Kangel's Confessions

I always think that being single is the most sad and most frightening feeling of a woman. But I realized that: Being single is being happy in spite of the absence of that special someone. Being single is being stronger in spite of the world showing you that you are alone and you have no one to depend to. Being single is being faithful when everything falls down, reaping your visions, decreasing your hope and destroying your beliefs on love. You as a single woman alone makes God favored you more, blessed you more and romance you more. Having single life is where you open your hands to best of what the world and your loving God can offer. It's how you receive it with open mind and open heart. Fly like you never did before. Till then....

I've been thinking a lot. And I would be pouring out some of them tonight. This time...ipo-post ko na. Gee :D I was in Zambales with Marketing peeps. Originally team building ito ng Marketing Design. Honored ako, I was invited. I enjoyed. Na-relax ako. After all, I need a break from stress. :) Many thanks to Marketing :) But that never stopped me of thinking of my events in the past. Sa totoo lang, ayoko na talaga isipin. I'm not sure why I am keep revisiting these stories of happiness, heartbreaks and realizations. I don't know if I really want to share these. After all, it's not a happy ending. Pero heto na lang.... - Gusto ko sabihin na it is really not fair. (I know....right?) Gusto ko magalit pero di ko magawa. I just understand. I wanna shout to the world na he should not treat me that way. It is just not fair. It breaks my heart until now. Siguro yun ang totoo. Basta na lang sya nawala, Naiwan ako. Sinong hanging? Sinong tao ang hindi alam kung ano ang tamang da...

Lord, kung daig ng malandi ang maganda....sana maging fair ang mundo sa magaganda na hindi malandi no? Wala lang... para fair lang di ba? :D

I have this friend, who I really treated someone special to me. At one point he really became that ideal person - my shining armor. But I realize he maybe not my so long expected Knight. :( *** I have a new crush sa gym. I dont know his name yet. I'm not sure kung gusto ko rin malaman. Wanna keep the mystery. :D *Lord sana hindi siya gay. *PLEEAASSEEE :P * *** Struggles - sobrang dami. Di ko na mabilang. Lol. But that how I battled with life everyday. I learned from life. I realize I find wisdom in everything I do in every situation I am engaged in. I lost the battle sometimes but most of the time I won. God never fails. He continuously guide and open my eyes (thru my friends). *** Winning is relative. You win, when you admit your mistakes, when you know how to say sorry and you know how to make amends if necessary. *** Me: Why is everybody moving on? Parang ako na lang natira.... :( Frend: Haha. May ganun drama... :D

Wala sa plano ang magsulat ako ngayon. Pero to end the procrastination on my side, kailangan ko itong gawin. Kamusta na ba si kangel after 2 months? Ok naman ako. Taking one day at a time. Hehe. Hindi ko alam pero parang kinalimutan ko itong blog na ito for a long time. Dahil sa sobrang kabusyhan sa maraming bagay. I started to travel, fly,walk on my own. Well with my very deary friends, I started to explore places. Appreciate God creations more. Enjoy...truly live life for the first time. :D Hehe. Enough of drama moments. hehe. Here is a little summary of things I did so far the last months. 1. First travel - Singapore - Favorite Spots: Sentosa - Universal Studios, Singapore flyer and the very famous Merlion at first splurge shopping of watches. I will never forget the walking forever namin ni Romskee. Hehe. :D Verified disiplinado ang mga tao. Super saludo ako sa centralized bus system nila. May oras at nasa oras. Very successful city man ang Singapore, wala pa rin talo ang Pilipi...

