayaan....
It is indeed a very long CLP week. I have battled every week with my strength and strength of my God by my side. He sends me my own prayer warriors :) (thank you sisses). At sa wakas natapos na rin...Minsan hindi ko na kinakayan at naiiyak talaga ako sa sakit. But every week God has lessen the pain....Slowly...hanggang sa hindi ko na rin nalaman na....papagaling na pala.... Yes...I am almost completely healed.... Pero not yet fully.
Ano ba yung battle na ito?
Sa totoo lang...matagal akong hindi nakapagblog because I wanted to escape all memories all the things that would remind me of him... Pero siyempre... nahirapan pa rin ako...kasi di naman yun basta basta eh.
Nakikita ko pa rin sya every Sunday. At siyempre ang idea na makita sya ay sobrang hirap sa akin. Dahil??? wala hindi
ko na rin maalala ang dahilan...lemme think...
Ah...dahil by then nasasaktan ako...hehe...Pag nakikita ko sila nung akala kong gf nya. yeah that was before akala ko
kasi sila...at medyo nahirapan ako i-accept. I have almost believe for weeks na sila ng girl participant namin. And thru my sisses concern they told me na hindi sila. But the girl is hoping... like I was before...(Yeah "was"...My hoping period finally halts). At nakita ko ang sarili ko sa sis ko na yun. I felt compassion on her. And I understand her.
Sa totoo lang hindi ako nagalit sa kanya sa girl participant. I learned how to respect everything silently. I know I can't do anything... just to be strong bawat week sa mga possible na makikita ng mata ko sa kanilang dalawa. It's been really tiring weeks at first...but I have adjusted na rin naman. Nakita ko na both of them is ok and I admire the girl participant's effort more....haha! Her eyes are obvious. Her feelings really shows. Di katulad nun sa akin...Masyadong nakatago. Hehe...
I would like to praise God for everything He did to me. For all the strength na binigay nya sa akin. May mga times na gusto ko ng sumuko becoz of pain...pero I can't believe na kinaya ko. Really nothing is impossible with God. I have adjusted.... I started to appreciate things that God is showing me to do. And week by week, nakita ko na ngumingiti na ako nagiging masaya ako genuinely. Unlike nung mga first 5 weeks... really it is been a facade for me to wear a smiling face. And pretend everything is ok...kahit na hindi talaga...
And one secret na pwede kong i-share na talagang nakatulong for me to really recover is nai-share ko ito sa mga taong close sa akin. Pinagpray nila talaga ako. Inalis ko na sa isip ko kung ano ang iisipin nila sa akin. Na I am weak, I'm tanga, and ang babaw ng reason...Yung mga ganun dahilan yung dati naiisip ko na iisipin ng mga bros and sisters ko sa akin. They have known me to be happy...nagbibigay buhay sa group. Joker din ako...hehe...Pero I have let them see the other side of me. The weak me. The devastated me. The crying me. The depressed me. The loser me. The slow me.
Oo yun ako when everything I think falls apart.And Jesus did not allow me to think that way. He uses my sfc community to change that way I'm thinking to myself. I felt God. And I've never seen how big his love for me is. Di katulad ng iniisip kong guy noon na makapagbibigay nun sa akin. And to think, I can't remember a thing he really did something special for me. Halos wala pala. Wala talaga. He is just nice. Period. But not mature yet. And God did not want for me I guess immature men because He knows that I would be hurt. And maybe Jesus just wanted me to enjoy friendships with men muna. Oks lang yun...mukang enjoy naman yun... haha!
So kamusta ka na?
Ok na ako. As in. Hehe. Siguro magtuluy-tuloy lang na hindi ko sya nakikita. Paano kaya yun? Ako na lang muna ang mawawala sa community...;) Pero sa MMLC punta ako...At saka sa mga chapter assemblies??? waaa...ah eh..bahala na. :)
Actually ang nagbigay sa akin talaga ng mala-influential na words ay ang brother ko sa sunvalley na si benjie. Si benjie ang nagpagising sa rational way ko ng pag-iisip. Sinabi nya sa akin na hindi importante masyado ang feelings kung ang tatanggap naman nito ay hindi ready sa kung anuman pagbabago na inihahain sa kanya. And I have never seen him ready. He has been offered a lot of trainings...pero...kung may nagbabago man sa kanya...si God lang ang nakakaalam.
Pero sa nakikita ng mata ko...very minimal lang ang nakita kong change. And you can't force change sa tao. Only God can judge. He knows his heart better. :)
Pero benjie thinks he does not handle responsibilities well. And he goes with the flow. Hindi ko makita ang sense of responsibility sa kanya in terms of handling small things...(He is only 23...understandable naman.... hehe... you're just expecting much...haha!)That's why he is not ready for anything. Well maybe he has other priorites na Im none of his business na.
He just goes with the flow of whatever he has in mind. But this thing is proven.. He is never an initiator. Not a leader-type I guess. Maybe that's why I have liked him. He is almost completely the opposite of me. :) Haay... maybe na-challenge lang ako. I have no reasons at all. I dont know. Sabi ko nga kay benjie....hindi rin ako makapaniwala na nagustuhan ko ang taong yun....Nakakatawa. Pero yun ang totoo.
God has reason for everything. I may never know why he came into my life. But I know He has reason worth enough. I believe He wont allow it...kung hindi yun makakabuti sa akin....O kahit sa kanya? And I thank Him...because I learn a lot. This journey has finally ended with all the lessons learned and happy memories na magiging part na ng lifetime memories ko habang andito ako sa earth.
Tuloy lang ang buhay. I'm positive He will still give me the man I've been really praying for. Because from the very start I believe He has planted this desire in my heart. :)
I will praise him when I win in this battle called life.
And I will still praise Him when I lose. :)
Thank you Jesus!
P.S. Sa lahat ng mga nag-comment, thanks at sa lahat ng fellow bloggers out there...I am now back!!!!!!!!!!!! Hehehe... :) Yahuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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aylabyu! :3