Kangel's Confessions

Minsan kailangan mo lang tumahimik. Huminga. Tumahimik ulit. At huminga. Ang katahimikan ang magbibigay daan sa iyo para makapag-isip ng mga tamang salita na pwedeng sabihin. Kausapin ang Diyos at humingi ng tulong. Para malinawan ka kung ano ang dapat at tamang gawin. Ngayon, ano pakiramdam mo? Galit, Awa, Lito, Inis. Puro negative eh. Sasabihin ko pa ba ang mga nararamdaman ko. Siguro ibabaon ko na lang sa limot. Palilipasin.... At palalagpasin. Isang bahagi ng sarili ko na nag-iisip na bigyan sila ng pagkakataon para makapagpaliwanag. Ang sarili ko. Gusto ko rin magpaliwanag. Para makiuso lang. Hehe. After all everybody deserves a second chance. Di ba? Alam mo yung pakiramdam na yung puso mong pula...eh may nakapalibot na usok na nanunuot sa mga unang layer ng balat ng puso mo. Tapos ang bigat dahil yung usok na yun, hindi nawawala. Andun lang nakapalibot. Naghihintay ng pagkakataon na manuot sa kailaliman. Yun ang puso ko ngayon. Sana umalis na yung usok na yun. Ang bigat sa pak

Hindi ko masisi ko ang ilang mga tao ay sumuko at mamahinga panandalian sa paghahanap o kahit paghihintay ng pagmamahal. They been waiting for this all this life. They were rejected many times already. Masakit yun. Yung sakit ba na nakakamanhid. Kailangan ng oras para maghilom ang mga sugat na dala ng mga di magagandang karanasang ito. Sa bawat tao na nariringgan ko ng istorya ng buhay na katulad ng ganito, hindi ko maiwasang ikumpara ito sa buhay ko. I was left alone by those people that I have allowed to enter my life. Siyempre, minahal at itinuring kong isang magandang alaala ang mga oras na nakasama ko ang mga taong ito. At katulad ng taong nakakwentuhan ko ngayong gabi, parehas kaming naging biktima ng pagkakataon at mga desisyon ginawa namin sa mga buhay namin. Pero katulad ng sinabi nya, si Lord lang naman ang nakakaalam ng mga bagay na susunod na mangyayari. May dahilan ang lahat. Siguro maiintindihan din namin yun pagdating ng takdang panahon. Siya yung nagkuwento pero, ako

Life is perfectly mysterious and unpredictable. Weeks back, I almost fall in love with a guy. And then last week I just realized, I'm not. It's not love. It's just an emotional attachment. Today, I realized I am physically attracted to a guy I barely known. Do I like him? Yes. But am I in love.? No. Maybe not yet. Blaaah. Do I want to be in love? Im not sure. I don't know what love is anymore. But I want to be in love. My life is complicated as it seems but I'm happy. God has allowed me to experience these things and learn from it. My God maybe allows it. So I can complete this whole life experience while I'm here on earth. God is sending me reasons to smile everyday. I may not be the happiest girl with special someone in her life. But I'm contently happy. I felt like God is looking at me closely. His holy glance is on me. I'm overwhelmed. Thank you Lord for allowing me to experience new things everyday.For making me smile like you always always do.

May mga tao talagang nagkakatuluyan. At meron naman hindi. Minsan gusto ko isipin na sana meron na lang tao for me at this moment....at this second. God's message for me today - You're not alone. Nakakatakot isipin na hindi ako nag-iisa. Eh sino kasama ko? Haha. Pero naka-comfort din. I've been single for a long time now. And to hear that message comforts me. Promise. Totoo naman hindi ako nag-iisa dahil marami tao sa paligid ko. Andyan ang mga totoong kaibigan, officemates, bestfriends at pamilya ko. Sa totoo lang, hindi naman talaga ako nag-iisa. Pero siyempre...iba pa rin siguro kung meron may magsasabi na. "You're mine". At sasabihin ko - acknowledge! hahahaha! Kidding. Ang sasabihin ko lang simple... "I'm forever yours" *hearts* :) Highschool crush I have this guy that I want....like...gusto... Pero di pwede. Bakit? Hindi ko alam eh. Ayoko sagutin. Ayoko rin syang ma-expose sa buong blog