Noon: "Ang tanging lesson na natutunan ko that time is wag kang magpaasa ng lalaking hindi mo naman mahal tlaga. Natutunan ko kasi that time na kung magbibigay ka ng pag-asa that time sa isang taong nagmamahal sa iyo, sasaktan mo ang taong yun sa bandang huli. Pinaasa mo eh. Tapos di mo naman mahal. Kung ako nga naman yun, masakit, niloko ako eh." Ngayon: "Naniniwala pa rin ako na di ka dapat magpaasa ng tao kung talagang hindi mo naman ito mahal. Ang kaibahan lang ngayon, naisip ko na hindi naman masama ang kilalanin ang mga taong handang mag-offer ng love na ito sa iyo lalo na at pure at totoo." Mahaba itong article na ito actually. Madrama din itong post na ito. Pwedeng pang-maalaala mo kaya. So I copy paste the gist. hehe. Usapang love eh. Ganun tlaga. Wag ng komontra. Marami nga nagpapakatanga sa subject na ito. Paminsan eh kasapi ako sa kultong ito. :D You can email if you are interested sa buong story. (Seryoso ako) :D

When God closes door, he will sure open another one for you. Enough of all the pag-ee-emo mode lately. :P Nakaka-stress. Haha. Sa sobrang dami kong iniisip, sobrang napupuno na ang utak ko sa pag-iisip ng kung anu-ano na lang. Simula sa pamilya ko, sa trabaho ko at sa ibang trabaho ko, sa mga gastusin ko, sa mga kaibigan ko, sa community ko, sa mga kakulangan ko lately sa quiet times ko, sa lovelife ko, sa mga nakakaasar na tao sa paligid ko (hehehe) , sa mga nakakatuwang tao, sa mga taong nagpagulo ng buhay ko at sa taong nag-aayos ulit neto. Haaaayyy!!!!! Gusto kong maintindihan ang dahilan kung bakit ang isang bagay or event ay nangyari. At gusto kong ihiwalay ang makukuha kong dahilan sa nature ng taong involved (my subject). Gusto kong i-justify at i-weigh kung ang mga rason na ito. In short, pinahihirapan ko ang sarili ko. Haha! OO na. I overanalyze. Masyado akong nag-iisip. At alam ko na pinapagod ko ang sarili ko. :D Hindi perfect and paga-analyze ko ha. But in the end, I...

It is really hard for me to say goodbye to people I have treasured. But I think what important thing to note here is who are these people I have considered as precious gems. I will treasure them forever. My cleaning business si Lord sa life ko. People come and go. June is goodbye month first....because I said goodbye to a very beautiful treasured friend. Secondly, because I will say goodbye to another friend who made forget the pain I felt with a significant guy in the past. Us did not went well. But I really reallyhope he'll be happy because like me...dumaan din sya sa pain. Gusto ko maging happy sya. :) Hindi naman sya masamang tao. I'll shut my mouth now. :)

Saturday. For this month lector ako for the 6am mass. Well this is my last for this month. Wala ako sa huwisyo na uma-attend. Pero makailang beses ako ginising ng alarm ko sa phone at sa BB. Natulog ako. Parang yung katawan ko sinasabi matulog pa ako. Pero nung nag-alarm na. Alam ko kailangan ko ng bumangon. I can't miss the mass. Ang mass ay isang heavenly banquet...isang celebration na isa kami sa pangunahing sponsors. Lector kami so hindi kami pwede mawala. Para na rin nakamiss ka ng paanyaya ng presidente ng US o kaya paanyaya ng isang sikat na Celine Dion sa concert na kumanta sa concert nya. Sa mass, naimbitahan lang naman kami magsalita ng salita ng Diyos....well ng isang Hari lang naman. Si Lord. Di ba. Diyos yun. Hehe. Well, imagine the honor and privilege that we are given. Kaya di talaga pwede umabsent. Unless otherwise may rason siyempre. Ayun, hindi yun ang kuwento. Something happened to me nung umaga. Normal ang mass. As usual. The gospel has message to tell. Well h...

Here's one of my favorites that I would like to share with you guys. The very lyrics are the words that I would love to sing to the love of my life in the future. Hindi ko man siya kilala today. Hehe. Tara, let's fall in love with the lyrics Darating na lang yan. Unexpectedly. :) I Never Knew Love by Lovi Poe. I open my eyes, only to see Just how sad this world could be That I often cry alone… ohh I look at the sky, longing to see There’s a chance out there for me For my heart to be set free [refrain] My friends had say that it’s ok When rainbow’s fade in clouds of gray But in my heart I know someday True happiness will come my way [chorus] I never knew love till I found you I’s magic in your smile Never knew love till I saw you lookin’ in my eyes And suddenly our sadness disappears True love has fin’lly shown its smilin’ eyes on me I’m searching the skies hopin’ to see If there’s someone out there for me Who will set my poor heart free [repeat refrain] [repeat chorus] No one...