I'm not sure kung tama itong ginagawa ko. Pero feeling ko papunta ako malapit sa bangin. At anytime eh pwede akong madulas at tuluyan mahulog. Ito na ba yung start ng adventure ko sa pakikipagmeet sa pain? (read related post: Overcoming pain and abnormal sleep)Hanggang kailan ko makakayanan? Madudurog ba ang puso ko sa sakit na hihilingin ko na rin magpa-bypass operation soon? Ang sagot. Hindi ko alam. Wala pa naman sakit sa ngayon.... Hmmn. I dont wanna think about it. (Well ngayon lang naisip habang sinusulat ko ito) Pero sa totoo lang, natatakot ako. Kaya ko kaya? Let's see. I'm overanalyzing again. Pwedeng pakibatukan ako? Kailangan kong bumalik sa reality at sa tamang pag-iisip. I need to be rational kahit mukang imposible. Dahil sa 80% yata ang dominion ng heart ko vs isip ko. Mas nakakaramdam ako kaysa nag-iisip. (Hindi lang halata...) Sleep is my friend now. I sleep well last night. Tingin ko, kailangan kong pagbigyan ang sarili ko to be with this guy. Pero dapa

For two weeks na yata akong may abnormal sleeping patterns. And yes, for the first time the reason is I am thinking of someone. Totoo pala yun na kapag may iniisip kang tao, well plus added certain degree ng reasons mo kung why mo sya iniisip - ay mahihirapan ka lang makatulog. I experience that for almost 2-3 weeks. I am bothered by some face. Hmmmn. Di ko muna sasabihin dito para sa kaligtasan nya. (LOL) Pero higit sa lahat para sa kanyang peace of mind. Maintriga na kayo pero di ko talaga sasabihin. Marami na akong sinubukan, napagtanungan at nahingian ng payo. Pero alas! Meron pinadalang anghel ulit sa akin ang langit. And we have unplanned date last Friday lang. I got some answers to my questions. At may ilan akong isi-share sa buong blogosphere. 1. Yung iniisip kong someone is my type na di ko inaamin sa sarili ko. TMI (Too much information). Hanggang dito na lang. 2. In order para makatulog ako, kailangan kong i-accept and idea na type ko sya. Thank God. I sleep so well after th

I'm fan of K-dramas because they keep my mind sane. :) Especially the romantic-comedy ones. :D Enjoy!! :) Description: A young woman named Ji Hyun was enjoying absolute bliss as she was about to be married with her fiancé, but her perfect life is shattered in a car accident that left her in a coma. She is given a second chance at life by a reaper, but it comes with a condition: she has to find three people outside of her family who would cry genuine tears for her. In order to do this, she borrows the body of Yi Kyung, a part-time employee at a convenience store. Language: Korean Country: Korea Times: 20 Episodes Release Date: 16 March 2011 Cast: Lee Yo Won , Jo Hyun Jae , Jung Il Woo , Nam Gyu Ri , Bae Soo Bin , Seo Ji Hye , Bae Geu Rin , Kang Sung Min Genre: Romance Hardsub: Episode 01: http://www.fileserve.com/file/b9tWWeP http://bitshare.com/?f=258if62x http://www.megaupload.com/?d=V02JZE63 Episode 02: http://www.fileserve.com/file/bg9uKaz htt

Isang araw na nagba-browse ako ng mga old blog post ko. I read about these 2 articles I wrote last February, 2009 http://kangelsconfessions.blogspot.com/2009/02/subject-love-talks-my-realizations-1.html and this: http://kangelsconfessions.blogspot.com/2009/02/love-talks-my-realizations-2.html Sa totoo lang, na-appreciate ko ang blog na ito. Kasi nadocument ko ang mga bagay na ito sa panahong naalala ko pa ang ilang details. Ngayon kasi, hindi ko na maalala ang ilang detalye. Kung bakit sya...bakit may ganun...bakit may ganyan... I am not getting younger. Only smarter. Churz. I started to let go of some memories that have hunt me in the past. And by means of letting go - halos nakalimutan ko talaga ang mga tao and some detailed cherished memory. Im not even sure why did I cherish it. I cant remember now. Takte - Tumatanda na talaga. I just know that some people made a difference in my life. What I am now is partly their influence on me. These 2 blog links abo