Less talk... less mistake. Pero gustung gusto ko ng magsalita. Pramis. Pero alam mo yun....Hind ko kaya. Lalo na area-ang ito ng buhay ko. Kahit na gustuhin ko mangyari ang isang bagay. Pero kung alam ko naman na hindi ito siguradong mangyayari, wala akong magagawa. Hanggat wala akong security. Hindi ko ito ma-claim ng bonggang bongga. Inaatake yata akong panghihina ng loob. Gusto ko ng sumuko minsan. Napapagod ako. Noon pa. But I know there is something in me that keeps me going. It is my faith . Dahil alam ko ang Diyos ko at message ng love nya ay iba ang sinasabi. Na dapat maging hopeful ako. Na dapat maging stronger ako. Na dapat maniwala ako. Na dapat maging focus ako sa goal. Na dapat hindi ako mawawalan ng love sa mga taong nakapaligid sa akin. Na dapat mainlove ako ng paulit ulit. Na dapat mai-share ko ang faith ko sa iba. Na dapat hindi mawala ang ngiti ko. Na dapat magtiwala lang ako. The Lord keeps pouring his grace on me. Alam nyo ba kung bakit ako single pa hanggang ngayo...

I am so troubled right now. Restless. Stressed. Stressed with so many things in this world. Threat. Worries. Responsibilities. Uncertainties and Sin. Sobrang bigat ng pakiramdam ko. A lot of thoughts have been running on my head back and forth. Naramdaman ko ang pagod. I just want someone who will tell everything will be alright. That I dont need to think and be so serious about it. I want my comfort food, my favorite coffee on my table right now. Pero pagud na pagod pa rin ako. Nalulungkot ako pero I'm keeping the fight still. A friend told me na kaya ko ito...with the grace of the Lord. Pero dumarating lang talaga sa dulo na hindi ko na kaya. Iri-raise ko muna ang white flag. Pero alam nyo ba what God made me realized today? That I can fight all these things that seem to running as "giants" in my life. And then I read a passage from 1 Samuel 17:33-50. How David shows his trust to our living God. "The LORD who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of th...

I have a lot to say. But I can't say it. And decide not to rant it out or share it out to the world. For the first time, I managed to just share it to just the closest friends. They know what my mind and heart's struggles are and how I did fight with my immature plans and impulsive thoughts. Haay. Haay. Haay. Tungkol saan ba ito? Haha. Secret muna. I can't decide kung hanggang kailan ako ganito. Pero promise magkukuwento din ako. :) Latest updates kay kangel. - Double blessings. - SFC service and Lector Schedule sa St Anne. - Matagal akong namahinga sa SFC. Well dahil sa heart issues. (take that figuratively) But I'm ok now. Matagal na. :) Excited na akong maging active again. :) And dun naman sa lector service ko sa aming pinakamamahal na parokya ng St Anne eh kinapalan ko na lang mukha ko at uma-attend na akong meeting. :) So there I have it... a SCHEDULE!! haha. I love being part of the mass celebration. It is really an honor to be used by God as a proclaimer of ...

What's the big deal again regarding on this realization? Ewan....Pero di ba? Ano naman ang karapatan kong magmaganda at naging pihikan pa ako ng lagay na ito? Ha?! Haaaaaaa? Kaya hindi ko rin matanggap yung word na pihikan because it doesn't rightfully applies to me. Hindi talaga eh. Hindi naman ako kagandahan. Tama lang. At hindi ako matalino. Ok lang. I have just been into sad experiences lang. I personally experienced most of them and heard it from stories' friends. These experiences piled up and made me a person that I am now. Plus plus pa yung golden lecture ng mama at papa ko. Plus plus ung wisdom that was shared by Christian friends in the communities I have been to since college and ngayon... I don't know if I'm afraid to make mistakes. I can't say that dahil nagtry din ako. Nagkamali din. Nagmukha rin tanga. Life is not perfect for me. I have also been in the dark ages of my life (man hater days ko nung college) baka dun ko nga nakuha ito. Hehe. Theory...

Nagkita kami ng mga kaibigan ko sa SYKES last March 31, 2010. Gabi. Siyempre after work. Nagkita muna kami ni Emie muna sa megamall tapos naghintay ng taxi sa Podium dahil sa scarcity ng taxi that night. Nakipag-unahan pa kami nun sa isang kasabay namin na guy na naghihintay din ng taxi. Hehe. Buti gentleman. Pinauna na lang kami. Ang sikreto di namin sya nilingon. Hehe. Maraming salamat sa iyo Mr. Stranger. Nakasakay kami at nakaabot sa K-Pointe bldg sa Gilmore ng safe and sound. Finally after few minutes of waiting, I texted Ate Mye. At habang nagre-review kami ng mga SYKES unforgettable moments, lumabas na sina Makre at siyempre si Ate Mye. With a new face friend nila. I met a new friend. Benj, beautiful like us...you know. lol. At last nakumpleto din ang grupo. We ate sa teriyaki boy c/o ate mye wohooo! Siya ang aming birthday celebrant for the night. Beautiful beautiful. We have kuwento at siyempre mawalawa ba ang kape? Starbucks!!! I love life...well.. I super love coffee lang ...

Madaming gumugulo sa utak ko ngayon. Hindi ko alam kung dapat kong sabihin. Basta magta-type lang ang kamay ko. Mamaya ko na i-edit ito. Bahala na. 1. Trabaho - Yung "reorg" na nasabi sa akin ng isa kong officemate. Pambihira. Nakakapraning. Parang puzzle na gusto kong hanapan ng sagot. Yoko naaaa. Lord kayo na bahala. Hindi ko alam ang sagot eh :P 2. Spiritual - Well Lenten season does really it's purpose. Alam ko na kailangan bumawi kay Lord. Sobrang dami ko ng hindi ginawa na dapat ay ginawa ko noon pa. Well isusulat ko na lang yung mga gusto kong bawiin. Bawiin meaning bibigyan ko ito ng oras. Ita-tag as HIGH PRIORITY dahil si Lord ang involve dyan. Ito na yung oras na yun. Kailangan kong solusyunan ito. Hindi forever iintindihin ako ni Lord. I know I need to decide for myself. Act on my decision. THIS IS IT. Andami ko ng pinalagpas na oras...ayoko na magpalagpas pa ng oras. Life is short. Kailangan ko talaga bumawi. PERIOD. Babawi ako sa mga sumusunod: - Quiet ti...

"Maybe you're just scared, because for once in your life someone actually wants to be with you." - From the movie A Walk to Remember love is always patient and kind; it is never jealous. love is never boastful or conceited; it is never rude or selfish, it does not take offense, and is not resentful. love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins, but delights in the truth. it is always ready to excuse to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes. Wala naaa. Nakakaiyak na talaga ito. Love is so simply ideally indulging because of these words from the Bible. This is love as the Lord describes it to be. It's our decision to believe even though the world fails to manifest it... OK.NAKAKARELATE.AKO. Fine! hahaha. :) I wish there is such kind of love...I wish...

Ok I can't tweet but I can blog. Sigh! :) (Ang hirap pala talaga ng pinasok...well 2 days left to go!!! I can shout to the world again. I soooooo miss twitter... Confirmed: I am certified twitter addict) I decided to fast tweeting. I decided this is the activity that really consumes my time and one of activities I am addicted to. I just decided to take further step on disciplining myself. At sa sobrang pagka-addict. Sinulat ko na lang ang mga dapat tweets ko sa blog. Haay. Go! - Gutom na ako. Offering today's breakfast in replacement of my abstinence dapat last night. - Fun last night with a dear long lost "pastor" friend of mine. We were reconnected again. Thanks for being generous. I already pray to God to bring back the blessings 10 times. Well I think that's the rule of karma anyway. I miss his super lakas na laughter. Peace hehe. :) Basta. I missed you pala. And yes sa uulitin. ;) Stay humble and gwapo... Uuuy! Go go go for healthy life. Two years would be l...