Too much issues sa corporate. Totoo ang kasabihan - "we cant please everyone". Tabi tabi po sa tatamaan. Here are my views on the following concerns. 1. Escalation. Tama na ang isang beses sana na i-escalate. Kuha na ng team eh. Nakakarindi ang maraming escalation. Pinapaingay at pinapalaki ang isang simpleng issue. Kung di nagrespond ang team, eh di escalate nyo sa head/lead/manager. Tick-tock - 9:30 AM 2. Bypass - Kung isa kang head/manager or TL at may gusto kang ipagawa sa ibang team? Sino sa palagay mo ang dapat mong kausapin? Alam mo ba ang sagot? I bet alam mo. Eh di sa ka-level mo din. Hindi ka lalapit agad sa subordinate. Haay buhay. Haay buhay. Tick-tock 9:45 aM 3. Colleagues - Sobra kong naa-admire ang mga yuppies na sa early 20's nila ay humahawak ng malaking responsibilidad. Para silang mga maliliit na ibon na gustong lumipad. Tinuturuan sila ng mga nanay nila, hinahayaan magkamali at bumagsak sa lupa at sa maliit na panahon ay natuto din sila ikampay ang m

I will just stay still. shut my mouth and know that you are God. God be my strength please. :)

Today, I got God's message from facebook. On this day, God wants you to know ... that today is a big day for you. Yes, today. Keep your eyes open for a message. It might come in a shape of a bird flying overhead, or a graffiti on a wall, or a phrase said by a passerby, or... Whatever shape it has, this message has been trying to reach you for years, and today is finally the day. Keep your senses open. At siyempre inalala ko naman ang mga figures at grafitti na pwede kong makita. Clue lang na malaki: Nasa bahay lang ako buong araw. Kanina lang hapon, served mass. Ngayon nag-iisip ako talaga kung ano ung nakita ko text, or whatever figure that could bring the message.... Mga candidates: 1. The Journey Home - a story about a son who cant forgive his father. Tons of biblical messages about forgiveness and God's love and mercy to those who accepts and returns to him. Crying moment ako kanina. Deeply touched with the message of the movie. It moved me. His words touched my heart

Akala nyo ba masaya? Akala nyo fashionable? Akala nyo ba nakakatuwa? Akala nyo ba talaga?!!!!! Wala na akong magagawa. Magastos. Uncomfortable. Masakit. Andito na ito eh. All the pain are worth the wait. Shushunod na lang muna ako sa agosh. ;) Hahahaha!

Happy Easter everyone! :) I am not sure what to write. But I just wanna share the very message of God told me just today in the mass. “I died for you so you can live….” I realized that what Jesus did on the cross was a gift. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. Ephesians 2:8-9 Sino pa ba ang makakapantay sa ginawa? This wonderful gift just save humanity lang naman. :D A.M.N.E.S.I.A. Totoo nga ang sinabi ni Father Daniel na ang pinakamatagal at sa tingin kong pinakamalalang sakit ng tao ay ang Amnesia. We as human often forgets the things God has given us. And sometimes when we choose to sin, we think that we are in debt with our Holy God. Judgement: Guilty ! That's what I did. I felt and thought that I am. Just this holy week, I haven’t choose a sacrifice to offer to Jesus. I stayed and bummed in the house all day (sorry sa mga nag-stay

After that crying night, ito na yung pangalawang araw na hindi ako hinahayaan ng Diyos na mag-isa. :) Thank God for friends.

Actually I am not inspired to write. But everything happens for a reason so I clicked and read on my blogpost again and check some articles I wrote. See people's comments on it. And I smiled when I learn that they learn on what I have shared. Pero ngayon naghahanap naman ako ng inspirasyon. Tingin ko naubos na ang inspirasyon ko. I've been stalled with my current state. What's been happening to me lately? Jotting it down some things on my head. See my list. (These are the things I am missing out and I am planning to make up) 1. SFC - Been inactive in SFC. For a long time now. I miss my sisses in Sunvalley. I miss the fellowship, late night meetings and just that amazingly spiritual feeling when I'm in with my SFC Sunvalley family. I miss our music ministry. I miss praising together with the people I know would stay the way I know them for the rest of my life. I miss being with a bunch of people who I know would understand my faith. I felt I stopped growing. It is just