Just had chismaks with girlfriend Rom last night. Some points were given light to me once again. 1. That we really have a freedom to choose - On choosing the life we want. But do you know what's amazing? Even if we keep on choosing the bad ones, God will turn or make that choice into good. Kahit anu pa yan. Kahit noon pa yan nangyari. Wala lang. ganun lang talaga tayo ka-love ni Lord. :) It is just so sad to hurt God sometimes on choosing the other way around. 2. God knows his sheep. When we get lost and scream to the world how hurt we are, God knows our pain and He lifts us up. He knows exactly who we are because of our hearts. He knows what's in it, whose in it and what garbage we kept inside. 3. Forgiveness is a decision. The moment we decide to forgive, everything - our mind, heart follows. Forgiveness gives you freedom and inner peace. 4. Love will come in the most unexpected way - mysteriously you can never imagined. It may destroy you, build you, and it may be the best...

Ok I'll start this monday morning with sharing something what happened last week. I finally manage to attend an assembly sa SFC. I saw him finally at siyempre kinapa ko ang sarili ko kung ok na ako. Nung una siyempre hindi ko sya matingnan. Para akong pasyente na naoperahan sa mata. Ayoko idilat ang mata ko dahil natatakot ako sa malalaman ko. Kung tagumpay ba ang operasyon o hindi. I'm so afraid, na baka ganun pa rin ang pakiramdam ko sa kanya. I'm afraid I would realize I have never moved on...na bulag pa rin ako. The grace of God helped me that night. He guided me. Nakita ko na sya by then. Pero di ko pa rin sya nilapitan. He seem not to change after months of not seeing him. Childish pa rin ang brod, ex-prospect ko. :) Hindi ko rin alam pero di ko na rin siya nilapitan. Pero I planned to. Wala na naman kaso kung sino ang mauna. If I will be returning back to SFC, kailangan kong maayos ang relationship ko sa kanya. After all we're brother and sisters in Christ. We be...

Haaay...stress is me. Pero kung mai-stress tayo...Ma-stress tayo gracefully. Things may not turn in my way. Pero ganun talaga yun. negastars at meron naman light bearer akong nami-meet everyday. But in the end, I want to see still the positive side of life. After all, I believe I don't live her. I know God wants me to make the best of my choices in life. Staying in darkness should not be long-time option. Nakakaloka yun. I just want to rant this out. So here. 1. I saw people na nakita ko mula sa baba na tumaas. Then they changed. :( well. something where humility was forgotten...maybe just temporarily lang naman. Kinda sad lang basta. 2. My team...well. they bunch of good high performing people. Ooops. I kid. haha. Ayun, I'm so lucky to have them and see them growing professionally as people which honors trust, responsibility and dedication. 3. I saw in my eyes couple who can't be a couple. Happiness should be not dependent on love. It's a choice. People can be happy ...

Guys guess what? What? Marami akong natutunan sa buhay ko ngayon. I'm learning day by day. At maraming akong mga topic na hindi ko matanggap ngayon na tinatanggap ko na. Sabado, nasa opisina ako. Workaholic? Hindi...Hindi pa lang dumadating yung sundo ko. Might as well gamitin ang oras para mag-ingay ang mga kamay ko. Gamit ang keyboard...maisisigaw nito ang laman ng isip ko. Sa pamilya at opisina at maging sa mga kaibigan: Natutunan ko na ang manahimik kung wala naman akong magandang sasabihin. Natutunan kong tanggapin na ang presensya nila ang nagbibigay kahulugan sa buhay ko. Ang makita sila na walang akong itinatanim na sama ng loob ang mahalaga sa akin sa ngayon. Ang happiness nila ay happiness ko din. Yun ang importante. They may be happy and I am sad. I learned to be happy in my life kapag masaya na rin ang mga taong nasa paligid ko. Gusto kong mahawa ng kasiyahan. At nakakasawa na maging bitter. di ba? Sa mga taong inakala kong sobrang mahalaga ako sa buhay nila na hindi na...

Sige na pagbigyan nyo na ako. Bilang unang post ko sa aking ika-27th year ng lifetime ko sa earth.. Oo eto na. Dali...(Teka lang naman)...Hehe. Gusto ko lamang sa buhay... When you really wish for it to happen, i will happen. Samahan mo ng force ng universe at lakas ng prayer mo kay Lord, tingin ko naman ay matutupad ang pinakaasam ng bawat babae na maging pinakamagandang prinsesa sa mata ng kanilang mga prinsipe. Ang araw ng kanilang pinapangarap na panaginip... ang kanilang mga kasal. *hearts* I have never been sure in my life. I have a confession to make guys... This 27th year would be my marrying age. But big problem: Wala akong groom. To self : Malaking problema nga yan. Flashback I don't want to remember the hurt, pain and trauma. But that's my past. And that explains ROI I have right now in love. Nalugi ako. Ilang beses ng nalugmok. Bumangon...bumagsak ulit. At bumangon.... Pero my character grew more to become the better person I am right now. Better nga ba? (hehe...

Been working late this week. Got heard of the bad news na hindi ko alam kung talagang bad. Haay. Ewan.

The truth of the matter is... - It was just a heavy burden for me na magkaroon ng sama ng loob sa ibang tao. - Medyo matagal ako magtampo. First few days ang heights ng emotion ko. Warning: hindi ako pwedeng makausap. dahil hindi ako matino. - Kapag nagtatampo ako, I'm usually quiet. - I cry kapag di ko na kaya. As a sign of release din. At kapag sobrang inis or awa sa sarili. - I seek resolution after. Kapag ok na ako. Hindi ko kaya ang matagalan tampo. - I usually do the first move on asking for forgiveness. Hindi ko nga kasi kaya yung matagalan. It's a burden. Right now, I'm feeling tampo pa rin sa isang tao. Pero...I did the first move. Si Lord kasi...ang lakas sa akin. Nagpromise rin ako to listen to Him. Babawi ako this year sa kanya. God bless me this week. :)

Hehe. Taon-taon na ito. I'll just them write down... Nagcheck pala ako ng previous blog ko to review ang mga resolutions ko last year? Guess what? Wala pala akong resolution. Odd. Anyways. Hahahaha! Nakalimutan ko. Kaya pala wala akong direksyon last year. LOL! OK. Start na tayo. :) My so called "New Year's Resolution" Baliktarin natin....baka kapag di ako nagseryoso eh maging totoo naman ang naisulat ko. hehehe. Let's see. Pinilit ko itong maging 10 for the sake of year 2010. Sana magkatotoo. :) :) :) 1. Gusto ko pa rin magpataba ng tama. Payat pa rin kasi ako. Kakain ako ng kakain hanggang sa maging ok na ang katawan ko. Hehe. 2. Gusto ko madagdagan ang tiwala ko sa mga tao. Ewan ko ba...hindi kasi ako basta basta nagpapaniwala sa mga tao. Masama yata yun eh. Para kasi they need to prove themselves pa to me na hindi naman tlaga kailangan no. 3. Gusto ko ng matapos ang Bible. Haay ilang taon ko ng new year's resolution ito. Anu beeeh. :) Sana kahit makalah...

Wala pa rin ako sa mood magsulat. Pero I know kailangan kong simulan ang bagay para sa 2010 na maayos. (Karen sige na kaya mo yan...tapusin mo itong blog entry na ito. hehehe) "Christmas is different" I spent Christmas different this year. But I can still can count it as memorable one. I spent my first Christmas in US Autoparts (USAP), been in a hip-hop dance contest...won third place, wore first time dresses/clothes, spend like crazy on shopping clothes and I spend Christmas with my Dev team here in USAP as well as 5th floor peeps. I meet a lot people sobra! Naiba ng konti sa usual Christmas ko every year. Pero marami rin akong namiss. SFC - I miss my SFC family. I have been inactive for months now. Because I've been trying to be active din sa SFC dito sa Taguig. But sadly...I miss them sobra. The GK kids SIBOL. My weekend household, my sisses and brothers at assemblies ang lahat! :) Sila ang nawala sa usual Christmas year ko. Namiss ko sila ng sobra sobra sobra sobra. ...